Common Interests = Compatibility?

by Caryn Alper under Date Night,JDate,Online Dating,Single Life
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Does it really matter if your date is also into basket weaving?

Let’s say you are really into underwater basket weaving, Italian renaissance art, and roller skating. And you’re perusing JDate profiles and see someone who is also really interested in basket weaving (sometimes underwater, sometimes not), Italian renaissance art, and roller skating. Could it be? Have you finally located your soul mate?

After all this time, have you found the one person destined to fulfill all of your hopes and dreams? Probably not. Might you have more to talk about on the first date with this person than someone who has no common interests? Yes, probably. But having several common interests with someone does not guarantee that you will get along! In fact, it guarantees, well, nothing more than you both like the same things.

It’s easy especially if you have unique or specific interests to mistake the excitement of enjoying the same things for long-term compatibility and commitment. Or, if you really like someone, it’s easy to be amazed at how coincidental it is that you BOTH LIKE TV and DOGS! What are the odds?

But in my experience, general activities and interests are somewhat shallow. What you like to do, in my opinion, says only so much about you. How you like to spend your time, your tolerance for trying new things, and your willingness to do what your partner wants to do – these are all more indicative of relational compatibility. For example, you might like going to the ballet, and a new guy you are dating might really like going to basketball games. This distinction in and of itself isn’t important. But does he listen when you talk about your favorite ballet, or is he checking the score on his phone? Is she willing to go with you to the Knicks game and at least pretend to pay attention? These kinds of questions are much more important to ask when assessing compatibility. The fact that you both have a brother or you both like classic music means little more than both having brown hair.

Although common interests might not be a predictor of long-term relationship success, JDate knows what they are doing. Profiles include interests for a good reason, even if the reason is not to instantly match up destined partners. See someone with a the same hobby as you? Awesome – send a mention and reference the activity! Both like mini golf? Sounds like you have an easy first date suggestion. Does a cute guy say he is into krav maga and you don’t know what it is? There’s an instant excuse to send a message – ask him! Oh, and this goes without saying, but don’t pretend to know all about something that you don’t unless you are currently on a sitcom.

So remember – common interests are great and provide a useful way to initiate contact with someone. But they don’t mean anything more than what they are.


3 Ways to Tell if You’re Truly Compatible

by Tripp under Date Night,JDate,Relationships

I’ve seen a lot of relationships end due to incompatibility. Let’s admit it, a lot of those online “tests” and horoscopes don’t give us the real answers. Through much conversation and research, there are three ways to tell if you’ll be compatible with your new date. It’s important to know right away… or your relationship could end in a disastrous break up.

1) Sense of Humor

If you two don’t have the same sense of humor, you can nearly guarantee the relationship is doomed. Connecting with each other on a deep level has to do with how you both perceive the world and it’s craziness. Do you laugh at the same jokes? Do you make each other laugh? Or maybe you are both serious and have no sense of humor. That’s good too! As long as both of you are the same level, then it will be a much smoother life together.

2) Taste in Music

Of course, I could have said anything here: movies, food etc. But, music says a lot about a person. Music defines our culture and our taste. If you two have different tastes  in music then it may be difficult to enjoy the many fleeting moments of life such as car rides, concerts or turning on the mp3 player at home. Be sure you look out for their taste in music and see how similar it is.

3) Your Drive

No, not the model of your car. When I say “drive” I mean for your passion and purpose for life. This is a big one because it can tell the future of your relationship. Do you both like to relax in the same way? Are you both hard working entrepreneurs? Is one lazier than the other? These are just a few of the things you need to look for in regards to compatibility. It may not be as important when you start to date, but as things get more comfortable each person will fall into their own ways. Be sure to know if your significant other has the same passions and zest for life as you do.

If you meet someone and you connect on all three of these levels, you can be sure your compatibility rate is very high. Make sure to look out for these details listed above on your next first date. That way you can get a good read on your future together.


Buzz

by GemsFromJen under JBloggers,Relationships

Compatibility seems to be such a buzz word nowadays. I hear it over and over.  Television, commercials, radio broadcasts, but what does it really mean? Compatibility is what makes us mesh with someone else.  Here are a few of the important compatibility factors in a relationship:

Roles in the relationship- You both have a clear understanding of your separate roles in the relationship.  For example, he cooks, she does the laundry. These roles are clear, but not static.  There is always room for negotiation and re-working of the roles.

Intimacy outside of the bedroom- this includes; trust, support, and empathy for one another.

Sexual expectations-This facet of the relationship is discussed and agreed upon. Each partner knows the rules and respects what the other likes/dislikes.

Goals-You each have similar lifelong goals and dreams. You are both on the same path and have similar visions for the future.

Friendship-You genuinely like one another. There is laughter and smiles.  You can rely on each other. There is little judgment and criticism.