Dating Distractions — Drama

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Everyone has “drama” in their lives, but try not to make it a distraction to your dating life. You could have a grandparent dying or a loved one battling cancer or you could have recently lost your job or your father may have recently decided to come out of the closet as a gay man after being married to your mother for 35 years or your sister and your mother could be feuding to the point of ex-communication and putting you in the middle or your dog just died or your house flooded or anything else that causes you to lose focus. These are things that bleed into your everyday life and can cause dates to become very sullen when you describe whatever it is your drama may be. Listen, EVERYONE and I mean, EVERYONE, has some shape or form of drama in their lives. It is not a conversation piece for your first date. If asked something, just respond “oh you know, family drama just like everyone else has. I’ll tell you another time.” Everyone can relate to that. Do not go into details. Once you hit the third date mark, or even later on, you can divulge. Allow your dating life to be the positive and use your date as the distraction to your drama rather than the other way around.

Dating Distractions — Living at Home

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

A lot of young adults have moved home and are now adult roommates with their parents. In fact, it’s such a phenomenon right now that books written on the topic have made it to the bestseller’s list. So here you are, probably in your mid-to-late 20’s, maybe even your early 30’s, and you are working on furthering your career but aren’t making quite enough money for a down payment and a mortgage. Or you just moved back to town. Or you are getting a divorce. Or you consider yourself old-fashioned and want to live at home until you get married. Or you just got laid off. Whatever the reason is, it’s a popular circumstance for many singles right now. But how do you date when you live with your parents? For starters, try not to lead with this fact. When asked where you live, state the neighborhood not the homeowners. Try to avoid being too specific until further into a first date conversation. And when you do, be matter of fact about why, but be brief. At this point, your date should already know that you’ve gone back to school for a Masters, or just relocated, or was previously married, or are unemployed (another word to find a synonym for) so when you share that you’ve moved home with your parents you don’t need to go into detail. Stress that you plan on it being temporary (if that’s the truth) but really, if the person likes you then he or she will not be turned off by your current living situation. Finally, try to arrange it so that your date doesn’t have to meet your parents too soon and once it does happen keep it simple, “Mom, Dad, this is Adam/Eve, Adam/Eve this is my Mom (insert name here) and Dad (insert name here).” Allow them to exchange niceties and then excuse yourselves. Warn your parents ahead of time so that they are presentable (no housecoats) and that this is just a quick introduction on your way out the door. Hopefully your request will be respected and the interactions can be easy and comfortable.

Dating Distractions — Holidays

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Relationships,Single Life

This time of year there are so many dating distractions that it is even more difficult to find a serious prospect. ‘Tis the season to not get your hopes up about meeting someone new. So many singles are scared to get into a relationship between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Eve because of all the pressures of adding in the parties with friends and family when the relationship is too young for such serious introductions.

If you do happen to meet someone on JDate or at one of the various holiday mixers in November or December, don’t expect or demand plans for New Year’s Eve. If it happens, great! However, for some reason — probably that midnight kiss and that it “supposedly” means it’s who you’re going to spend that next year with — New Year’s Eve is one of those holidays that freaks people out when they’ve just started dating. If you are not ringing in 2013 together, then just send a little text when the ball drops saying, “Cheers to an amazing year!” or “Happy 2013!” or something along those lines. Don’t let the champagne go to your head though and send drunken text messages which you think are cute, but are actually really embarrassing/inappropriate/sending the wrong message.

Once January arrives you can start dating “normally” again without the pressures of the holidays —  and hopefully by Valentine’s Day you will have been going strong for long enough to make plans together.