Do You Click!?

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Dear Tamar,

Oftentimes I use the Click!® feature and am immediately notified that there’s a match, meaning the man Click!ed first and I Click!ed second. But then I don’t ever hear from the man! Sometimes I’ll write, but rarely receive an answer back. Why would a guy Click! on me and then not want to get to know each other further?

Dear Do You Click!?,

I’m just as flustered as you about why a man would show interest and then not follow up once he found out the interest was mutual. There are the normal reasons why this could happen including that the man may already have started dating someone else. The other, hard-to-swallow reason, is that maybe the man decided he wasn’t interested in you after all, for whatever reason. Sometimes you Click! on someone based on their looks or based on hedging your odds that you’ll get some mutual Click!s but that doesn’t mean you want to meet everyone you Click! on. I’m sure there were men who you’ve Click!ed with who wrote you that you didn’t respond to because on second thought you weren’t interested. Don’t stop using the Click! feature, eventually it will work out for you. Good luck!

What Can I Do Better?

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Online Dating,Relationships

Dear Tamar,

I have read the advice and followed all the recommendations (lots of pictures, upbeat, friendly, personal, identifying common interests, etc.), but have had limited activity.  If I could have a dime for every man that I have contacted who says, “thanks for your interest, but I have recently begun a serious relationship,” I’d be wealthy. I also find these same men trolling on JDate the next day and many days after. The second most common response is to just not answer. What can I do better?

Dear What Can I Do Better?

There are always things we can improve upon, but I commend you for making such a good effort. So listen — the guys who are telling you they’ve recently begun a serious relationship are trying to let you down easy. Give them credit for at least responding and not just ignoring you or replying with something rude. Girls do it too. I know I have before. On the same hand, not all the guys who don’t respond are rejecting you, they may just not have a paid membership and can’t check their email inbox. I suggest a profile makeover for starters, utilizing an honest male friend to help you edit. Narrow down the number of photos you use to just a few great ones and make sure your paragraphs are short but sweet, and not too revealing.  I would also recommend you scaling back a little — make sure the guys are viewing you and you’re viewing them, Hot List them, see if you Click! and Flirt. If you decide to initiate email contact (hopefully you’ll receive so many emails you won’t need to send one yourself…but just in case), make sure you’re not coming on too strong or exposing too much about yourself. Simply list what got your attention, something(s) you have in common and then let them know how to contact you if they are interested. Finally, don’t mention the negative experiences you’ve had on JDate at least until the 2nd date. Good luck!

Back in the Game

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Online Dating,Relationships

Dear Tamar,

I’m ready to meet someone special and after a long period of self reflection, I’ve refreshed my JDate profile to try again.  My profile is packed with information and the best photos I have of myself. I’ve even recruited my good female friends, who know me well, to check my profile and make suggestions to show myself in the best light. My messages to other members are personalized, upbeat and I try my best to refer to something I find interesting in their profile, but I’m still getting almost no responses. It’s becoming discouraging and as my confidence is fragile, I’m losing heart fast. What else can I do to make a positive impact and encourage others to reply? I’d really appreciate some advice. Thanks.

Dear Back in the Game,

It sounds like you’re doing all the right things and have the right motivation, but patience and not letting rejection get the best of you are important traits to have in the dating game. You are getting some responses, so it’s not like your efforts are going unnoticed, but there are some things you need to be made aware of. For starters, if a JDate member is not a paid member that means she cannot access her mail and therefore, has no idea that you contacted her to begin with. Secondly, reassess your approach — are you coming on too strong too quickly? Did you repeatedly view, Flirt, Click!, Hot List, etc. before sending an email? Try using that approach first as it is similar to hitting on a girl at a bar (eye contact, smile, waiting for the hair flip, etc). Don’t give up hope and don’t stop trying — yes, you will get rejected but the more you try the better your odds will be at finding your beshert. Good luck!

Approach Attempt

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Online Dating,Relationships

Dear Tamar,

I just joined JDate but I haven’t really had any responses yet.  I’ve read a few profiles of men that I am interested in getting to know a little more.  Is it alright to send them an e-mail? How should I approach the message in the e-mail?

Dear Approach Attempt,

It’s definitely okay to send a message — or any other form of communication for that matter. I know it’s probably difficult as a woman to feel like you’re the one hitting on a man, but with more than half a million people on JDate, you need to help yourself get noticed. I suggest using Click!® first and if it’s a match then utilize Hot List and finally, send a Flirt. If you still have not heard from the guy at this point, you can decide whether to throw in the towel or send a subtle e-mail letting the guy know why you’re interested in him and that you’d like to be in touch. After that, it’s out of your hands, but at least you’re putting yourself out there! Good luck!

I’m Hating IM

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Online Dating,Relationships,Single Life

Dear Tamar,

I have been a long time on-again-off-again JDater®. I can’t figure out what I am doing wrong this time around. I obviously have not found true love but in the past, I have gotten to email, IM and meet lots of candidates. Now, I am constantly getting refusals to even IM?! Why don’t any of the guys want to IM? It’s not like I said something and they discontinue the conversation. They won’t even give me a chance?!?!?  Any suggestions??

Dear I’m Hating IM,

I can’t even begin to tell you how many people think they are getting rejected by someone via Instant Messenger when in actuality they are IMing someone who either isn’t at their computer, doesn’t know IM exists or how IM works, may be at work, may not have the necessary Flash program downloaded on their computer, or may be logged on to JDate but not have the screen up and therefore do not hear or see that they have an IM waiting for them. In other words, don’t fret. Instead, utilize the other JDate tools to let someone know you’re interested or to make contact: repeatedly view profiles, Hot List, Flirt, Click! and send e-mails. Don’t stop trying to make contact via IM, but don’t become a stalker and continue trying to make contact with someone who isn’t responding just in case they are getting your IMs and simply aren’t interested. Good luck!

JDate Newbie

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Online Dating,Relationships,Single Life

Dear Tamar,

How do you know when there is interest on both sides? Also, if someone puts me on their Hot List, does that mean they think I’m hot? I’m new and need help learning.  Heeeeelllllllllpppppppppppp!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear JDate Newbie,

There are a few ways to tell if someone is interested in you. First, log on everyday and view the profiles of the guys that match your preferences, then check “who’s viewed you” to see who has checked you out. If the same person keeps checking you out every day, then that’s a pretty good sign that he or she is interested.

Next, Hot List those who you want to know that you are interested, and see who has Hot Listed you. Does it mean they think you’re hot? For lack of a better term, yes. It means they like your photos and profile and want to keep an eye on you and let you know they are into you. Utilize the “Click!” feature and click “Yes” and hope the other person does the same. That’s how you get results (JDate won’t tell you if one person clicked “No,” only if both clicked “Yes”)!

At this point, if you don’t want to make direct contact, you can also just send a Flirt. Eventually though, one of you needs to write the other person an email or even an Instant Message if you are both online at the same time.  If you really want to meet someone, then don’t hide that you’re online. Log on everyday and have a paid membership so you can utilize all the perks. Good luck!

Inactive Actions

by Tamar Caspi under JBloggers,JDate

Dear Tamar,

I’ve been on JDate for a few months now, but have yet to actually go on a physical JDate. I am happy with my profile (positive, honest, etc.) and even got a good friend to give me a second opinion. Also, I’ve been scanning lots of profiles, and have reached out to a few girls that have caught my eye (with IMs or personalized emails). But while this has led to a few nice virtual conversations, nothing more than that has developed. So my question is, am I missing something? Do other people have this hard of a time at first?

Dear Inactive Actions,

This is a great question and I think you will be helping a lot of people by asking it. My questions for you to think about are: have you asked any of the girls out? Have you asked any of the girls for their phone numbers to take the conversation off-line? If your answer to either of these is “NO” then you have no one to blame but yourself. If you have taken action, then you need to take another look at your profile and what you’re saying in the IMs and e-mails. Have more friends or family members edit your profile and suggest photos. Check out the profiles of other guys who match your qualifications (under preferences, change the search options so you can see what your competition looks like — just don’t forget to change it back!). Use the Click!® feature as well as the Views, Hot Lists and Flirts to your advantage so you’re not writing a girl out of the blue, but instead writing the ones who also Click! with you or who have Viewed, Hot Listed and returned Flirts. At the beginning, JDate is not only a monetary commitment but a time commitment.  There are going to be literally hundreds of women who fit your preferences but only a limited amount who will ultimately be interested in you. Take the time to explore and experience all that JDate has to offer before you give up, because the odds are most definitely in your favor.

Making Contact

by Tamar Caspi under JBloggers,JDate,Online Dating

Minutes after creating a JDate profile you’ll probably start getting a lot of views right off the bat. Being fresh meat on the JDate market means you’re feeling pretty hot right about now, but how do you convert the views into dates? And what do you do when someone else’s profile catches your eye?

First, use the JDate tools to your advantage. When the “views”, “flirts” and “clicks” are used and reciprocated, you know the other person is interested… now it’s time to make a move and send a message. But wait… I’m an old fashioned type of gal and I believe if the guy is interested he’ll make the move, just as if we were in a bar. So the women can send flirts to their hearts desire, but let the guy make the first move. So guys (or gals who don’t want to sit around waiting,after all, it is a free world), when you write your message make sure it is not about you! We can learn enough about you by reading your profile. The message should be about why you like the other person, what caught your eye and what you have in common. Make the message specific to the person you’re writing to and add a compliment or two for good measure. The message should be short and sweet, but at least three lines. And do not ever, and I mean never, copy and paste a generic e-mail, it’s always obvious!

If you’re on the receiving end of a message, you can easily check to make sure the writer actually read your profile by looking for specifics. If you think the writer is attractive, you like their profile and their message, then go ahead and write back. But don’t wait too long. You should reply within the next day or two, just as you would if the message were a phone call to return. The reply should consist of a thank you, a return compliment and your phone number. That’s it. Keep it simple.

Between NYC and D.C.

by GemsFromJen under JBloggers,JDate,Online Dating,Relationships

Dear Gems from Jen,

I flirted and emailed this JDater. We both put that we would Click! He never has responded to me; however, every once in a while I check out his profile, he reciprocates and checks out my profile. I haven’t changed my picture. Thus, he knows it is me checking out his profile out again. I don’t know if he is looking to see if I have updated my About Me section of my profile. He lives between NYC and Washington DC. Is it that I am geographically undesirable? Why does he continuesto check out my profile even after he hasn’t responded to my Flirt or email.
Dear Between NYC and D.C.,
Good question! I wish I had an answer with an absolute, but I’m afraid I don’t. Obviously there is something intriguing about you or he would not continue to check out your profile even if you believe you could be geographically undesirable.
Have you updated your profile recently?  Perhaps he is looking for some newer content. Have you tried emailing or flirting with him again?  Maybe you should try this first step once more.  You never know, he might like to be pursued. If you are sincerely interested in getting to know more about this particular JDater then it is definitely worth a shot. If he does not respond and continues to check your profile, ignore the glances and move on to the next potential JDater.  My opinion: you have nothing to lose by reaching out one last time, and everything to gain. 
Gems from Jen