under Single Life
I think my predilection for not using phones and refusing to answer emails out of indolence has caused anybody who at one point was thinking of befriending me to rethink their choices in lifelong platonic companionships.
Any non-sexual relationship that I have made with any woman since I was a teenager has been crushed by either my laziness or by the fact that I eventually become attracted to any woman that I spend an inordinate amount of time with and with whom I am not related. Of course, this excludes doctors, McDonald’s® employees, and most dental hygienists.
Anyway, I think I am beginning to sense the repercussions of not ever answering my phone or replying to email. I am starting to feel more isolated. However, on the rare occasions that I do answer an email, bad things happen. For example, I answered my cousin’s email last week, and two days later, I overslept past my alarm by ten minutes. This is not just coincidence, nor is it my beaten, obsessive mind trying to find relationships in unrelated, everyday occurrences. Now, I feel that I am on the brink of really losing people.
I have to make a call.
I can’t understand why I cannot meet anyone. Most of the time, people don’t even respond.
Dear I Don’t Understand,
Dating is nothing more than a waiting game. You have to wait to meet someone, wait to go on a first and then a second date, wait for them to answer an email/ the phone/ a text, wait to see if this is “it” and so on. Therefore, the cliche “patience is a virtue” applies to dating more than to anything else. You have to keep pushing forward, sending out Flirts, Click!s, emails, instant messages and so forth until something happens. One of the great things about JDate is that no one except you knows that no one is responding — in other words, to be blunt, no one is witnessing you being rejected. So keep trying because it only takes one person to respond to make it all worth it.
I’m having problems with what to include in my “About Me” paragraph. I know what I’m looking for and what I want in a potential partner, but I can’t describe myself well enough for fear I will be judged the wrong way. What would be your best advice? I’ve tried including my love of sports, hiking, camping, the outdoors, and I’m getting nothing! It’s frustrating. Also, if I see someone that I’m interested in, what’s the rule of thumb when sending the first email to a girl? I’m having a hard time getting responses. Thanks for your help!
Dear Rule of Thumb,
I think the best thing you can do for yourself right now is to stop worrying how you’ll be perceived and to start sending emails. You’re not going to get any responses if you don’t make the first move. That said, if you know the description of yourself will offend the majority of women, then please do edit it and, while you’re at it, think about why you have to do so. Make sure your first line is catchy and I recommend having a sister or female friend read the paragraph to make sure you won’t be judged the wrong way. As for sending the first email, it’s never a bad thing and it never hurts. In the first email it’s imperative to let the woman know why her profile caught your eye, compliment something about her photos and mention 1-2 things you have in common. Finally, ask her if there’s mutual interest. Try to think about what you would want to read in the About Me paragraph and in a letter and apply that same concept to your repertoire. Good luck!
Why do some guys respond to my inquiries with lightening fast reflexes while others are slow as molasses? Thanks!
Dear Response Time Riddle,
Most of my mail comes from people that don’t know why they aren’t getting any response at all, so the fact that you are actually getting responses is what really matters, right? LOL! But, I can totally understand your frustration and I can only assume that the guys you’re really interested in are the ones who respond slowly, right? There are so, so many reasons someone can have for not responding quickly: maybe he’s been busy at work or out of town and hasn’t had time for JDate; maybe he had just met someone and wanted to give her a fair shake; maybe he wasn’t sure if he was interested in you and was taking his time trying to decide. Some guys may be responding faster because they’re new on JDate and more eager, or they were instantly smitten by your email and profile and didn’t need time to think about it or they’re just more active on JDate looking for their Beshert. Who really knows? I do know you should give every guy a chance no matter how long they take to contact you and not to mention the time lapse because you never know where you’ll find your Beshert. Good Luck!
I get a lot of responses from great guys, who seem really excited to meet me and all enthusiastic, but then they just stop talking to me. This happened recently. A guy was really excited to meet me and was supposed to call me that night, but I never heard from him and then he stopped talking to me. I couldn’t have possibly said anything wrong between the time we met and when he said he was going to call so I’m wondering what happened?
Dear Stop Loss,
Unfortunately, this is not unusual with Internet dating. The men you’re talking to are probably talking to a few other women as well, and if one of those connections turned serious, he’s likely to no longer correspond with you. He figures he doesn’t owe you anything because he hasn’t met you yet. I once received an email from a JDate I hadn’t yet met and he told me he was getting serious with someone and could no longer make plans or communicate with me. To be honest, I felt it was a little overboard. He didn’t need to go through such extremes writing me a lengthy email, but on the other hand, it was better to know than to be left in a state of mystery like you’re in right now. As for the man you were supposed to meet, just chalk him up as a coward and move on. You will need to weed through these losers until you find your beshert, but believe me, women are pulling the same stunts with men. We’re all in the same boat. My suggestion is not to spend too much time corresponding before meeting. As I’ve said before, your JDate profile already supplies the information you would normally exchange on the first date, so try to keep the pre-date communication to a minimum or else risk creating expectations that neither side can meet. Good luck!