under Date Night
Here’s the scenario a JDater recently asked my advice about:
“I’ve been poly-dating as you recommend in your book, but I’m afraid I’ve let it get too serious with two guys at the same time! Now I feel like I’m two-timing. Each relationship is just progressing naturally and I haven’t had “The Talk” with either, but I feel like I’m betraying both of them because I like both of them. What do I do?”
In short, keep dating both of them unless you feel stronger about one, or until you have “The Talk” with one. People, particularly women, are not used to poly-dating and feel guilty. “Betrayal” is an accurate word for how people feel, but unless you are in a committed, monogamous relationship, then you are free to date whomever you want and you’re not betraying anyone. Poly-dating is not for everyone. But if you are finding yourself in a pattern where you fall for each new prospect too quickly and then get hurt, poly-dating may be something you ought to start practicing. It will keep you grounded and prevent you from falling too quickly for anyone… and it’s fun (just practice safe poly-dating and no one should get hurt!).
under Online Dating
When you’re poly-dating (dating multiple people at once in order to stay in a healthy mental state of dating by not getting too serious about any one person too quickly), you may come across someone who is seriously dating someone else. This person would be off-limits. Respect yourself by respecting other people’s commitments. Except when that person tells you that they have been wanting to break off said relationship and you are the catalyst for them finally pulling the plug. This may sound sweet: “he’s breaking up with her to be with me!” but you really should make sure the break-up has absolutely nothing to do with you. Allow a break up to occur, allow the recovery to occur, and then, if you’re still available and still want to date, then do so.
In the same theme, you shouldn’t jump from relationship to relationship either. It’s imperative to learn from a relationship — why it worked and why it didn’t — before moving on to the next one. Again, this is where poly-dating comes in. Enjoy being pursued and falling in “like” until someone really takes the lead in the rat race that is dating.