Love At First JDate: When to respond to a message

by JenG under Relationships

Though I spend the majority of my time during the day at the computer, especially writing emails, when it comes to remembering to answer messages on JDate I’m simply the worst. Sometimes I won’t write someone back, who genuinely intrigues me, for over 2 weeks. It’s a tendency of a forgetful mind that has me reading a lovely message, smiling, and then quickly being distracted into doing something else.

Do: Answer your messages as soon as you feel like it. Don’t even bother trying to engage in some “I have to wait 24 hours to respond game.” It’s responding to someone, not getting proposed to. There’s no harm in responding quickly and if they find that to be “unattractive” and like a girl they can “chase”, well then move on. That’s just bizarrely bogus and there’s no time for a person like that.

Don’t: Try not to wait an extended long period of time to write back to messages. Keep the conversation flowing and interesting. It’s also very easy to lose a conversation in an overcrowded inbox. Either keep a list of people you enjoy messaging somewhere else to remember to follow up, or respond once you have opened the message to ensure you won’t forget.

Read more of Jen Glantz here: www.thethingsilearnedfrom.com


Is Online Dating Turning Into Twitter?

by jpompey under Online Dating,Relationships

Is online dating turning more into Twitter than ever before?

These days we can access all of our online dating applications through our mobile devices.   What does this mean?  More and more people are no longer taking the time to sit down and actually write well, thought out emails.  Responses are being sent by women while on the go as if they are Twitter updates or responding to text messages.

With each day that passes, I see more emails coming in that are two sentences or fewer.  Many of them barely acknowledge a lot of the information that was written in the previous response, and are just casual, “Twitter-like” responses.

They still show interest.  They still want to talk.  But the effort is not there and they are coming in more brief than ever.

In the fast paced world we live in, is this the future of the way we communicate.  Simple, shallow, rushed responses.  Are we devolving even more than ever?  Will people eventually no longer sit down and write emails? 

I see this as a strong possibility!


Don’t Get Yourself Overwhelmed With Too Many Emails

by jpompey under Online Dating

Normally I just provide online dating advice to men, but this blog entry goes out to the men and women out there.

For women who are online dating, life can start to feel extremely overwhelming, very quickly.  Within days of signing up, most women are likely to have dozens and dozens of messages.  For some, dozens is a grotesque understatement.

And for men who are more advanced at online dating and have thoroughly learned the secrets to attraction, receiving tons of emails will become frequent as well.

The problem lies in the fact that it is extremely tough to keep up.  In fact, you will find yourself talking to so many people at times that it almost feels as if you are not talking to anyone.  All the different faces just become one big blur.

My advice?

Pick one day where you are going to send out all your first emails for the week.  I personally prefer Sunday.  Choose 10 to 12 people.  Out of those, if you are following my advice properly, you should receive between 7 and 10 responses.

Out of those seven, narrow it down to three by the end of the week.

We can’t make time for everyone out there.  Our goal with online dating should NOT be to date as many people as possible, ladies, or hook up with every girl you meet, guys.  Our goal should be to be selective.  And by setting up the right online dating profile, putting up the right pictures, and writing the perfect emails, being selective will be an option for us all.

So don’t overwhelm yourself.  Just narrow it down and stop talking to so many people!


Match Me Up

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Dear Tamar,

I used to receive “matches” in my inbox but I canceled the feature because I have never, ever gotten a single response from any of the matches sent to me. I actually have stopped sending messages to men and instead just respond to messages sent to me. Why don’t men answer?

Dear Match Me Up,

The matches JDate sends are merely recommendations made by a computer based on certain commonalities. In theory, it could work to create a shidduch, but you need to put in the work yourself to find the men whom you think would be a good match. It sounds like you’ve done that and are still not having much luck and are getting frustrated. Take a deep breath. We’ve all gone through this, men and women alike!

As a woman myself, I also used to only respond to men’s emails because I was trying to think of it as getting picked up on in a bar. Every once in a while I would send an email to a guy who really caught my eye, just as I would make the first move on a guy in person (i.e. my now-husband) when I simply couldn’t help it. I don’t think this is a bad way to JDate but you still need to be active via signing on every day, unblocking your views, sending Flirts, widening your preferences and using the Click!® feature. And when a guy really catches your eye and you can’t stop wondering about him, then take the initiative and send him an email.

Finally, have a brutally honest friend review and edit some of your past emails (or even send them my way if you don’t mind me using them as examples). You may not realize how you’re coming across in an email and a simple tweak could mean a huge difference!


Shyness

by GemsFromJen under JBloggers,JDate,Online Dating

Dear Gems from Jen,

I am a shy person, but break out of my shell once I get to know someone.  What would be your best advice to help me break out of my shell from the beginning?  I am not the best talker.  I’m more of a listener, but it’s hard with online dating because at first it’s more about talking than listening.  What could you recommend that could help me talk more at first?

Thanks,

Brian

Dear Brian,

The nice part about JDate is you don’t have to talk until you are ready. Begin with emails and think about what it is you want to say to the person you are interested in getting to know better. Writing allows us to take our time and we don’t have to think on our feet.  It is a great way to get to know someone and allow others to get to know us without having to be too outgoing. Spend some time emailing before you make the decision to speak on the phone. This way, you will feel more at ease when the time comes to speak.

Signed,

Gems from Jen

Tags: , ,

New and Nervous

by GemsFromJen under JBloggers,Online Dating

Dear Gems from Jen,
I am very new at this and very nervous.  I too send out Flirts and emails and get one response and that’s it.  Any suggestions on “spicing” up my profile?  I am simple and down to earth.  A true romantic and don’t seem to be able to keep anyone interested.  Is it normal to always chat and never meet face to face?  Thanks

Dear New And Nervous,
Everyone’s experience on JDate is unique. I’m not so sure there is a “norm” that applies to any one person using the site. My best suggestion is to make sure your profile really, truly describes who you are and the qualities you are searching for.  Make sure your pictures are up to date and really portray what you are all about. For instance, if you state in your profile that cooking is a favorite activity, make certain to use a picture that shows you cooking and having a great time doing it. When describing the qualities you are searching for be specific, but allow room for compromise.  Only pick a small number of qualities that you are unwilling to compromise on. It has been my experience that no one will meet every criterion so make sure you are not too specific. Keep sending Flirts and emails.  Devote some time to this process and don’t expect immediate results. Good things tend to be worth the wait!
Signed,
Gems from Jen

Tags: , ,

What am I doing Wrong?

by GemsFromJen under JBloggers,JDate,Online Dating

Dear Gems from Jen,
 
I am new to JDate and the whole online dating scene in general. I have created my profile and have a subscription. I have pictures and I have been honest about what I am looking for in a woman and I have been honest about who I am. I have seen plenty of nice young ladies look at my profile, but every time I send an email or try to chat I am not getting any responses in return. What am I doing wrong?

 
Dear What am I doing Wrong,
 
I don’t think your question is that unusual.  You are not the first person I have heard from that has had this complaint, nor do I think you will be the last.  What are you saying to the women you email? Are you talking mainly about yourself or are you asking questions about who they are and what they are looking for on JDate? Always make sure the email is one in which the reader can reply to. There is nothing worse than receiving an email from someone and having absolutely nothing to respond to. I have corresponded with a few men who have done just this and it was not an attractive quality.  It made it very difficult to respond  and I felt as if we were having a conversation in which I was not a part of. I want to get to know people, so I ask questions. My curiosity not only gets me the answers I need about a potential date, but it also opens the door for real communication.
 
Numerous people don’t ask questions and take the time to start the getting-to-know-someone process, and then wonder what the problem is.  Make sure that you are showing interest in getting to know the person in which you are attempting to correspond. I understand that online dating is a way of showing the world who you are, but it is also about showing genuine interest in the people you would like to get to know better.
 
Signed,
 
Gems from Jen