I’ve written a number of posts about not drinking on a date, knowing your limit, and keeping your judgment intact… but what do you do when your date gets totally wasted? My friend Carrie recently told me about a date where the guy arrived buzzed and quickly downed a few drinks, mixing liquors, and became quite inebriated. She knew she was done with him, and he was becoming more and more rambunctious and disrespectful, but she also felt an obligation to make sure he got home safely so she put him in a cab and hoped he was coherent enough to give his address. This was not her responsibility, but I did appreciate her sincere concern. If this happens to you, get the bartender involved. You don’t need to put yourself in harm’s way. It doesn’t matter why your date chose tonight to get drunk — if they lost their job or found out a loved one died or something else just as awful — then they should have cancelled the date. You don’t have to sit by and see how the night is going to end nor do you have to give them another chance. It’s clearly not meant to be so alert the bartender and go on your merry way.
I recently introduced two friends at a party who I thought might hit it off. Did I think they would get married one day? No. But, of the few singles that were there, I felt they would enjoy each other’s company most and have a nice conversation.
I stayed with them for a while because I didn’t want them to feel any pressure of having to click, and if I sensed either of their discomfort I could abort the mission without anyone being the wiser. And that I did. Why? Because my friend Jonathan was a bit too buzzed and was revealing some inappropriate information. What is a normally witty and interesting man became one who was obnoxious. When he mentioned his ex-wife, it turned into a long-winded rant about his former mother-in-law. When the topic of new restaurants came up, it turned into an anger-filled vent about a recent experience with a bad waiter. Then he started making comments about my friend’s appearance in ways he likely thought were flattering, but came out very offensive. And all of this in a loud voice. Needless to say, it wasn’t going well and I excused both my girlfriend and I to go shmooze with others. I apologized for his behavior and was embarrassed for the both of us.
The moral of the story? Don’t drink too much if you can’t control yourself. Know your limit. If you’re saying things you shouldn’t after a few drinks then think of what other poor choices you may make.
Just because alcohol is flowing freely at a singles event doesn’t mean you should drink it. There were many events over the holidays between Hanukkah and New Year’s Eve, which meant there was ample opportunity to drink too much and either make a fool of yourself or lower your inhibitions… or both.
If you fell prey to the bottle in the past, then it would be smart to have a friend with you who is on the same page at social events moving forward — both you and the friend should discuss how you will keep the drinking to a minimum and be responsible for each other. The reason this is important (aside from the obvious drunken debauchery) is that once you have a drink or two, it gets easier and easier to accept the offer of another drink… and another… and another. And then, once again, you’ll find yourself on the wrong side of a hangover.
Instead, decide before going to the event if you will drink and how much, and then stick to it. I know these singles events are tough (I remember them vividly), and I know that having a drink or two to relax is helpful for some people, but you don’t want to go overboard. You are attending these events for a reason, and that reason is to meet someone. Save the liquor for another night.
Don’t get drunk on a date, it’s never a good idea. If the date sucks then just wait until it’s over and then go meet your buddies for some drinks or go home and pour yourself a generous glass of wine. Getting drunk on a bad date will not help it end any faster or any easier, in fact it can make things worse in many ways. The last thing you want to do is lower your inhibitions and go home with the bad date and end up having a very regrettable one night stand. Or you could end up saying something that makes you look bad or reveals a secret about yourself you didn’t mean to share or you could hurt your date’s feelings. One, maybe two drinks maximum is what you should allot yourself. Keep it classy.
You’re dating… it could be one person, it could be a couple of people, but it’s new… you go out with your friends and get tipsy… and you decide THIS would be the perfect time to call or text your latest date(s)… you make a complete fool out of yourself and then wonder why you’re still single the next time you find yourself out with your friends having a few drinks and taking out your phone. It’s a vicious cycle. DO NOT call or text a new date when you’re drunk. It’s just not going to turn out well. The date will either be offended by something you said or by the simple fact that you’re calling drunk at 2am… or the date will take you up on your offer of sexual favors and suddenly the relationship has gone down a different road. If you are truly looking for your Beshert then do not call or text your dates drunk. Dates that you take seriously and respect are not the ones you call drunk in the middle of the night… even if it’s to profess your love. Wait til you’re sober, it will mean more.