Do Opposites Attract?

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships,Single Life

Can a Cowboy and a City Girl make it work? Does a Southern Belle fit with a Surfer Dude? You see where I’m going here… do opposites attract? They can, and they do. But making it work long term is something else. You have to have commonalities, and more than a few if possible.

The hardest decision you may face is where to live — country, city, suburbs, urban, ocean — who gets to be in their comfort zone? Who has to compromise? And how will the person who compromises be repaid in the end? Should there even be rewards in a relationship — isn’t a successful relationship reward enough? Living accommodations aside, there will be other hurdles that opposites will have to jump, over and over again — but a couple who has a good foundation should be able to conquer anything if they want to.

A relationship is always going to be work, a lot of hard work, and you have to decide how much effort you want to put forth. Is it worth it, or would you rather keep looking for someone with whom you have more in common?


Cougar Alert!

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Dear Tamar,

Why am I getting matches with guys who want women younger than I am?

Dear Cougar Alert,

JDate matches are not always based on age but also on similar interests and location. The hope is that you — and/or your match — will make an exception based on the preferences you have in common and not be turned off by the  differences. Many people select an age range too narrow for realistic expectations of finding their Beshert, so JDate’s matches enable you and them to both see possibilities that you wouldn’t otherwise notice.

If you are interested in any of these guys you can write them and let them know that you received their profile as a match and, although you can see that you’re outside of their preferred age range, that you have this, that and the other in common and if he’s interested you look forward to receiving a reply.


Conversation Starter

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Dear Tamar,

Can you please help me to find a way to start a conversation with a woman? Can you please tell me what subjects I should, or should not, talk about at the first meeting? Thanks in advance!

Dear Conversation Starter,

Great question! There are some cute ‘n catchy lines you can use to start a conversation. These include,  “I didn’t know they made Jews like you!” or you can just go the straight forward route with,  “Hi, my name is Tamar it’s nice to meet you.” To be perfectly honest, if a girl is interested it doesn’t matter what you say!

As for conversation topics to avoid, don’t discuss any baggage. Baggage includes past relationships, dramas, illnesses and other types of negativity-inducing subjects. Instead, concentrate on discussing positive topics like the things you have in common — your hobbies, favorite foods, pets, etc. And if you find the conversation could keep going all night, then parlay that into a second date!


One Beshert, Two Beshert, Three Beshert, Four

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

I’m constantly talking about “the search for Beshert” and finding “The One” or holding off for “Mr. or Mrs. Right.” At the same time, however, I just don’t know if there is only one soulmate for each of us. When I was twenty years old and in college I dated and lived with a guy for a year. Back then, I would have told you he was the one for me and we were going to get married and have six kids and live happily ever after. About a year after he transferred to a university in another state and broke up with me, I realized the heartbreak had caused me to grow up and change for the better. I could never imagine myself with him and couldn’t believe I had spent a year with him as it was! When he came crawling back, I was confidently able to tell him that the best thing he did for me was break my heart. He may have been that “Tamar’s version” of soulmate, but we would have for sure been divorced by now as I wasn’t done maturing as a woman or as a person.

Five years ago when I decided to only date Jewish men and sign up for JDate, my evolution into the person I am today really began. Once I truly learned what I wanted, who I was and where I saw my life going, I was better able to figure out who would make the short list for my heart. Obviously, not every guy – nor every second, third or fourth guy – that I dated could be my Beshert, but a few did make the first cut.

I didn’t – and still don’t – believe that there is only one person out there for you; that lighting will strike when you meet each other, or that you will fall in love at first sight. In order to meet your soulmate you have to make it happen. If you meet someone you like and he or she encompasses the “must have” items on your list and you are willing to accept or compromise on the other items, and the other person also feels strongly enough about you to do the same, then that person could be your Beshert. Your soulmate isn’t going to necessarily encompass every item on your list, nor will you be everything they are looking for – this does not a soulmate make.

When I first saw my now-husband I did feel well, “something,” but I also had to make the first move to get his attention – not exactly ideal in my book. Once we started talking though, the conversation never stopped and that, mixed with attraction that steadily grew between us as we continued getting to know each other, was what sealed the deal. At the time we met, we were both ready to meet someone… “The One.” We had both matured as much as we each could on our own and were ready for the next stage. Meeting my husband at that time and that place was due to a number of components:  Timing, of course, but also maturation and the willingness to compromise.  Is he my Beshert? Yes. Does that mean someone else couldn’t have been? I guess I’ll never know.