under Online Dating
JDate has a lot of multiple choice, fill in the blank, and essay questions asking you what you want, but what about what you DON’T want? I’m sure we can all make a list a mile long of things we would prefer a partner not to have, but try to whittle that list down to just a couple of things.
These are not your preferences, but rather the “I know for a fact that I can’t live with someone who…” (smokes, is not pro-choice, owns a gun, doesn’t read books, dresses up to reenact the Civil War, doesn’t want kids, whatever it is). It’s okay to be upfront and straightforward about specific traits that you have an aversion to. That said, you need to be open in other areas if you’re going to state one or two things that is an absolute dealbreaker.
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Each of us has our threshold when it comes to what we are willing to put up with in a relationship. Some people use the “three strikes and you’re out” approach, others are willing to put up with some crazy behavior because everything else in the relationship is going really great. What pushes you to the edge is going to be different for someone else.
Not receiving compliments may not bother someone else but may irk you to no end. Not making plans until the last minute may be your style, but for someone else, it could translate to their date not being interested. And it’s usually not just one thing, but a combination of a few things that make you look up and say “this relationship isn’t working… I’m done.”
Of course you have to factor in how long you’ve been dating or have been in a committed, monogamous relationship. Don’t live with traits, habits or behaviors you don’t like because you’re afraid you won’t find someone else. And keep in mind that when a relationship works it’s because you are both willing to overlook and compromise on things about the other person.