under Date Night
What is wrong with going to a bar alone because it makes you happy? Aside from the many things that probably are actually wrong with that, I like doing it.
Whenever I convince a date to go to that horrible bar that I love, I always get there a few hours early. This is not just because I’m obsessively early for everything due to a decade-long superstition about acquiring a fatal hardening-of-the-skin disorder that I once saw in a made-for-TV movie starring Dana Delaney. It’s also because I love going to bars alone.
It’s so great. There’s no pressure to talk to anybody, yet I am welcome to if I want. The bartender knows exactly what I want because she asks me every time, even if my last order was just five minutes ago. Despite the short-term memory of the nice woman whose only job is to have a long-term memory, this is the only place I am truly happy. It’s usually Friday, and I now know why so many people in education are alcoholics. Alcohol can make you feel things that temporarily erase the other bad things you felt earlier in the week.
The one, and very big, drawback to arriving to a date at a bar hours early is that by the time your date arrives, you are already blisteringly drunk. I already talked about this in “Dating Drunk”, but I don’t think I can emphasize enough how big of a deal this is. This could potentially kill a date, or yourself, if you go overboard with the drinking. You will remember the date, but it won’t matter because you will have to go back to your soul-crushing job on Monday.
What’s worse than drinking in front of children? Okay, first, obviously, if you’re with a child and drinking you are one of two very specific things. You are either 1.) A parent who has given up on life but not quite yet on your kid or 2.) Out with a friend who could only go out in the first place if they brought their child. Of course, there are many more situations that meet the criteria, but for the sake of me making something that will make me drunkenly laugh in front of your child sometime this weekend, I’m limiting the scope to two.
Either way, this is a very sad situation. First, if you’re a parent drinking in front of your own child, what are you doing? You might as well teach the child how to cook crystal meth and the economics of underground American prostitution. Okay, it’s really not that bad at all, but it is a little. If you’re alone with your kid and drinking, you better be at home and the kid better be a rental. Don’t tell me that you have a stressful life and one drink at home isn’t a big deal. Maybe that first ‘one-drink-night’ you had at home led to your child being there in the first place. Just kidding. I love drinking and am trying really hard to be funny after a night at Dave & Busters drinking with friends and a friend’s child.
Next, if you’re drinking with a child because your friend had to take their child with them, this is also sad. It is sad for your bad-parent-friend, as well as yourself. I know. You have a stressful job and need at least one beer afterwards. You order a beer before you know your friend is bringing a child. By the time you realize this, your beer has arrived, and the child just sat beside you. You want more of the beer so bad but feel like such a jackass drinking in front of him (her?). Now it’s ruined. Screw the beer. It’s ruined. Go home so you can wake up early the next morning and endure another monotonous, suicidal day before you can once again be beer blocked by some bastard child.
Also! My ex-girlfriend just added me on Facebook. Is this a good thing? I sure think so.
under Online Dating
Every now and then you will see a profile or meet a girl that says she does not drink at all. While this may not be a big deal for some people, it can be awfully tough for those of us that are casual drinkers.
But regardless if you care whether or not you have a drinking partner, is this a red flag?
I personally have always been creeped out and wary of people that say they NEVER drink. Unless they have an addiction problem, I see this as a strange behavior. And to tell the truth, I am not really sure why.
Perhaps I view this person subconsciously as being socially inept. Or perhaps I view them as boring without ever getting to know them.
Are these judgements fair? Probably not. Call me stubborn, but they will never change. Am I the only one who feels this way or is not drinking at all a red flag that something is off?!
As Jews, we’re given a sip of wine every Shabbat dinner and many studies have shown that being allowed that sip keeps us from becoming crazy drinkers. Well, that study goes out the window when dating comes into play. Now, I’m not condoning drinking, but when you’re actively JDating, you’re suddenly going out every other night to bars, dinner or dancing. It’s not a coincidence that the venues most dates take place at are the same venues that serve alcohol.
Drinking while you’re on a JDate is a very sensitive subject because there’s a fine line between being buzzed and being wasted… and wasted is not something you want to be while on a JDate. Whether it’s your first or 101st date, getting drunk very seldom turns out for the best. It’s always nice to have one, maybe two drinks to take the edge off, relax and let the conversation flow. It’s never nice to vomit uncontrollably because you don’t know how to hold your liquor.
As chivalrous as it may seem, a man having to hold your hair back as you puke is not a turn-on for him. And a woman having to jump out of the way when the man passed out on her shoulder decides to get sick is even more disgusting. If I have to get my clothes dry-cleaned after a date because of vomit, I’m probably not going to be in a hurry to answer your next phone call. And if you get so wasted on a date that you don’t remember how you ended up back at home and in bed, don’t be shocked when the guy never calls you again.
There’s probably a rule of thumb we should all stick to when on a JDate. A slight buzz is all that’s really necessary. If you need more in order to endure the date, you should probably call it a night. Don’t risk losing face, or your stomach, just for the sake of trying to make the date as bearable as possible. You don’t want to make the mistake of drinking too much because you don’t like your date and then lowering your inhibitions. Even if you like your date, don’t drink too much so as to cloud your judgement. If you must have a drink to let your guard down, one or two drinks max are all you really need… or better yet, stick to the Manischewitz.