Weddings Galore

by Haley Plotnik under Single Life

In the last 6 weeks, at least 9 of my friends have gotten married. They’re all 23 or younger. For me, it’s a bit freaky seeing my peers making such serious commitments. Sometimes I barely feel like an adult. I don’t think any of these marriages are doomed by any means. I just can’t possibly see myself in that situation at this point in my life. I’m always moving, I’m still finishing school, and I haven’t had a relationship with serious long-term potential.

According to an article I read, college-educated women who get married after 25 only have a 20% divorce rate, as compared to the national divorce rate of greater than 50%. I’m not sure how legitimate the study is, but it makes me feel better about thinking I’m too immature to make major life decisions at age 22.

If you are feeling family or peer pressure to get a significant other, get married, or have children, remember you are NOT alone. These things don’t just happen overnight, and they certainly aren’t things to jump into lightly. My philosophy is “compare and despair.” If I thought I should be getting married at this age too, I might despair in being single by comparison. My advice? Celebrate your life for what it is now. Don’t worry too much about being single or unmarried. If you worry too much about meeting benchmarks and attaining labels, you may miss out on enjoying the journey.


If You Won’t Talk About It, Don’t Do It

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships,Single Life

I had a mantra during my teenage years that if I couldn’t tell my Mom what I was doing, then I shouldn’t be doing it. My parents are fairly liberal, yet protective, so they had boundaries that would widen with honesty. If I would tell them I was going to a house party with no parents, their response was that if anyone was to drink — me included, of course — and needed a ride home, then I should call them. Pretty cool, eh?

The older I got, particularly once I moved out of their house, I stopped following this philosophy. I was in college, and then in my twenties, and I was having fun and living it up! My parents wouldn’t understand and I didn’t want to share, certain things are private… at least that’s what I told myself to excuse any behavior I knew they would deem unacceptable. That alone should have told me something, but, of course, I can only see that in hindsight.

If you can’t tell your parents (or at the very least, your friends) about it, then don’t do it. If you’re dating someone that you know your parents won’t like, then there’s probably a reason for it and you’ll figure that out after you get your heart broken, or get stood up, or wake up with your wallet missing. As hard as it is to accept and to say “you were right,” our parents have our best interests at heart. You shouldn’t be ashamed to share, that’s a red flag warning if there ever was one.

So if you’re considering going on a date with someone you’re unsure about, or you’re pondering whether to get serious with someone you don’t think the ‘rents will approve of, or you’re thinking about quitting your job to move to another city either for a mate or to find a mate, then have a heart-to-heart with your mom or dad (or another trusted confidant) and see what their opinion is, and what their instincts tell them; then take that into consideration before making any decisions.


Decision Maker

by JeremySpoke under Date Night,Success Stories

On the first few dates, if you’re a male, try to be at least a little bit decisive. It shows initiative or something.

I’m very bad at doing this. Although I have opinions, often very strong ones, I’m too afraid to express them, especially while out with a woman I hardly know. In general, I almost never talk about politics. I don’t shop around for things. If I need a shirt, I go to a store, pick up the first shirt I see, pay for it, and put it on my body. If someone asks me which insurance I prefer, I say, ‘The one that I pay to insure me in case I do something bad.”

On early dates, I have a bad habit of asking the woman her opinion on what she wants to do, where she wants to eat, what I want to wear, etc. Sometimes, you can come up with something, too. Set something up. Get a general idea of her likes and dislikes, and make an informed decision based on these opinions. If she’s a vegetarian, don’t go to a Brazilian steakhouse. If she’s a carnivore, go to a Brazilian steakhouse. If neither of you are hungry, do something else.

This all seems like obvious advice, but for me, it took a long time to learn. There’s a thin line between benevolence and weakness. I live my life on that line. I still see myself as an a****** that just can’t say no. Maybe there’s no such thing as nice people. There’s just a******* that impose their will and a******* that don’t.


Do Opposites Attract?

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships,Single Life

Can a Cowboy and a City Girl make it work? Does a Southern Belle fit with a Surfer Dude? You see where I’m going here… do opposites attract? They can, and they do. But making it work long term is something else. You have to have commonalities, and more than a few if possible.

The hardest decision you may face is where to live — country, city, suburbs, urban, ocean — who gets to be in their comfort zone? Who has to compromise? And how will the person who compromises be repaid in the end? Should there even be rewards in a relationship — isn’t a successful relationship reward enough? Living accommodations aside, there will be other hurdles that opposites will have to jump, over and over again — but a couple who has a good foundation should be able to conquer anything if they want to.

A relationship is always going to be work, a lot of hard work, and you have to decide how much effort you want to put forth. Is it worth it, or would you rather keep looking for someone with whom you have more in common?