Are You in a Relationship?

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships,Single Life

New dating rule! From now on, you must ask someone “Are you in a relationship?” rather than asking “Are you married?” or “Do you have a girl/boyfriend?”

Why? Because if you’re engaged then the answer is neither of the above and if you’re dating someone seriously, but haven’t put a label on it, then it is also in between. So when you meet someone whom you’re interested in, ask “Are you in a relationship?” That way, they have to answer and clarify what that means to them.


Don’t Drink the Haterade

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,Single Life

What do you do when you’ve been on a great date and all your friends are hating? Look for an underlying reason:

  • Is your friend single, and could your friend perhaps be jealous?
  • Maybe your friend went out with the same date once and it didn’t go well?
  • Perhaps your friend is just trying to look out for you?

Recently my friend went on a first date with a bachelor who is, shall we say, popular on the dating scene. She was warned by no less than three people that he was a player. Aware of her date’s history, I went about doling out advice in a different way. I do know the guy, but I would have given her this same advice regardless of whether I knew him: every one is a player until they meet “The One.” Therefore she should be cautious, but not judge him just because he’s dated around.

You need to make the call for yourself after getting to know your date. Don’t allow others to factor into your opinion, but do make sure to keep the information tucked away so that you can’t say you weren’t warned. And if you’re on the other side of the equation, as the friend, then give your words of caution, but don’t hate. It will only make you look bad, regardless of the outcome.


Dating Advice, Part 2

by Aaron under JBloggers,Online Dating,Relationships,Single Life

When I walked out of that conference I talked about last week, I had a new found respect for myself. No job was currently in my hands, but with all the guidance I’d been given, I felt like I could get the job I wanted with some good research and practice. I felt confident as I headed back to Dallas.

I think the big difference in dating and careers is the way we approach both. You see a lot of career advice for getting the job – the assumption being you’re technically capable of keeping the job. With dating, it’s the opposite. We assume you can find people (through something such as a dating website), but keeping a relationship seems to be the problem in dating – look at our current divorce rate.

So what if you’re experiencing the opposite problem, and you can’t get into that relationship groove? In a job, they have to work with you once you’re hired, at least a little bit, since there is some form of binding contract. But when we’re free to be our own people, our necks are always on the line. To me, that is the big difference: with a job, so much is clear-cut. If you have an awesome elevator pitch, good interviewing skills, and an ability to network by talking to a few people at any event, you can get a job within a few months given the proper effort.

Dating, on the other hand, is a real fluid thing. There is no elevator pitch, no mock dating. There’s no perfect, one-size-fits-all first impression. And most importantly, who you are when dating is a reflection on the rest of your life, and that cannot be covered in just one or two days at a convention. Generic dating advice that blankets everyone may not specifically cover the real thing that’s stopping you. Maybe you’re an axe murderer and have a bad habit of murdering people, and that’s getting in the way of your relationships. I can guarantee you there is very little advice on how to stop murdering that either I – or anyone else on the JDate blog – will be giving out (though really, anything harmful to other people, in all seriousness, you should probably stop doing).

There’s no one-size-fits-all solution, and you may be looking for someone a lot longer than you’re looking for your next job. But there is definitely hope. Dating coaches are out there, advice is out there, etc. But really, go out and learn to be a better you. Take some classes in something you’ve always wanted to do, go better yourself by exercising or going to school, or just do something that challenges you in general. I had a teacher who once told me “practice just makes permanent, not perfect.”  Only when we start to change what we’re doing can we find new things, and lucky for us, you don’t need to go to a convention to do that.


3 Ways To Tell If She’s Interested

by Tripp under Relationships

I get a lot of guys asking me over and over how to tell if a girl is interested in them. There are 3 main ways to tell if she likes you and I will list them here:

1) She asks you questions.

This might be the #1 way to tell if a girl is interested in you. If she didn’t care about you then she wouldn’t bother to continue conversation. So, if you’re messaging a girl online or meet a girl at a bar, pay attention to your conversation. What kinds of questions is she asking you. Are they personal? If they are then you can be sure she has some interest. But, of course asking questions is not enough to suspect any serious interest. Which brings me to #2.

2) She’s touching you

Not enough men pay attention to this. Check to see if she is touching you. Maybe she’s touching your arm? Is she slapping you on the shoulder when you make a joke? Women are doing this to be flirty with you. When you meet a girl in person or on a first date, look for these signs. The more she touches you then the more she wants to be asked out or even kissed. More on that here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ueYYtCQmlf0

3) She makes time to see you/talk to you

Is she texting you? Did she message you first? Does she want to meet up? CAREFUL! You could be friend zoned. But if she is giving you the above signs then she’s actually interested in more than friendship. Either way, look out for this big sign. Most guys let this zoom over their head. If she is trying to make time to see or talk to you then she wants to be close to you. Don’t ignore this because most women will not bother with any guy they are not interested in.

Next time you meet a girl, pay attention closely to these signs because you will know right away, how to take the next step. Good luck!


The Best Dating Advice You Will Ever Hear

by JeremySpoke under Date Night,Success Stories

Step 1: Be extremely attractive.

Step 2: Be extremely wealthy.

Step 3: Do not get a tattoo on your face.


Learning from the B*tch on The Bachelor

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Every season there’s a b*tch on The Bachelor. This season, Tierra takes the cake. She outdoes every previous villain in Bachelor franchise history. But (once again) it does lend some advice for dating.

First, who you are with your partner should be the same person you are when he or she is not around. If your mate only gets to see the fun, happy, smiley, peppy side of you, then he or she is not seeing the reality of who you are. Not everyone is cheerful all the time. And if every time you do cry or complain it has to do with other people hating on you, then don’t be surprised when your significant other is suspicious. No one is perfect all the time so don’t bother pretending to be.

Second, if you don’t have friends, then that’s a problem. Ladies without girlfriends and men without guyfriends are an issue. You have to ask yourself why you don’t have friends of the same gender because your mate is going to wonder why eventually as well. Are you difficult to get along with? Do you intimidate others? Do you always think everyone is attacking you or judging you? The older you get, the more important friends are (particularly friends of the same gender), so it’s time to make an effort because it’s both good for you and your relationship.

Ahhhh the things you can learn from The Bachelor!


Unwelcome Advice

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Because of what I do for a living, many of my single friends – both male and female – are constantly asking me for advice. A lot of the time their family and friends have already offered unsolicited advice and now the singleton is more confused than ever. Some of the advice given makes me laugh!

My favorite is when Moms tell their kids to “stop looking and you’ll find someone.” Ummm, no. Actually, not actively looking is detrimental to your dating life. The amount you’re out there looking is directly proportional to how much you date. If you’re not on JDate or going to a Jewish singles event or accepting blind dates – or all of the above – then you’re not going to meet someone. People only meet on the subway or at the gym in the movies. Sure, it happens in real life every once in a while, but why sit back and wait for love to come to you? Instead, go out there and find it, otherwise you’ll be waiting a looooong time!

The other popular piece of advice people get that I can’t stand is to be a “challenge.”  If you play hard to get than how will you be gotten? I’m not saying to lay it all out on the line, but anytime you’re trying to not try too hard, you’re going to fail. When you pretend not to be into someone, your date is going to think just that – that you’re not into him or her. Pretending like you’re always busy will make the other person think you don’t have time and are not willing to make time for them.

If you’re offered advice without having asked for it or if you ask for advice but totally disagree with the answer, don’t get into it with the other person. It’s not worth it. Merely thank them for the advice and say that you’ll take it into consideration. Married people think that because they’re no longer single that they know it all (except for me of course!). But just because a technique worked for them doesn’t mean it will work for everyone else. Even dating experts such as myself get it wrong sometimes. You need to follow your instincts above everything else. All the dating advice in the world won’t matter when you meet the right person at the right time and just go with the flow and live in the moment.


Bad Advice

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Because of what I do for a living, many of my single friends – both male and female – are constantly asking me for advice. A lot of the time family and friends have also been asked, or have offered, advice (being typical Jews, it’s usually the latter). And when my friends relay to me the advice they receive, and sometimes even followed, I am flabbergasted! From advising singles to admit how they feel too soon to telling them to lay all baggage on the table, our loved ones (especially those that have been married more than ten years) have no clue about dating in today’s world. Ask enough people for their dating advice and eventually you’ll hear contradicting statements.

My favorite is when Moms tell their kids to “stop looking and you’ll find someone.” Ummm, no. Actually, not actively looking is detrimental to your dating life. The amount you’re out there looking is directly proportional to how much you date. If you’re not on JDate or going to Jewish singles events or accepting blind dates – or all of the above – then you’re not going to meet someone. People only meet on the subway or at the gym in the movies. Sure, it happens in real life every once in a while, but why sit back and wait for love to come to you? Instead, go out there and find it, otherwise you’ll be waiting a looooong time!

The other popular piece of advice people get that I can’t stand is to be a “challenge.”  If you play hard to get than how will you be gotten? I’m not saying to lay it all out on the line, but anytime you’re trying to not try too hard, you’re going to fail. When you pretend not to be into someone, your date is going to think just that – that you’re not into him or her. Pretending like you’re always busy will make the other person think you don’t have time and are not willing to make time for them.

If you’re offered advice without having asked for it or if you ask for advice but totally disagree with the answer, don’t get into it with the other person. It’s not worth it. Merely thank them for the advice and say that you’ll take it into consideration. Married people think that because they’re no longer single that they know all. But just because a technique worked for them doesn’t mean it will work for everyone else. Even dating experts such as myself get it wrong sometimes. You need to follow your instincts above everything else. All the dating advice in the world won’t matter when you meet the right person at the right time and just go with the flow and live in the moment.