HIMYM

by Tamar Caspi under Entertainment,Relationships

After nine years of watching every episode and looking for clues, How I Met Your Mother has finally come to an end… and the ending was not at all what loyal fans necessarily expected. As is life.

The writers were not going to wrap up the show in a pretty little package and tie it with a perfect bow, rather they were showing how life has twists and turns, and can get really ugly at times. They proved everything happens for a reason, and when it is supposed to (Ted wasn’t with Robin so he could meet Tracy and have his kids, Barney wasn’t with Robin so he could knock up a one-night stand and become a dad, then Ted gets to be with Robin anyway).

I have a similar rollercoaster of a story as to how I met my fiance and I’m sure you will eventually have yours as well. Mine definitely wasn’t pretty either, but — in hindsight of course — it went the way it was supposed to. Yours will too. Dating sucks sometimes, other times it’s exhilarating. Your path to meeting your beshert is going to unfold as it’s supposed to, be patient and just keep dating.


Learn From Your Past in a Positive Way

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships,Single Life

Everyone talks about learning lessons from your past so that you don’t repeat your mistakes, but you ought to also learn from your past in a positive way.

What did you like the most about your exes? What attracted you in a way that wouldn’t wane no matter how bad the relationship got? What did your exes do to make you happy? What were the reasons you wanted to stay with your ex? What kept you there when the going got tough?

Look for those same qualities in your next mate… and then of course remember the lessons you learned about from your past relationships which contributed to their demise (i.e. the negative stuff) and keep those things in mind as well.


Lauren and Alastair

by Aaron under Judaism,Relationships,Single Life

In writing my blogs, I sometimes like to remember that it’s not only single people reading. So for this week’s piece, I went to one of the sturdiest relationships in my life, the marriage of my friends Alastair and Lauren. As we ate dinner together last week, I decided to ask them for advice on healthy relationships.

  • On how they decided they were right for each other. Practicality is always king. Agreement on where you’re both headed is vital. Alastair and Lauren think of themselves as good roommates and think that, combined with their attraction, made for a great relationship. Common goals are also vital, and the practical understanding of the long-term blueprint was important in their relationship leading into marriage. They also trust each other immensely, and think of each other as their closest confidants. Money is an important point that comes up for them as something they immediately trusted each other with beyond just living together.
  • On what keeps them happy. Anticipate the other person’s needs. For example, Lauren and Alastair cook for each other when one is stuck at work (or in a classroom with me, in Alastair’s case). Basically, do nice things without being asked and put your partner before yourself. Life isn’t having sex and talking about G-d, it’s making the decisions to help each other and keep life stable.
  • On finding the right person for you. Find an environment that’s conducive for people being together regularly. Jewish events, hobby groups, and universities (within limits — maybe not if you’re in your 30s or older and not in college) are great ways to find people. Finding a place where you’re comfortable with lots of people is great, and while the university option was how they met, they still have lots of faith in meeting at community events.

One final note I’d like to make is how much I enjoy having Alastair and Lauren and their fellow married friends in my Jewish community. In Dallas, we don’t have “singles” events for young Jews, but rather events for young Jewish people in general.  While some people don’t love the mixing of singles and couples (how can you tell who to hit on?), I think there’s an added value not just from the fact that those in relationships can also be great people, but in the fact that they can give you a sense of guidance in a very confusing dating landscape.

Having two people in as stable of a relationship as Alastair and Lauren is more than just a great reminder of what I aspire for, but also a great resource to help me get there. So couples of the Jewish world, be sure to stay active in your community as my friends have, you never know who will benefit from your friendship, and the friends you can introduce them to.


Love at First JDate: The #1 Thing to Look for on Date #1

by JenG under Date Night,Relationships

Often times when I go on first dates, I’m asking myself (prematurely) if I can see myself having a future with this person. But not just a future in the sense of multiple dates… but in the sense of marrying them and spending the next 60 years with them. And did I mention this is all happening after chatting for just one or two hours? All that pressure sometimes ruins my initial perception of a person and instead of having a good time on a date, I find myself having these internal battles with myself.

Here’s what you should do instead:

  • Do: Dates 1-3 should be measured based on how well you get along with a person and, of course, how much fun you have with them. Do they interest you? Do you want to see them again next week? Make your judgments based off those questions.
  • Don’t: Start picturing your wedding or your old-age days with this person. They will see this internal battle on your face, in your gestures, and in your responses. It’ll make you seem and feel disinterested in someone who could potentially be a great match.

Follow Jen here: @tthingsilearned


How to Get a Response Every Time

by Tripp under Relationships

A common question comes up when I’m coaching men on how to successfully get dates with beautiful women.

“How come she hasn’t responded yet?”

Now, this could be through online messaging, texting or even Facebook. Let me set the scene…

You get the girl’s number from online or maybe at a bar. You know the right move is to text instead of call (and if you don’t know the right move then check out my youtube channel for that answer http://www.youtube.com/trippadvice)

Back to the story…

You have the number and you’re ready to say something. You send that glorious message and…

Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

How come she hasn’t responded yet (you think for the millionth time).

Well I can’t tell you why she hasn’t responded necessarily, because I don’t know your specific story. But, I can give you some sage advice on how to get her to respond to your messages.

ASK A QUESTION!

Common sense? Maybe. But, how come I never see men ever use this amazing “technique”? If you want a girl to respond to your texts and/or messages then end the message with a question.

Give her a REASON to respond. She will need that in order to give a response. When we see the question in our inbox, phone, etc. it gives us purpose to continue communicating. Most guys end messages with stuff like:

“Hope all is well”
“Hope to hear from you”
“Talk soon”

Bad. Bad. Bad.

This will not necessarily garner a response from her. It’s a gamble. In order to keep the conversation moving ask her something and give her the REASON to respond to you.

I know what you’re thinking at this point. Well, Tripp, what if she doesn’t respond? Then what?

Well, at that point you’ve just given yourself a lot of well needed information. If she’s not keeping up with conversation and won’t bother to answer your questions via messages, then you can safely assume she (or he) is not interested and you’ve done something wrong.

Maybe your previous message wasn’t witty enough.

It’s possible when you met her out that you didn’t get her attracted.

At the least you now know to do something different for the next time.


What Singles Want

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,Single Life

What do singles want? An online survey (taken by Market Tools Inc.) of more than 5,000 singles over the age of 21 said the first thing they judge about their date is… teeth. Why teeth? Teeth are an indication of your overall health.

So, make sure you:

  • Floss the night before a date so your gums aren’t still swollen the next day
  • Brush your teeth right before a date
  • Pop a piece of minty gum in your mouth as you approach your date
  • Don’t eat or drink anything on your date which will stain your teeth (ie. red wine) or smoke.

Even if you’re a smoker and your date is okay with that, try to not smoke after brushing your teeth until the date is over. You could have crowded teeth or a bad bite, but as long as your teeth are clean and white — and your gums are pink and healthy — then fret not, you will pass judgment.

Of course, you should floss regularly and brush your teeth twice a day and not smoke at all, but we all know that’s not always going to happen!