My friend Ari is dating a girl who isn’t Jewish and they’ve started getting serious. He is adamant that he only wants to marry a Jewish girl. So is it fair to Christina to keep dating her? She hasn’t done anything wrong, she’s awesome and they have fun, but he knows there’s something missing. He told her how he felt when they first met, but I think she’s hoping to change his mind. The longer they date, the harder it will be to break it off and the more it will hurt. He says they’re having fun, but she seems to really be into him.
I think it’s selfish of Ari to let it get any deeper when he knows it will never amount to anything. Sure, some couples end up falling in love, even when they told themselves they would never date a non-Jew/a lawyer/a smoker/etc, but if Judaism is one of your top priorities (and I, of course, hope it is), then letting a casual date turn into a relationship isn’t a smart idea. Shiksas have feelings too.
I’m nearly 60 and my wife is terminally ill with cancer, living with round-the-clock nursing care under home hospice. I’m on an emotional roller coaster which levels out when I have contact with people outside of my home. That said, I’ve been trying to meet women on JDate for very casual meetings, but as soon as I describe my situation, I become radioactive. Should I stay home til she dies? Make up a different story? Can you think of a way I can explain this without scaring people away?
Dear Waiting to be a Widow,
I think any woman would cringe upon hearing your story and understandably so. Your wife, although dying (and my sincerest condolences, I hope she’s not suffering), is still alive. I’m not sure JDate is the place for you right this minute, but once you’re done grieving it’s a different story, because honestly I don’t think there’s any way to describe your situation without scaring people away. Try to put yourself in their shoes — if you heard your story out of a woman’s mouth you would be scared, too. I hope you find people to socialize with outside the home to help you keep your sanity and I hope you one day find someone on JDate to spend the rest of your life with.
You know that feeling. You can’t quite put your finger on it, you can’t find the words to describe it, it makes you act different and you think you even believe to look different. It’s been nagging you ever since your last date. You can’t concentrate, your stomach is jittery, you can’t stop smiling, everything is sunny and happy even when it isn’t, the nervous anticipation makes you hopeful every time your phone makes a sound, you can’t sit still, and you suddenly are hopeful for the future all because… of that feeling.
You think you have met the one even though you have only met him or her once. There’s just something there, something intangible, but it is something and the best part is that it feels mutual (although you haven’t quite said so, you can feel that too). All you want to do is think about this person all day long, talk on the phone, text each other, and talk about him or her to your family, your friends, the stranger in the elevator, whomever will listen. You’re just so darn excited because you’ve never felt this way before. Or if you have, it’s been a long, long time and this feeling is so very different than the last time. Usually you get the opposite feeling – the one where you know that your date is so very much not the one that you want to leave before appetizers are served. But when one date leads to another and another and another with barely any time in between and yet you can’t stop thinking about, talking about and waiting to see each other during those short breaks then you know you’ve got something good.
Likely it will happen when you least expect it — it could be the 1st or the 300th profile you looked at on JDate, it could happen instantly on your first date or not until your fifteenth date — but eventually it will happen and it’s the best feeling in the world.
under Online Dating
Most people in life live fairly logical lives. We are presented with a decision and then must decide logically which decision is worth making.
These types of situations often occur on a date. We may be having an outstanding time with a beautiful woman and want to extend the date. It’s starts getting kind of late and the question pops up,
“So do you want to come over?” or “You want to do something else?”
This is where the rational part of the female mind steps in thinking of all the reasons why she should not come over.
“I have work tomorrow.” “I haven’t yet been to this person’s home, I feel uncomfortable.” Etc.
When trying to present opposing reasons as to why these women should hang out anyway in a reasonable manner, it will be a lost cause.
Saying things such as, “You will be home early don’t worry about it.” “I only live five minutes away.” Or “Don’t worry, my house is in a great neighborhood” are a wasted cause.
Instead, you need to go on emotions. Make the date so fun that she will throw rationality out the window. Build attraction to such intense levels that she won’t care whether it’s a good idea. Emotions are how to win over beautiful women, not rationality. When people have enough fun they just do not care whether or not staying up until all hours is the most responsible thing because the sacrifice is worth it.
Master the art of doing so, and you will find your online pick up success increasing every day.