Everyone makes New Year’s resolutions, especially those who enjoy dating. At the beginning of each year, those single hopeless romantics create lists of 40-400 bullet points of what they are looking from in that dream Jewish guy or girl, from the color of their eyes, to how they want to meet them, to their favorite sports teams. On that note, if any of you message me, and happen to be Washington Redskins fans, do not expect a response back, even if you do look like Natalie Portman.
With that in mind, here is Adam’s list of the 5 or so women I resolve to date in 2013.
- Dianna Agron- I don’t watch Glee, but apparently she is in this show, according to my baby brother. I am not a vegetarian either, which Agron is, however I can look past that and see that she is a dancer, which will make our first date a two-stepping date, because honestly, two-stepping is like salsa for drunk people.
- Amanda Bynes- Reports say she is “reevaluating” how to spend her social time. I am too, as I am considering pulling the plug on watching Dallas sports due to the pain it causes me. So Amanda, for our first date, let’s get a Venti Americano from Starbucks and watch She’s the Man.
- Emmy Rossum- I am a sucker for girls with brown hair and brown eyes (wait, you mean every Jewish girl?), and Rossum has it, as well as a cameo in my favorite Dragonball Z movie. She also happens to be a distant cousin of Vera Wang, and a singer of Christmas songs, so Emmy, what do you say we browse Bloomingdale’s to the tune of the new Cee Lo Green Christmas Album?
- Melanie Laurent- My mother says I could use some world culture experience, so what better way to do that than by dating a French girl, who was in Inglorious Bastards. With that in mind, our first date would be at the gun range, firing .38 specials at paper targets with the pictures of America’s Ten Most Wanted Criminals, with the second half being at a low-key coffee shop.
- Jamie-Lynn Siegler aka Meadow Soprano- Cause I’d be a total step up from Turtle (Entourage character).
Happy New Year everyone.