So what is the best way to meet a woman online? I am not a pick-up line guy and typically meet people through personal conversations. I am texting this person I met on JDate and I hate the texting stuff, but it seems that’s how the world works these days. I was married 26 years and am going through a divorce so this is my first stint at this. Any advice?
Texting and dating don’t match. A couple should not begin texting until they have been on a few dates. Before then it is too impersonal and leaves too much to be misconstrued. Believe me, a woman wants to be wooed and a text is not romantic (they can be, they’re just not appropriate in the beginning). After matching up on JDate, send a few emails, ask for her phone number, call her within 48 hours of receiving the digits and ask her out on a date during the first phone call and make the plans within 3-7 days after that phone call. You’ve been out of the dating game for a long time but for the most part things haven’t changed aside from the advances in technology. JDate is already something new and obviously useful, but the other electronic stuff can be ignored for awhile. If you receive a text, answer it succinctly but don’t open the door for a texting conversation. If it does start going back and forth, pick up the phone and call her and tell her that you’d rather hear her voice.
As a continuation to the conversation about dating as a single parent, here is an example of what NOT to do:
A girl I know named Mandy got divorced when her son was just an infant and when he turned 2 last month he had already been exposed to a number of men his Mom thought she was going to marry. Granted, her son is young enough that he will not remember any of these men, but Mandy doesn’t know the meaning of the phrase “take it slow.” She jumps in blind: labeling the relationship after 1 date, introducing her son to each boyfriend immediately, changing her Facebook relationship status, and talking as if each boyfriend is her next husband. It’s astonishing how quickly she enters a relationship, exits it, and enters a new one. Her dating style is worthy of an entirely other column but since she has a child it’s an even worse offense.
Single parents really ought to wait as long as possible before introducing their little one to their new beaus. I know it’s hard for parents like Mandy who have full custody and receive little to no support from the other parent, but try your best to find time without your child present. Once the introductions are made limit the public displays of affection and make sure your child has Mommy (or Daddy) time all to themselves.
It’s understandable to want to make sure your new prospect and your child jive, but if you have good judgment and keep in mind that whomever you choose to marry is also going to be an extra parent to your child then hopefully there won’t be any problems with your kid and your lover getting along because you’ll have picked a great partner.