According to a survey by the Daily Mail, half of all women have a back-up husband in place, just in case. This is not a new idea, but to think that 50% of women who are currently married have put more than a little thought into who they would marry next if their marriage didn’t work out, is astonishing!
I’d like to think that we marry someone because we believe we have found our soulmate, our other half, the one we can’t live without, the one who completes/complements us, and that even when things are tough, we don’t resort to thinking about who is still available should the marriage end. Alas, half of women do just that. I suppose it’s a type of coping mechanism to feel that you have other options should you find yourself single again. I did just that when I knew my marriage was irreparable, but I also came to a point where I knew I would be better off alone than in that marriage, and that’s when I had the confidence to leave. And then I started perusing JDate to see who was out there…
A number of my parent’s friends have approached me lately to ask for advice about dating for their demographic — the 55 and up group who is either divorced or widowed, and also likely empty-nesters (or the kids living there are adults who have returned to the coop). They all ask just about the same question: “Where are all the other people my age?” Like any good Jew, I always answer that question with another question, that being: are you on JDate? Some said yes, others said no, and still others said not right now. Well, you’ve got to be on JDate. You can’t complain about not being able to meet anyone if you aren’t turning over every rock.
Once you get on JDate, don’t suddenly decide that you want to be super-particular about your preferences. Select the age range that you would accept if the prospect had absolutely everything else you want in a mate. And since where you went to college and what you studied has very little to do with your life nowadays, don’t spend too much time focusing on those answers or requirements.
You’re not looking for someone to procreate with, but you are looking for someone to enjoy the rest of your life with, so in some areas you will be more lenient… while in other areas you want to be very specific. Go for it. Put in your preferences and if the prospect list isn’t quite what you were hoping to see, then you can adjust as necessary.
Another area where you might be able to be more open for consideration is broadening your geographic area and being willing to relocate. Would a mate who lives in another state, but can visit once a month for right now, fit into your life? Did your kids move across the country and you’d be willing to move to be closer to them?
These are only some of the differences the Baby Boomer generation has to deal with in the dating realm. Still, the bottomline is that if you’re complaining about the lack of inventory and aren’t on JDate — or are on JDate, but still have preferences selected which are more fitting for your Gen-X children — then you’re not making your situation any easier.
I’ve been contacted by quite a few quasi-singles lately, asking how to create a JDate profile when their current marriage is over, but they’re not legally single yet. “When should I go on JDate?” they ask. “And what should I state as my status?”
There is no one right answer. Some people may be ready to sign up for JDate as soon as they file for divorce because they’ve already accepted their marriage was over long before that. Others may not feel comfortable until their divorce is finalized, which varies depending where you live. Yet, others will feel ready sometime between filing and finalizing their divorce. That is a personal decision.
What to put as your status is another issue as you don’t want to lie, but you also don’t want to give off the wrong impression. If you just filed yesterday, then perhaps “separated” is the right option to choose for now, but if you’re closer to finalizing your divorce, then choose “divorced.”
And remember, you don’t need to mention your divorce at all in your profile, but you should supply some vague details on or before a first date (married 9 years, 2 kids, grew apart, not friendly right now, but you hope it is soon) — and leave the details for when you are further along and dating is turning into something more!