Email Expiration Date

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Online Dating,Relationships,Single Life

How long is too long to wait before responding to a JDate email? Ideally you would respond within 48 hours — the same amount of time that is acceptable when you’ve received digits from someone who you met at a bar or elsewhere. If there’s a reason that you can’t get in touch earlier, then apologize for the delay and make sure you sweeten the pot by responding with a charming email.

It happens sometimes. Perhaps they were considering another JDater and wanted to give him or her a chance, and thus ignored their inbox until they were available. This is the usual reason why people don’t respond right away and it’s perfectly acceptable. That said, don’t actually ask whether that’s the reason; simply respond that it’s okay, ask your match how they are doing, and then let the conversation go from there. If that response takes a lengthy amount of time again, then you may simply be communicating with a flake or a player. If they reply right away, however, and it’s an engaging email, then let the delay go and move forward.

Timing is everything with dating. Are you going to give up on someone because of a few weeks?


Missed Opportunity?

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Online Dating,Single Life

Dear Tamar,

I dropped my JDate membership just before (or maybe just after) receiving an invitation from a potential match. Anyway, I just reinstated my membership and read a previously unopened letter from 10 months ago. I viewed the woman’s profile and liked it. Unfortunately, her last check-in was the day she sent the letter to me. I emailed a response, but what’s the chances she’ll even know she has mail on JDate?

-Missed Opportunity

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Dear Missed Opportunity,

Unless the object of your affection joins JDate again, the chances are that she won’t see that email. If she hasn’t logged in at all in the past 10 months, then it seems that you did indeed miss an opportunity. She may be in a relationship by now, or she could have taken a break (like you did) and may be rejoining JDate again soon. Either way, you now have even more motivation to stay active on JDate because you will either find someone else or the previous potential suitor will sign back in.

JDate, and dating in general, is a numbers game. You’re going to have missed opportunities, unanswered emails, and email exchanges that lead nowhere. You may also experience several first dates that never result in a second date, and even one or two long-term serious relationships before you meet your Beshert. If you keep at it though, the odds are in your favor.

In the meantime, stay active on JDate by viewing profiles, clicking on Secret Admirer, sending emails and going on dates. Maybe one day that missed opportunity will reappear and you will fall head over heels in love! Or maybe her inactiveness saved you from what could have been a terrible waste of time… and will ultimately lead you to your Beshert!

Pre-order your copy of “How To Woo A Jew — The Modern Jewish Guide to Dating and Mating” now!


Extreme Profile Makeover — “David S.” (Part 2)

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,JDate,Monday Makeover,Online Dating,Single Life

Hi Tamar,

I’ve been on and off JDate for a while; I’ve never had much success in attracting positive responses, either from women contacting me or responding to my emails. I’ve always had my theories as to why, but if it’s really what I’m saying in my profile, or my pictures, I need a little advice.

Thanks!

____________________________________________________________________

Hi David S.,

In Part 1 of this series, we analyzed your JDate profile, which I thought was pretty good!  Now we will delve into your email correspondence to figure out where things may be going astray in your efforts to find your Beshert.

You previously sent me a version of the following back-and-forth email with a JDate prospect which led nowhere (some specifics were deleted by me either for privacy or brevity):

 

Email #1

Hi there,

Can I just tell you that you have seriously beautiful eyes? Wow.

How are you? …. A snow day is a good opportunity to catch up on those cheesy TV shows. What sort of cheese are you into?So as I mentioned in my profile, I think sense of humor can be a great indicator of compatibility, and it sounds like we both have a similar, sarcastic, witty thing happening. It’s a start, right? :)

 
Email #2

Hi Dave,

Thanks for writing… Are you sticking around [town] or heading somewhere warm?I’ll be around… catching up on those cheesy shows. I watch… How about you?Talk to you soon.

 
Email #3

…I wish I were going some place warm!…   But I’m sticking around too. What is your reality TV of choice? What are you excited to do most over the holidays?

Talk soon.

 

 

Tamar’s Synopsis

Your first email to the prospect was great. You started off with a compliment, and then moved on to a commonality, which said a bit about yourself as well and asked a question. She responded by continuing the commonality conversation and answering your question and then asking you a few questions in return, which shows that she read your email and is interested in learning more about you. Here’s the problem: your final email didn’t answer both her questions. You answered the first about not leaving town due to the cold, but you didn’t tell her what cheesy shows you were watching. You did ask a follow-up question (which was good), but rather than continue the conversation via email you should have asked her out. Email #3 should have gone more like this:

“…I wish I were going some place warm! … But I’m sticking around too. Since we are both going to be in town, I’d love to take you out. Since we are talking about cheesy TV shows, how about the cool new fondue place uptown? Let me know, we can either firm up the plans via email or send me your number if you feel comfortable doing so and I’ll call you to figure out when we’re both free next week.”

Do you see the difference? Your email was more of a pen-pal discussion. You were having first date conversation via JDate email rather than being confident and aggressive and getting that date on the calendar. She showed interest in her response to you — so take that momentum and act on it!