It doesn’t matter if you are labeled a “mature adult” or an “older adult” — because many dating problems remain the same, regardless of age. In some ways it’s easier, but in some ways it’s more difficult.
Instead of having nosy Jewish mothers bugging you for grandchildren, you may have nosy Jewish children bugging you to find someone to keep you busy so you leave them alone.
Instead of a bad break-up that felt like the end of the world after a mere three months, you may have 30 years worth of memories that only came to an end because your spouse passed away.
Instead of a drama-filled relationship that ends where you’re able to avoid that person at all costs, you may have three children with your ex-spouse whom you will be connected to for all eternity and have to deal with in some capacity on a near daily basis.
Instead of feeling like your life is over because you’re single on your 30th birthday, you may have instead embraced your independence and yet still hope to find someone to enjoy the rest of your life with.
These comparisons are the differences in your baggage as an adult dating after 40-ish. Everyone has baggage, whether you want to admit it or not. Baggage has a negative connotation, so let’s just call it – “your story.” Everyone has a story. There’s no way you can get through life without making one. What’s yours?
A number of my parent’s friends have approached me lately to ask for advice about dating for their demographic — the 55 and up group who is either divorced or widowed, and also likely empty-nesters (or the kids living there are adults who have returned to the coop). They all ask just about the same question: “Where are all the other people my age?” Like any good Jew, I always answer that question with another question, that being: are you on JDate? Some said yes, others said no, and still others said not right now. Well, you’ve got to be on JDate. You can’t complain about not being able to meet anyone if you aren’t turning over every rock.
Once you get on JDate, don’t suddenly decide that you want to be super-particular about your preferences. Select the age range that you would accept if the prospect had absolutely everything else you want in a mate. And since where you went to college and what you studied has very little to do with your life nowadays, don’t spend too much time focusing on those answers or requirements.
You’re not looking for someone to procreate with, but you are looking for someone to enjoy the rest of your life with, so in some areas you will be more lenient… while in other areas you want to be very specific. Go for it. Put in your preferences and if the prospect list isn’t quite what you were hoping to see, then you can adjust as necessary.
Another area where you might be able to be more open for consideration is broadening your geographic area and being willing to relocate. Would a mate who lives in another state, but can visit once a month for right now, fit into your life? Did your kids move across the country and you’d be willing to move to be closer to them?
These are only some of the differences the Baby Boomer generation has to deal with in the dating realm. Still, the bottomline is that if you’re complaining about the lack of inventory and aren’t on JDate — or are on JDate, but still have preferences selected which are more fitting for your Gen-X children — then you’re not making your situation any easier.