I’ve had quite a bit of success on JDate meeting some wonderful women. Recently one of them stood out more than the others. I was smitten. We went out five times in three weeks and each date was better than the last. We laughed, we shared, we kissed, we cuddled, and we had an amazing start to a relationship. Then it suddenly ended.
After a long night together I went home at 11am for some much needed sleep but not before making plans for another date. At 3pm she called me to tell me it wasn’t working. I was stunned. I stopped by her place to drop off something she had left with me, and with a beautiful smile she thanked me for the time we had.
What had just happened? Had I pushed too hard, moved too fast, spent too much time with her too quickly? If that was the case, though, then why break it off? If she liked me wasn’t that the kind of problem that was easily rectified? Simply tell me we need to slow down and I would have happily obliged! I texted her and said I wasn’t willing to leave it the way we had and that I would give her some space and call her in a week. After all, I’m a guy who fights for a good thing!
If you have any advice for a poor dejected shlub like me I’d really appreciate it! Thanks!
Dear Shunned and Stunned,
Unfortunately I have been in your shoes and it sucks plain and simple. And if I care to think back (I really don’t), I bet I can think of a time when I left someone high and dry. I know you felt a connection and that it was mutual, but for her it wasn’t “it” for some reason that more than likely has nothing to do with you. The “why” may give you some closure and may make you feel better in the short term, but even if you never get that explanation you’re going to have to move on and force yourself to get over it. It’s heartbreaking to have had so much hope in something so new and have it end out of nowhere. It threatens your faith in love.
Let’s try to find the silver lining: it has only been a few weeks, at least she didn’t shun you after months and months together! You met someone on JDate that you had a deep connection with and that means it can and will happen again! You liked someone who was willing to throw away something that could have gone somewhere; do you really want to be with someone like that? (I’m guessing not).
There’s a chance she was just freaking out and needed some time to gather her thoughts but, unfortunately, I don’t see her changing her mind. Something happened that caused her to pull the trigger to end the relationship, but let me repeat, it has nothing to do with you, this is not a reflection of you and the explanation doesn’t really matter in the long run. Chalk it up to a sucky dating experience, get back out there and, soon enough,your Beshert will come along.