Nirvana has only reached icon status because Kurt Cobain died before he lived long enough to become the villain. If he were alive today, Nirvana would be on a level equal to that of Pearl Jam. Their newer material would be largely irrelevant, save for maybe a cover song and another acoustic one. Cobain would be seen as an old man desperately clinging to what he may have been two decades ago.

For this metaphor to work, you are going to have to excuse the fact that I just wanted to say how much I dislike Nirvana, and it really has nothing to do with anything else I have or ever will write. However, I think that my ‘Nirvana’ example relates directly to the following point. If you want to tell a longtime friend that you have feelings for her, be sure to do it in person, because otherwise what are you doing?

Don’t wait until you are so deep into the friend zone that the exit door has been locked ever since seven years ago when she finally decided to hold your hand at the movies and you let go of her and awkwardly slapped her in the face. If you don’t tell her soon after first meeting, the absolute worst thing you could possibly do would probably fall under the category of slapping her in the face, or really anywhere.

What I’m trying to say is do not ever slap women, even jokingly.

Also! If you have been too scared to tell a good friend that you have feelings for her, and you’re already in the friend zone, and you have to tell her how you feel, do it in person. Do not do it via anonymous email. First, and most importantly, if you send an anonymous email to somebody, there is a good chance that either they will think it is spam and not read it, or their email provider will automatically categorize it as such. However, if you do send an anonymous love letter, when signing up for your new phony email address, be sure to not fill out your actual name under where it says ‘Name’. The reason for this warning should be obvious, and I really wish I had thought about that before I sent it.

So my ‘anonymous’ email turned out to be very nonymous. For all of the reasons described above, I have not yet heard back.

All these holiday parties give you ample opportunity to meet someone and start off the new year on the right path — in a relationship! Every community has their annual parties and JDate has taken many cities by storm with their celebrations, so take advantage. First, buy your tickets and GO! If you’re single, there is no excuse NOT to go! Even if you’re not in the city you reside in, there is still a party you can find. Next, dress to impress. Look your best! Finally, here are some great ways to start a conversation: if there’s a photographer at the party, grab him and ask him to take a photo of you — then go find your crush and set it up to make it look like the photog wanted a pic of you two. Then ask the photographer if you guys can see the pic and comment on how good you look together! This opens the door to exchanging names and so on. The photographer will more than likely post the photos on Facebook at which point you can tag yourself, wait for your crush to tag him or herself and then you can add each other. The same for parties with a photo booth. If you start talking to a crush, grab him or her plus the props and go have fun! This will allow your crush to see your fun side. Most of these booths spit out 2 copies of the photos, so grab them both and write your name and number on the back of one and give it to your crush. Using the free drink tickets, you can “buy” your crush a drink and joke over how much it cost you — just make sure to tip the bartender generously! Not only is it polite, but it’s impressive! Look for every opening and take every opportunity to start a conversation with someone new.

The rewards of a Birthright trip keep on giving. Alums of the program in the NYC area have the option of trying out classes at the Manhattan JCC for free. Sick of explaining to all I encounter that despite my Israeli birth, what makes me most notably Israeli is my deep, deep love for crushed up chick peas; I’ve signed myself up for a Hebrew class. I look forward to both my future ability to converse in what could have been my native tongue had my parents stuck around a bit longer, and the potential for meeting cuties in my class. I haven’t had the pleasure of having a crush on a Hebrew school class mate since I became a woman in the eyes of the Jewish community in 1997. If only I knew what became of that young man I so admired back then. Howie, if you are out there and reading this, I would like you to know I thoroughly enjoyed your confirmation speech detailing your respect for the Beastie Boys.

My bff and I had a never-ending brunch over the weekend, the kind that has you leaving brunch, needing dinner. One of the highlights of this experience was a mutual crush we formed on our bartender. He was extremely adept at making us both feel special, and after giving us a third free glass of champagne, we were both in love with him. Between other women, this is the kind of scene that could have gotten ugly. Having a genuine friend though means working through a lack of resources. We both perked up easily when he mentioned the existence of a geographically convenient brother. Knowing nothing about this brother’s handsomeness, age or marital status, we nevertheless left the bar with excited visions of future double date scenarios and no real strong preferences over who gets who.

Watching a friend go through a bad break up is like a train wreck – it’s terrible but you can’t seem to look away. So what do you do when your crush turns into a crash? Good question. The simple solution is to pimp the victim out in the hopes that a distraction will help them move on quickly from the scene of the accident. Of course, residual effects will inevitably surface and suddenly they are screaming in pain from a delayed reaction to the pain of the accident. So perhaps the hit-it-and-quit-it method is not the best way to go. There’s of course the eat-yourself-to-sanity method, but given the uncertainty of the timeline you may jeopardize your chances of any future flame by packing on the pounds. My favorite method is the “work furiously at the gym” scenario; however the elliptical can have you feeling like a hamster on a wheel in no time. So have a drink and dive right back into the deep end, there’s no time like the present. Most importantly, breathe and be there for your friends and help them through the post-traumatic-stress ordeal. You could be the next one to crash and burn.