This weekend I hosted an ex, along with the members of his band who were in town to perform. He and I have remained close since the break up, so I readily agreed to provide the trio housing. Because the root cause of our relationship’s demise was geography, the visit was strange and emotional, and the inevitable departure only bitter and not sweet.  The weekend was full of hand holding and smiles and picnic lunched catered by our favorite bodega and nostalgia. 

Sigh. I am incapable of even attempting a long-distance relationship of the legitimate and exclusive variety. Even with someone I love. Thus, I remain ready to mingle.

I have recently been in touch with my first serious boyfriend whom I dated on and off over the course of my sophomore and junior years of college. Our long estrangement was notable in a Facebook® universe where getting back in touch would have involved a click of a mouse. Since ending this cold war, we have held more than one reflective discussion on our ill-informed attempt at romance. While at 19 we were not too young to date, we were far too young to do so intelligently, the primary reason our stormy relationship failed to blossom into one of mature calm. It is clear this is the only manner in which we will revisit this ancient history. Now, in our adulthood, we’ve forged a new kind of friendship that revolves around aiding each other with online dating profile optimization.

This morning I had “blunch” (breakfast that ran into lunch) with an ex who has become one of my most favorite friends. Yes, it does happen on occasion.  As I relayed my dating stories and expectations that I have for those I date (which by the way, I think are basic common courtesy expectations), his response was, “Get over it or date someone from the South, then.”  Be prepared to teach some. His point was that my courtship expectations (calling versus texting and the other blunders) aren’t deal breakers and can be taught through communicating with your partner.  Perhaps.  But more importantly and insightfully – he said, “Why don’t you focus on what your date needs to make him feel safe and want to invest in you emotionally?”  Hmmm…I guess all too often maybe we forget to see things from the other person’s perspective and give off the wrong signals as we are only focused on our date meeting our own expectations. Admittedly, all too often I’m quick to say “done, he didn’t do yada yada…”  I guess my next date gets to benefit from my ex’s advice and my new experiment…Let me think about him and his perspective…(rather than just I). “I” think if we all did this perhaps there would be less frustrated singles and more happy couples.  Things that make you want to go hmmm.