Da Dump! … Da Dump! The foreboding music from Jaws? Yes. Plus it’s also the ominous sound of Valentine’s Day about to bite us and our wallets. We just overpaid for a night on the town on New Year’s Eve. Aren’t there other ways of demonstrating your love besides getting ripped off? No. The restaurants know we’re trapped – why else would they jack up the prices?

When I offer up Valentine’s Day gifts, I feel like such a walking cliché. “Oh, a heart-shaped package of chocolates. How novel! And flowers. So… lacking in original thought-ful!”

You also run the risk of overestimating the relationship. “What makes you think we’ve reached the red roses stage? Pink roses, maybe.”

I don’t know about you, but when St. Valentine nears me, his aim gets sloppy. Our hearts may be his target, but his arrow winds up grazing our handheld devices before images of little iPhones®, not valentines, erupt over our heads. Translation: We’re checking JDate for what else is out there.

Just kidding, guys. It’s a great holiday. And we’ve still got a week to finalize our plans. How ‘bout… chocolate flowers?

But now he’s gone off to the island of lost men…right?

How many times has this happened to you? You go on a good first date, possibly even a great first date and there’s excitement to see each other again. You end the date with a sweet (or maybe even dare we say it, a hot kiss) and after that, its a few texts that are exchanged but not a mention of seeing each other again.

But the date went so well!

So what happened?

Is it that he’s just not that into you? (Well, it could be, but the kiss does say a lot…)

I’m going to go against the age old adage of “love conquers all” to tell you something that many matchmakers won’t admit out loud:

Relationships = the right person + the right timing.

And timing could have to do with anything. Meaning, a bad time could be right out of a breakup, a busy time at work, a family crisis.

So what do you have to do?

Absolutely nothing. Because you already went on the date, you showed him your best side, you kissed him back (or maybe you kissed him!) and now you just have to go on living your life. You cannot force timing. And, when you feel like it – you can call him up and ask him out again. If he says no…oh well…

By the way, the inverse applies to the Island of Lost Women too! Men, just call her!

xoxo,
Mel

Whenever you dump somebody, there is always somebody out there who you would equally reject in exactly the same way.

Remember this the next time you decide to break-up with somebody. Don’t take anybody for granted. It doesn’t matter how long the relationship, or how intense it was. Wow, after reading this it might seem like I just got dumped. Well, I kind of did recently, but I am actually content with life while writing this. Anyway, remember that you are not above anybody. If you ever want to break-up with someone just because you think you’re superior, you should be forced to be with that person for life.

Now, this girl you just dumped. Remember her? Well, there is also another person out there who she will soon dump. She will act as superior to him as you did her. The cycle will continue downward, and also upward.

In this way, after dumping this girl, there is also someone out there who is about to dump you. In a utopian, equal society, you should feel just as much as remorse as this other guy feels depression. Basically, because joy does not exist enough in our world, pain must be doled out extensively and equally to each person.

A native Chicago woman I met recently happened to bemoan that in Los Angeles, not the easiest town for meeting people (unless they’re encased in tons of steel), guys rarely utter the “d” word. No, not “divorced.” “Date.”

Wanna meet for coffee? Fine. Catch a movie? Sure. Go out on a date? Let’s think first. Are we really ready for that kind of commitment?

Before we rename JDate JHang, maybe it’s time to reexamine our phobias about dating. For most of us, the date that will live in infamy isn’t just Pearl Harbor Day. Most of them eventually end on a less than mutually blissful note. Otherwise, we wouldn’t still be looking. Maybe we’re reluctant to assign the lost opportunities of past dates to future ones. But, before we neuter the term into oblivion, let’s make a date to start treating “date” with the respect it deserves. Interested in her? Ask her out on a date. Not interested in him? Tell him, “No. But, let’s catch a movie.”

Okay. I’ll hit the theater near me. You hit the one near you.

You’re all dressed up and about to walk out the door when your date calls and cancels. You’re super bummed, not just because you got bailed on, but because you don’t want to miss the new restaurant/hot band/comedy show you were scheduled to go to. Why not go by yourself? Don’t let someone else ruin your night! Plaster a smile on that face and go! Why should you stay in and mope because someone else is sick/a jerk/rude? In fact, since you’re looking all hot and sexy, plus you’ve got that smile plastered on your face and you’re confident in your alone-ness, you will probably attract new people. And don’t look at your cell phone the entire time! Enjoy your surroundings (food, music, laughter) and while you’re people watching, maybe strike up a conversation. You never know who you’ll meet!

The longer you wait to snap out of your funk, the harder it’s going to be to get back into the dating scene. Your dating skills will get rusty and your attitude – which just recovered – will turn negative once again. Sometimes you have to take a step back, everyone does, but don’t stay out of the game for too long. You don’t want to get to the point where you are dreading going to events because you assume it’s going to be the same old-same old. You’ve skipped a few, now jump back in! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: you’re not going to meet your Beshert sitting at home on your couch every night. But, of course, some nights are okay because you’ll be logged on to JDate, right?

Nearly all my single girlfriends are on JDate and that means they often meet the same guy. They each have their type so it’s not usually a problem, plus they are all understanding if one of them hits it off with a guy they had gone on a date with or were interested in. Very rarely is there an issue. Except when there is.

One of my girlfriends starting dating a guy she met on JDate and although the new relationship was slowly progressing, she certainly didn’t have any claim to him. Unfortunately there was a party he went to where, unbeknownst to him, he met her girlfriends and flirted with one of them. It happens, the community is small and there was no way for any of them to know. Where do the loyalties lie?

I was watching Friends with Benefits with (hot Jew!) Mila Kunis and couldn’t help but laugh out loud when the guy snuck out after sleeping with her on their 5th date. The problem is, she had actually told him about her 5 date rule, so why was she surprised when he was a perfect gentleman up until, and only until, then?

We all have our wonky rules about when a guy needs to call by for a date, or when we’ll kiss or, like the movie, when you’ll sleep together. That’s fine and totally understandable, but keep that info to yourself or just discuss it with your friends. By telling your date about your tests and rules, you’re setting yourself up for failure. You’ve basically laid down the gauntlet and who doesn’t like a challenge? But once that challenge has been fulfilled, you’ve set the stage for failure because nothing will be as thrilling.

A few of my parents’ friends are now divorced or widowed, with kids out of the house, and they’re looking to meet someone new. Some want to fall in love and hope to have a romance in the second part of their lives, others are just looking for companionship and someone to enjoy life with. One of the women I know commented on how “old” the men her age are and how tough it is to meet someone. Reminded me of every other single I know in their 20s and 30s. Except different. You see, when you’re 60 and dating you have baggage, as in a house, kids, grandkids, a former spouse — but the good thing is that both of you are probably coming to the table with the same baggage, so that’s not something you should get hung up on. Your preferences have changed when you’re not looking to start a family with someone, but you will be grandparent-ing together so you still want someone with the same values as you. The woman also said that the physical aspect wasn’t as important anymore, and I admit that was good to hear. Sure you want to be attracted to your mate, but it’s more important to find someone you want to spend time with at this point.

Winter is such a great time for cozying up with a new love. It’s cold outside, so you hold hands. It’s toasty inside, so you cuddle up under a blanket by the fire. Being cold is romantic, take advantage of it.

Make note when your date offers his jacket or rubs your hands to warm them up. Make note when your date lets you stand under the umbrella or drops you off in front while he drives looking for a parking spot. Take the opportunity when you’re sitting together under the blanket to play footsie. Sip hot chocolate, make soup, bake something. Cold weather can suck, but it’s the best time of year to start a relationship.