Divorced and Dejected

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,JDate,Online Dating,Relationships,Single Life

Dear Tamar,

About 7 months ago my husband admitted to me that that “he didn’t think he wanted to be married to me for the next 20 or 30 years.” We’ve been married 18 years with 3 beautiful teenagers who were the focus of our marriage. He moved out 6 weeks ago and we’re at the beginning stages of a divorce.

So I’ve been betrayed, and rejected, and now my family needs to find a new normal. I want to date now even though people say it’s too early, but I’m lonely and want to do things with someone. So I signed up for JDate but I don’t know how to proceed. All I know is I don’t plan on or want to talk about my divorce while on a date.  Any advice?

Dear Divorced & Dejected,

Whew! You have had a heckuva ride these past few months. It sounds like you have a lot of healing to do but I can understand your need to be with someone… you haven’t been alone in 18 years! On one hand I think some real alone time will do you some good and on the other hand I think some real fun rebound dates where you’re made to feel wanted and gorgeous is good for the soul as well.

My advice to you regarding JDate is this: select divorced in the “current relationship status” box and under “what type of relationship are you looking for?” you should check “an activity partner,” “a date” and “a friend.” At this point you don’t need to go anywhere near the relationship or marriage categories. And in your “About Me” paragraph simply put that you are looking for fun, distraction and nothing serious as your marriage recently ended and leave it at that. You say you don’t want to talk about it with a date, so don’t.  And once you go on dates, and they ask about your marriage (because they will), simply tell your date that at this point you don’t want to talk about the past or anything negative, and that you just want to get to know him and have fun. Most of the guys you will be going out with are also going to be divorced and probably don’t want to think about their ex-wives either!

Give it some time but in the meantime, allow yourself to discover the new, independent you! Good luck!

The Return of The Ex

by GemsFromJen under JBloggers,Relationships

It is such an interesting phenomena.  Exs like to make their way back once you are over them.  Why is that?  How do they know?  Even if you haven’t spoken for months as soon as one moves on without fail the ex re-appears. I cannot think of one girlfriend who has not experienced this.

I am always confronted with the question, “what do I do now that he wants to give it another shot?”  The way I tend to look at the return of an ex is that there was a reason it ended, so do you want to go through that again? This is not to say some exs who reunite don’t work out, but the general rule is most don’t. I guess the lesson here is, if you are over it move on.  Find what it is you are really looking for.  An ex is like an old pair of shoes, sure they might be comfortable, but the soles are worn out. I always tell my friends who are considering going back to think very carefully before making the decision to return. Most people don’t change and patterns will usually repeat.

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