Armageddon

by JeremySpoke under News

Right now, I care way more about myself than I do America. I don’t think that’s unpatriotic. It would be unpatriotic if I cared more about a different country, but I don’t. However, I suppose it’s selfish to care about myself more than I do about some flawed man-made construct that is decaying from the inside.

This is really hard to write about, mostly because I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about. If I was not born and raised in America, I am 100% certain that I would be dead right now. I need all of my middle class luxuries. How do people in third world countries wake up without digital alarm clocks? Oh right, probably extreme hunger.

Four years ago, I didn’t care about myself at all. I also was not in a relationship, and had to focus my care elsewhere. I focused it on America. I think it was a mix of that and the fact that I was influenced by the fact that I was still in a college atmosphere, and college kids tend to care about things like politics and are idealistic and haven’t failed miserably in life yet, which is usually why they were able to go to college. After college, according to Romney, 50% of graduates can’t find a job. I would assume that this harsh realization forces people to narrow their world scope to themselves so they don’t starve or freeze to death. Once they earn enough money to be comfortable, they look outward again. Depending on the amount of money they earn and the part of the country in which they live, they vote accordingly.

Right now, I just don’t care about politics. No matter who we vote for, as I’ve said before, it doesn’t matter. We’re all doomed, and terrible things are coming. I’ve decided to focus inward toward myself and people I care about rather than external forces I have little to no control over. Think of it this way, if you knew that an asteroid was going to hit the earth tomorrow, which very much may happen, would you grab a gun and frantically shoot into the sky, or would you spend time with those you love? Exactly. Me too. Let’s stockpile our weapons and save the world.

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My Vote

by JeremySpoke under Entertainment

The election is in two weeks, and I know that I will have to go to a polling station and place my vote for president. I am really nervous because every time I vote for president, the country gets worse. I first voted for president in 2004, and the country was doing pretty poorly. I thought that by placing my vote, I would stop America from being horrible. Then, the country got a whole lot worse, and in 2008, I voted again, hoping that we would not descend into a hell on earth. However, this is exactly the place we descended. Regardless of who I vote for, and who wins the election, in four years, America will be engulfed in fire and we will all be burned alive.

Voting is important and blah blah blah, but what would happen if not one person voted? I’m sure there’s something in the Constitution detailing that situation, but I’m curious, and I don’t want to do a Google search for this. Maybe if nobody voted, God will descend from the heavens and give everyone a million dollars and a Toyota Corolla and everything will be perfect. Of course, this will cause inflation to skyrocket, as well as increase emissions and car accidents. Didn’t think of that, did you God?

Let’s look at how the presidents that have served since I’ve been of voting age compared to my life’s trajectory during that time period, regardless, or maybe because of, political parties. When Bush was president, my life was spiraling out of control. I was overweight and suffering from a complex variety of anxiety and OCD-related issues. Days blended together in a haze of hamburgers, television, and sleep. Obama campaigned on a promise of ‘Change.’ While I have no idea if he accomplished that politically, my life took a 180 degree turn for the better over the past four years. Now, I don’t want to vote for Romney because I have friends, and I don’t want to vote for Obama because I have parents. I wish I wasn’t so easily influenced by people.

Also, I don’t want to have to live with my decision. No matter which candidate I vote for, we’re all going to die. I don’t want that blood on my hands. On the same token, I can’t live with the knowledge of knowing that I did not vote. Therefore, I think that my only solution is clearer than it has ever been. I should get blistering drunk, have a friend drive me to the voting booth, and force me to vote. I will have no memory of who I voted for, yet my friend will assure me that I did.

I hope that something drastic happens within the next two weeks. I want Obama to give us all the meaning of life, or God to descend and give us all Toyota Corollas.