They say that the clothes make the man. I don’t know if this relates to that adage, but I love almost nothing more than wearing ties, aside from eating, sleeping, and wearing more than one tie at once.

I can’t remember if I’ve talked about this before, nor do I care, because you are not reading this, and I am not currently wearing a tie. If your workplace environment has a casual attire, try dressing up in a tie at least once. If you are female, try dressing up nice as well. It really makes the whole day so much better. Whenever I’m feeling down during the day, I look down and see that I’m in a tie and then I cannot be stopped. Try to wear a tie and not feel important and destined for greatness. Peeing in a urinal will never be so noble.

The first, and last, time I wore a tie on a first date, I managed to meet and hang on to the greatest woman of all time. I’m not necessarily saying that the clothes you wear will change the person you’re sitting across from. However, it may change the way that you present yourself to her, and thus change her perception of you and the trajectory of a relationship that may have been dead, had you worn your Polo shirt. I’ve worn a Polo shirt on several first dates, and never lived to see a second. Again, I was still in the process of losing weight and completely changing my lifestyle and the way that I presented myself.

A tie can be an impetus for a lifestyle change for yourself. If you want to lose some weight, wear a tie. You will still be fat, but you’ll feel better about yourself, and that may motivate you to do something. I actually have no idea what I’m talking about, and am really hungry right now. Wear a tie at the gym. Don’t even work out. Just stand there. You’ll burn some calories. Or you won’t. I’m no scientist.

I recently initiated Tie Tuesday at work. It’s pretty self-explanatory. If you don’t get it, I want people to wear a tie…on Tuesdays. Usually it’s just me that participates. It has also caused me to start going to the dry cleaners. I never went before on a regular basis. No story there. It’s just something I do now.

The world should all dress nice.

How important is it to look nice on a date? Obviously, you don’t want to wear a tuxedo when going out for drinks, or really ever. Of course, you also don’t want to wear a white T-shirt and running shorts, either. If you combine the two, it’s even worse, and doesn’t make for a funny scenario in blog-form. You want to look nice without looking too nice, because extremes are not good. Girls aren’t looking for extremes. They’re looking for somebody who can straddle the two without actually committing to anything. If you look too nice, you’re a douchebag. If you look too sloppy, you’re a loser.

This is why I have exactly one set of clothes that I wear out to every social situation. It is perfectly conceived, and there is no reason to change it. Starting at the bottom of my attire, my shoes are basically Asics® knockoffs. While topsiders are too nice and stupid looking, and Chuck Taylors® are too cheap-looking, this is a nice balance between the two. Under my shoes are long gray socks. White socks stand out too much and no socks look stupid and are uncomfortable and unhygienic. Further up my beautiful body lie khaki pants. They’re slim-cut to show that I care about my body, yet not too skinny to show that that’s not all I care about. Above the pants is my shirt, over a plain white undershirt. It is a Medium-sized yellow and brown striped Polo®. It’s a Polo, so it’s nice, yet it’s yellow and brown, so it’s not really that pleasant looking. I got this down. Above my shirt is my face. It’s shaved, but shaved yesterday. There’s a little shadow on it because, hey, I’m not some douche that shaves before important events.

So far, the odds have not yet been in my favor. However, the clothes are currently in the washing machine, so there’s no going back.