There are a lot of things one has reason to fear in Los Scandalous: earthquakes, gang violence, the dreaded encounter with a former flame. The city is always immense except when you want to avoid someone, and then it’s unavoidably quaint. So what do you do when the dreaded close encounter finally takes place? Better yet, what do you do when he’s sporting his latest and greatest accessory – bad dye job apparently included. Take comfort in the fact that you a) survived, and b) that your hair doesn’t look as fried as something that should be served on a Denny’s late-night menu. So when the once wanted rendezvous takes a turn for the worse, smile through denial and always remember that no amount of bad-bottle-blonde dye jobs will make her what you were. Egocentric? Maybe slightly. But still dating Darwinism at its finest. Survival of the hottest isn’t a theory here in this city that never sleeps – it’s a rule. Travel in packs and look fierce, so when the bad fried-and-died mess has the pleasure of meeting you, you have the privilege of getting through it with grace.
There are really great guys you date, and for whatever reason, things don’t work out. There are the monsieurs you manage to stay friends with after whatever dating debacle you happen to endure. Then there are the jerks you meet that have you wanting to bolt after you’ve said “hi.” Finally, the most mythical of the courting realm: the disappearing date. The one you meet, everything’s going rather swimmingly and then before you know it, you’re treading water by yourself again – back to square one, and searching for those other fish in the sea. So what gives? This black-magic born creature is incredibly suave, floating from conversation to kissing and back with the ease of some early-era born gent. He makes you feel at ease in the situation and just when you are completely satisfied with you first rate date performance, he completely vanishes into thin air, leaving nothing but a cell number. And clearly his phone is broken because he doesn’t ever return your messages and that can’t be right. So after you figure out that the cell phone provider is indeed the wrong target for all your frustrations, you find yourself back at square one, ready to go on another great date with some other fantastic variety of guy, and hoping that this one can’t hide behind various other forms of Cali camouflage. Or at least hoping that this time you won’t be eaten alive so easily. In fact, maybe this time, you’ll be the one to prey and play him. Evolution is a great thing, especially when it comes to dating Darwinism.