under Date Night
I’ve admitted this before; I’m terrible at responding to messages that float into my inbox on JDate. Sometimes I don’t respond because of lack of interest and sometimes because I simply just forget. That’s why I’m a fan of the second round of messages.
- Do: Feel free to send a second follow up email to a person you didn’t hear back from after a week or so. It happens that someone could be interested, but just forgot to respond. Or perhaps they thought they sent you something in return, but never did. Consider sending something friendly and leave out the “how come you didn’t write me back” attack mode. Remember: they don’t have to write you back… ever. It’s your job to make them want to respond.
- Don’t: Send a hundred messages. Know when enough is enough—kind of like how your stomach starts to punch you when you’ve eaten too many Oreo cookies. If you send two messages to a person and still receive no response, consider being done with them. Three is not the charm in this case, it’s simply just a bit creepy. If they don’t respond the second time, I fear they never will.
There is an art to starting a conversation with someone online. With so many males and females saturating the JDate community, simply plowing into a conversation through some sort of generic, vague opening line or email probably isn’t going to get a response, or at least not one with much substance. This same theory applies to IM conversations, where simply saying “Hi” doesn’t really ensure a substantial response.
With so many people emailing and Instant Messaging each other every day, you have to put a little time and effort into how you open a conversation in order to increase your chances of getting a quality response, and progressing from there. If you are really looking to get to know someone, and potentially go out with them, then you have to a take a little time to read through their profile and look at what elements are attractive to you. You can then use what you’ve learned and include those items in an engaging email, or a clever opening line in an Instant Message.
Personally, I like to skim through women’s profiles and look for words or phrases that peak my interest, and then use them to formulate questions, where the responses will offer me more depth and insight into the other person. Additionally, I try to include a few things that we have in common, and then use those commonalities to interject pieces of information about myself which weren’t necessarily included in my profile. While everyone on JDate is looking for something different, and will respond uniquely to each person who approaches them, you can’t go wrong with a more personal approach.
I truly believe that people appreciate others who take a genuine interest in their lives, which usually helps them to lower their guard and open up about their own life and personality. Therefore, if you are like me, and are looking to send emails and Instant Messages with the intention of starting meaningful conversations, then please skip cranking out those same generic messages to every person who looks like they might loosely fit what you’re looking for and take a little extra time to read through their profiles and get to know something about them first.
Since a majority of people on JDate have four or five pictures of themselves posted on their profile it is only natural that they aren’t going to look exactly the same in each picture. Different environments, times of the year and styles all contribute to a certain degree of variance between each snap shot. Over the course of six months or a year, even though a person’s physical features may not noticeably change, their hairstyles (and amount of facial hair for men), style of clothing and settings where their pictures are primarily taken might change, creating a different look for each picture.
Recently I have been asked by several lovely ladies with whom I have been emailing on JDate which one of my pictures I currently look the most like. This repeated question caused me to re-evaluate my aesthetic look in each photo in order to determine which one most clearly indicates how I look right now. The funny part of this analysis was that two of the pictures I had posted were from the spring, but due to the lighting, how I had my hair styled and the clothes I was wearing didn’t depict my current “look” as well as an older picture I also have up on my profile from last summer.
Even though I have the same hairstyle and am wearing similar clothing to my current style in the photo from last summer, I was lazy in the days leading up to the photo and therefore have way more facial hair than I would ever normally have. Unfortunately, in the two other pictures I have posted my head is buzzed, which I used to do quite frequently. Even though I think they are good photos of me in general, they don’t come close to illustrating my current look.
Ultimately, the pictures we choose to represent us on dating websites are important since they are the first thing we notice about a profile, which serves as the gateway to whether or not we proceed to read through the rest of it. In the end I think that it is essential for our self-confidence that we project a positive initial impression, and the only way JDaters® can do that is online. So why not post pictures that you feel good about? As long as you aren’t completely misleading people, I think it’s important to always try to put your best self forward.