Extreme Profile Makeover: “Joseph”

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Monday Makeover,Online Dating

Dear Tamar,

I have recently become single again after 3 ½ years off the market, and I set up a JDate account. I was wondering if you could take a look at my profile and tell me what you think.  If you could let me know if there are things I should change, things I should add, etc, I would be grateful.

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Dear Joseph,

I am quite impressed with your profile. You write well and don’t have any glaringly off-putting statements. You uploaded 11 photos, which show your face, body type and interests quite well — but I do believe posting 11 photos is overkill. Try to eliminate at least 3. I recommend people upload between 6-8 photos covering the five Fs:

  • Face
  • Full Body
  • Fun
  • Family & Friends
  • Final Photos

You’ve covered face, full body, and fun, but you don’t have any pictures of you with any of your loved ones. Try to add something there, even if it’s with your dog. Final photos are there to reinforce the consistency of your appearance, which you have covered well.

The only other thing I would add is a one-liner about your divorce. Simply say “I was married at a young age for a short time and learned a lot about what I want in a partner,” or something along those lines. You don’t need to go into detail on JDate, or on a first date, but you should address it briefly and get it out of the way as women will wonder.

Your age range of 24-34 for a 31-year-old is perfect. I recommend a 10-year range and a woman any younger than 24 will likely have a disconnect with you since you’re already a professional with life experience who is looking to settle down. If you aren’t finding enough women who fit your preferences, then try expanding your area by looking in nearby cities and possibly being open to dating a woman with a child or a woman who is shorter or taller than your saved preference.

Good luck!

 

Buy Tamar’s new book How To Woo A Jew: The Modern Jewish Guide to Dating and Mating on Amazon or in bookstores now!


IH8TXTING

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Dear Tamar,

So what is the best way to meet a woman online? I am not a pick-up line guy and typically meet people through personal conversations. I am texting this person I met on JDate and I hate the texting stuff, but it seems that’s how the world works these days. I was married 26 years and am going through a divorce so this is my first stint at this. Any advice?

Dear IH8TXTING,

Texting and dating don’t match. A couple should not begin texting until they have been on a few dates. Before then it is too impersonal and leaves too much to be misconstrued. Believe me, a woman wants to be wooed and a text is not romantic (they can be, they’re just not appropriate in the beginning). After matching up on JDate, send a few emails, ask for her phone number, call her within 48 hours of receiving the digits and ask her out on a date during the first phone call and make the plans within 3-7 days after that phone call. You’ve been out of the dating game for a long time but for the most part things haven’t changed aside from the advances in technology. JDate is already something new and obviously useful, but the other electronic stuff can be ignored for awhile. If you receive a text, answer it succinctly but don’t open the door for a texting conversation. If it does start going back and forth, pick up the phone and call her and tell her that you’d rather hear her voice.


Single Mom Mating

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

As a continuation to the conversation about dating as a single parent, here is an example of what NOT to do:

A girl I know named Mandy got divorced when her son was just an infant and when he turned 2 last month he had already been exposed to a number of men his Mom thought she was going to marry. Granted, her son is young enough that he will not remember any of these men, but Mandy doesn’t know the meaning of the phrase “take it slow.” She jumps in blind: labeling the relationship after 1 date, introducing her son to each boyfriend immediately, changing her Facebook relationship status, and talking as if each boyfriend is her next husband. It’s astonishing how quickly she enters a relationship, exits it, and enters a new one. Her dating style is worthy of an entirely other column but since she has a child it’s an even worse offense.

Single parents really ought to wait as long as possible before introducing their little one to their new beaus. I know it’s hard for parents like Mandy who have full custody and receive little to no support from the other parent, but try your best to find time without your child present. Once the introductions are made limit the public displays of affection and make sure your child has Mommy (or Daddy) time all to themselves.

It’s understandable to want to make sure your new prospect and your child jive, but if you have good judgment and keep in mind that whomever you choose to marry is also going to be an extra parent to your child then hopefully there won’t be any problems with your kid and your lover getting along because you’ll have picked a great partner.