Extreme Profile Makeover: “Joseph”

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Monday Makeover,Online Dating

Dear Tamar,

I have recently become single again after 3 ½ years off the market, and I set up a JDate account. I was wondering if you could take a look at my profile and tell me what you think.  If you could let me know if there are things I should change, things I should add, etc, I would be grateful.


Dear Joseph,

I am quite impressed with your profile. You write well and don’t have any glaringly off-putting statements. You uploaded 11 photos, which show your face, body type and interests quite well — but I do believe posting 11 photos is overkill. Try to eliminate at least 3. I recommend people upload between 6-8 photos covering the five Fs:

  • Face
  • Full Body
  • Fun
  • Family & Friends
  • Final Photos

You’ve covered face, full body, and fun, but you don’t have any pictures of you with any of your loved ones. Try to add something there, even if it’s with your dog. Final photos are there to reinforce the consistency of your appearance, which you have covered well.

The only other thing I would add is a one-liner about your divorce. Simply say “I was married at a young age for a short time and learned a lot about what I want in a partner,” or something along those lines. You don’t need to go into detail on JDate, or on a first date, but you should address it briefly and get it out of the way as women will wonder.

Your age range of 24-34 for a 31-year-old is perfect. I recommend a 10-year range and a woman any younger than 24 will likely have a disconnect with you since you’re already a professional with life experience who is looking to settle down. If you aren’t finding enough women who fit your preferences, then try expanding your area by looking in nearby cities and possibly being open to dating a woman with a child or a woman who is shorter or taller than your saved preference.

Good luck!


Buy Tamar’s new book How To Woo A Jew: The Modern Jewish Guide to Dating and Mating on Amazon or in bookstores now!

Extreme Profile Makeover — “David S.” (Part 2)

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,JDate,Monday Makeover,Online Dating,Single Life

Hi Tamar,

I’ve been on and off JDate for a while; I’ve never had much success in attracting positive responses, either from women contacting me or responding to my emails. I’ve always had my theories as to why, but if it’s really what I’m saying in my profile, or my pictures, I need a little advice.



Hi David S.,

In Part 1 of this series, we analyzed your JDate profile, which I thought was pretty good!  Now we will delve into your email correspondence to figure out where things may be going astray in your efforts to find your Beshert.

You previously sent me a version of the following back-and-forth email with a JDate prospect which led nowhere (some specifics were deleted by me either for privacy or brevity):


Email #1

Hi there,

Can I just tell you that you have seriously beautiful eyes? Wow.

How are you? …. A snow day is a good opportunity to catch up on those cheesy TV shows. What sort of cheese are you into?So as I mentioned in my profile, I think sense of humor can be a great indicator of compatibility, and it sounds like we both have a similar, sarcastic, witty thing happening. It’s a start, right? :)

Email #2

Hi Dave,

Thanks for writing… Are you sticking around [town] or heading somewhere warm?I’ll be around… catching up on those cheesy shows. I watch… How about you?Talk to you soon.

Email #3

…I wish I were going some place warm!…   But I’m sticking around too. What is your reality TV of choice? What are you excited to do most over the holidays?

Talk soon.



Tamar’s Synopsis

Your first email to the prospect was great. You started off with a compliment, and then moved on to a commonality, which said a bit about yourself as well and asked a question. She responded by continuing the commonality conversation and answering your question and then asking you a few questions in return, which shows that she read your email and is interested in learning more about you. Here’s the problem: your final email didn’t answer both her questions. You answered the first about not leaving town due to the cold, but you didn’t tell her what cheesy shows you were watching. You did ask a follow-up question (which was good), but rather than continue the conversation via email you should have asked her out. Email #3 should have gone more like this:

“…I wish I were going some place warm! … But I’m sticking around too. Since we are both going to be in town, I’d love to take you out. Since we are talking about cheesy TV shows, how about the cool new fondue place uptown? Let me know, we can either firm up the plans via email or send me your number if you feel comfortable doing so and I’ll call you to figure out when we’re both free next week.”

Do you see the difference? Your email was more of a pen-pal discussion. You were having first date conversation via JDate email rather than being confident and aggressive and getting that date on the calendar. She showed interest in her response to you — so take that momentum and act on it!

Extreme Profile Makeover — “David S.” (Part 1)

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Monday Makeover,Online Dating,Single Life

Hi Tamar,

I’ve been on and off JDate for a while; I’ve never had much success in attracting positive responses, either from women contacting me or responding to my emails. I’ve always had my theories as to why, but if it’s really what I’m saying in my profile, or my pictures, I need a little advice.



Hi David S.,

I’m going to start with your profile review in Part 1 and then review your emails in Part 2.

I am actually quite impressed with your profile. The pictures are nice, your paragraphs are well-written and interesting, and you seem like a great catch! That means we need to see what your preferences are to determine if you are going after the wrong type of woman.

Although you’re a young-looking 41-year-old, your age range ends at 41 — and being that you’re in your early 40s, I believe you need to expand your max age to abut 43. Your minimum age range of 32 is correct in following my advice, but since you are young looking and active, I’d lower it a bit to 30. Adding two years to both sides of the age range spectrum will widen your pool of prospects. You can do the same to your height requirements and your geographic boundaries.

Additionally, I don’t see much about your family in your profile and I think it’s important to include some tidbits, whether it be in an additional photograph (with description) and/or a line in “About Me” and “A Brief History of My Life.” If this topic is a contentious one then try to find some positive memory from your childhood and include that.

Since there doesn’t seem to be too many issues with your profile, I’m going delve into the email samples you’ve supplied in part 2 of this series (which posts tomorrow) in order to see where any other issues may lie!

Extreme Profile Makeover — “Daniel R.”

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Monday Makeover,Online Dating

Hello Tamar,

I have rewritten my profile many times, and I am not sure why people don’t respond to me or even message me. I am heavier than I am now in some of my pictures, but I am not sure how to write that. I could use a lot of help redoing my profile. Any help you can provide is greatly appreciated.


Hi Daniel,

In looking at your profile and pictures, I think you fall into the common trap of providing too much information and writing in ways that make sense in your head — as you would say it — but that don’t necessarily read smoothly.

In regards to your weight gain, update your photos to show how you look now. If you don’t have photos, then take them. In the meantime, you don’t have to specifically address the weight gain, but you do need to change your body type as it states “average/medium build” when you are larger than that. But this is where you give too much information as your exact weight isn’t necessary. I don’t recommend that anyone complete their exact weight as stating your build and providing accurate pictures along with your height is enough. There are two photos of you with another guy (who I assume is your brother), please add descriptions to your photos and specify which guy you are in the photo, as you and your brother look alike.

Proofread your paragraphs; there are many typos. However, the paragraph under “A Brief History of My Life” is where you seem to get too detailed — saying you have your MBA is great, but from where is not necessary at this point — that is the information you want to save for the first date! You mention a few of the same things twice in answering different questions, for instance your dream job and hanging out with friends. Not all questions need to be answered. If you find yourself repeating, then determine if you actually need to answer both questions.

I would also narrow down what you’re looking for under “Your Ideal Match” and remember to expand your age range as you age.

Otherwise, keep being active, send Flirts, click “Yes, No or Maybe” under Secret Admirer and send short but sweet emails to women whom you find to be strong matches.

JDate 911 — What Am I Doing Wrong?

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Dear Tamar,

I have no idea what I am doing wrong on JDate. I am a handsome, successful 27-year-old and I think I am just not able to convey that in my profile. I have really tried JDate: I’ve literally sent out a couple hundred messages and gotten very few responses. I don’t know what I am doing wrong could definitely could use some help.


Dear Mr. Handsome,

First off, you don’t necessarily want to convey that you are successful because you don’t want women showing interest in you based on your riches. And you don’t have to write about how handsome you are — your pictures should do the trick for you as long as you have good photos. My concern when I read “a couple hundred messages” is that you may be sending copy & paste emails — NEVER DO THIS! Make sure your emails are written specifically for that prospect. My other concern about so many emails sent is that your preferences may not be narrow enough and therefore you are sending emails to women who clearly would not be interested in you for whatever reasons. So make sure your profile is not obnoxious about how successful you are, make sure your photos are good, write charming emails, and narrow down your preferences slightly to be more realistic. Don’t give up. The odds are in your favor whether it feels like it or not!

When Typos Still Make Sense

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Some people can’t spell and may not know the difference between “compliment” and “complement” while others make the typo unintentionally and spell check doesn’t catch it because it’s really a word. But when you use the example above to answer a JDate profile question about looking for a mate to complement you — except you use the word compliment — then it sounds like you want someone to tell you how awesome you are all day versus someone who is the yin to your yang.

What does this mean?

Read your answers carefully and then do so again after a few days with fresh eyes. If you sat down an hour ago to fill out your entire profile then you probably are not seeing clearly anymore. Take a break. And if you’re known for typos — whether it’s because you can’t spell or because you type too fast — then ask a confidant who is confident to read through your answers and catch whatever you and a computer missed.

Words That Describe Me

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Perusing through JDate profiles at random I came across a few who had the phrase “Three words that describe me are…” followed by a few adjectives. This is a pretty cool approach to use as long as those three words are not the generic words that people use when describing themselves and others in regards to dating. So many people just say: smart, funny and attractive. Be more specific and more inventive. Find words that describe while also describing the adjective itself. If thinking of the three words is too easy then you didn’t put enough effort into it. Try other words such as: kind, heartfelt, adventurous, outgoing, sensitive, generous, fun-loving, joyful and then if you can’t think of anything else then add the more generic adjectives to round it out.

Creepy Photo Question

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Dear Tamar,

Basically, I’ve recently “Secretly Admired” about 12 guys, and no one admired me back. Since I am not particularly ugly, and still (relatively) young, it occurred to me I might have committed some gross mistake with my profile. Are the pictures I posted inadvertently creepy? Is there something else?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


Dear Creepy Photos,

First, you are nowhere near just “not particularly ugly” and in fact are quite pretty! Own it!

And no, your photos aren’t creepy at all, but I would change the order around. The first 2 with that pretty dress are both taken at an awkward angle which makes it look like the dress is falling off and you’re about to expose your breast! I would just delete those. Regardless though, I really love the 3rd photo close-up in the white shirt as your main profile pic and the 4th photo with your chin resting on your hand as your 2nd pic. The photo of you blowing out your birthday candles is very cute but the one of you posing in the Alps is kind of stiff. I’d take a new full length photo for the 4th photo.

I would lower your preferred age range to find more prospects. Starting with a man 5 years older than you and only having an eight year age gap is not going to produce many results. Expand your age range to at least include your own age and go up from there.

Extreme Profile Makeover — “Alla”

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Get an Extreme Profile Makeover

Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers. Today she’s tweaking the profile for “Alla.”


Hi Tamar,

I would appreciate if you could take a look at my profile. I find that guys I think should be interested (those with a similar education, age, etc.) simply look at my profile and move on without contacting me. I am also finding a few slightly creepy guys or much younger guys are starting to email me! I have been on JDate for many years with mixed success, but seem to be having less luck connecting now than ever before. I noticed about 50% of men don’t seem to actually read my profile. You will likely suggest more pictures, and all of my pictures show me in huge sunglasses. Is it ok to get some professional shots, or is that trying too hard? Thanks for any advice!


Hi Alla,

Yes, I think professional photos are okay as long as there are candid ones mixed in too. More on that under the PHOTOS headline.

As you probably know I’m not a huge fan of a name or word with a bunch of letters and numbers after it. I prefer that you be a bit more original and if you want to use your first name then try to create some fun and meaningful combo of letters and/or words. So instead of, say, Tamar1B286, I would put Tamar1980 (for my birth year) or TamarSOCAL (for where I live).

You’re right- you need more photos, more recent photos and more non-sunglass-wearing photos. Keep these, but add some professional ones as well as some other candid ones taken this year. As long as the professional pics don’t show you wearing the same clothes in every frame with the same background then it will be fine. Be relaxed and not too posed.

Nothing glaring stands out to me but something I noticed in another recent EPM which I didn’t like is calling your current city your home “at the moment.” My issue with it, is why would someone want to date you if you imply that you want to or could or would move? If you are looking for your beshert in your curent city then I hope that either you’d be willing to settle down there or you’d make sure the other person is willing and able to move with you as needed. Better to just explain, as you do, why you have moved so much and why you are now in your current city and leave it at that. I really like everything else you have to say as well as the way you say it.

You answered where you grew up in your paragraph so go ahead and answer at least where you were born or where you spent the majority of your childhood. I’d narrow down what you’re looking for because selecting every option is not the best option. If you have a paid JDate account then you’re more than likely not looking for a friend or an activity partner.

I think with adding and enhancing your photos then you will see a lot more activity that you’re hoping for. You’re an attractive doctor in a major Texas city, so although there are less Jews in general there you should still have no problem getting more attention once you take more pictures to better represent yourself.

Extreme Profile Makeover — “Lenore”

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Get an Extreme Profile Makeover

Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers. Today she’s tweaking the profile for “Lenore.”


Hi Tamar,

I’m on my second go-around on JDate and the responses from men have been underwhelming. My friends seem to have many more dates. I think I’m attractive and accomplished, so I’m thinking I need a profile makeover?


Hi Lenore,

After a quick glance there are a few things I’d change in your profile to get the response you’re looking for.

Although your profile name is unique, and I know it describes what you do for a living, I don’t think it’s the best fit for your JDate profile. You actually have some great lines throughout your profile which I would recommend using, such as: needQBfor2ndhalf or NoSuchThingAsPerfect.

I like your current main photo but I strongly suggest deleting the 2nd photo. Not only is it now about a year old but since it’s a picture of a picture it is warped. Pictures less than a year old can be dated just as pictures 18 months old can still be relevant. In your case, you look like you’ve lost weight and your hair is totally different, so I’d delete the 2nd photo as you don’t look like that anymore. The 3rd and 4th are cute and fun, but now you’re lacking a supplementary photo, so get to clicking and take some pics with you smiling! Since your main photo is a posed business style headshot, try to have the new photos (2 more would be good) be more candid and relaxed.

You answer everything, which is great, but you do repeat yourself a lot. You know the phrase, “pretty girls don’t have to say they’re pretty?” or “rich people don’t say they’re rich?” well, people with lots of great friends don’t have to state it every chance they get because then it begins to read as inauthentic. You talk about how many good friends you have in About Me, so go ahead and delete the other mentions from your other answers. Also, delete the last 2 lines of About Me. The first seems incomplete and the second is unnecessary. Otherwise I like the rest of your answers, maybe reread them and try to edit them to be a bit more casual and less formal (ie. use “don’t” instead of “do not”) and make sure sentences flow well.

There’s nothing about your details I would change. I don’t think the issue is in your preferences or your paragraphs, I really think that your profile name and photos weren’t doing you justice and that by deleting and adding according to my instructions above you will find more success.