Balance of Power

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,JDate,Online Dating,Single Life

After you begin connecting with someone on JDate there’s a balance of power that shifts continuously. Who wrote the last email? Who sent the last text? Who made the last phone call? It’s all part of the game… and it sucks, but you’ve got to play ball. If you were the last one at bat (emailing, texting or calling), then give the other person a chance to hit (contact you).

Enough with the symbolism… if you take a step a back and realize that you’re doing most of the contacting, planning, talking, following up, and so on, then perhaps the other person is not so into you. It’s tough to admit, but they may just be bored and have nothing else to do, and you’re such not bad company to pass the time. Sorry.

To borrow a well-known line… if he or she is not contacting you, then they’re just not into you.


Email Expiration Date

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Online Dating,Relationships,Single Life

How long is too long to wait before responding to a JDate email? Ideally you would respond within 48 hours — the same amount of time that is acceptable when you’ve received digits from someone who you met at a bar or elsewhere. If there’s a reason that you can’t get in touch earlier, then apologize for the delay and make sure you sweeten the pot by responding with a charming email.

It happens sometimes. Perhaps they were considering another JDater and wanted to give him or her a chance, and thus ignored their inbox until they were available. This is the usual reason why people don’t respond right away and it’s perfectly acceptable. That said, don’t actually ask whether that’s the reason; simply respond that it’s okay, ask your match how they are doing, and then let the conversation go from there. If that response takes a lengthy amount of time again, then you may simply be communicating with a flake or a player. If they reply right away, however, and it’s an engaging email, then let the delay go and move forward.

Timing is everything with dating. Are you going to give up on someone because of a few weeks?


“Respect” is Not Just an Aretha Franklin Song

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Respect is one of the most important factors of a successful relationship. When you respect someone, it means you are being honest, it means you are being kind, and it means you are communicating effectively.

Respecting your partner means caring about their feelings and taking their opinions into consideration. Respect is speaking to the person you love with love, it means using tone and vocabulary that is rooted in the fact that at the end of the day — even if you are delivering a criticism — that you want to come out of the tete-a-tete a closer couple because you are engaging respectfully. Respect also means accepting your partner for who they are and not trying to change them, rather, helping them discover how you both can evolve together. When you find someone who you can respect to that degree, and receive that same level of respect in return, then you have found something truly special and with a higher likelihood of success.