When Typos Still Make Sense

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Some people can’t spell and may not know the difference between “compliment” and “complement” while others make the typo unintentionally and spell check doesn’t catch it because it’s really a word. But when you use the example above to answer a JDate profile question about looking for a mate to complement you — except you use the word compliment — then it sounds like you want someone to tell you how awesome you are all day versus someone who is the yin to your yang.

What does this mean?

Read your answers carefully and then do so again after a few days with fresh eyes. If you sat down an hour ago to fill out your entire profile then you probably are not seeing clearly anymore. Take a break. And if you’re known for typos — whether it’s because you can’t spell or because you type too fast — then ask a confidant who is confident to read through your answers and catch whatever you and a computer missed.


Words That Describe Me

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Perusing through JDate profiles at random I came across a few who had the phrase “Three words that describe me are…” followed by a few adjectives. This is a pretty cool approach to use as long as those three words are not the generic words that people use when describing themselves and others in regards to dating. So many people just say: smart, funny and attractive. Be more specific and more inventive. Find words that describe while also describing the adjective itself. If thinking of the three words is too easy then you didn’t put enough effort into it. Try other words such as: kind, heartfelt, adventurous, outgoing, sensitive, generous, fun-loving, joyful and then if you can’t think of anything else then add the more generic adjectives to round it out.


Creepy Photo Question

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Dear Tamar,

Basically, I’ve recently “Secretly Admired” about 12 guys, and no one admired me back. Since I am not particularly ugly, and still (relatively) young, it occurred to me I might have committed some gross mistake with my profile. Are the pictures I posted inadvertently creepy? Is there something else?

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Dear Creepy Photos,

First, you are nowhere near just “not particularly ugly” and in fact are quite pretty! Own it!

And no, your photos aren’t creepy at all, but I would change the order around. The first 2 with that pretty dress are both taken at an awkward angle which makes it look like the dress is falling off and you’re about to expose your breast! I would just delete those. Regardless though, I really love the 3rd photo close-up in the white shirt as your main profile pic and the 4th photo with your chin resting on your hand as your 2nd pic. The photo of you blowing out your birthday candles is very cute but the one of you posing in the Alps is kind of stiff. I’d take a new full length photo for the 4th photo.

I would lower your preferred age range to find more prospects. Starting with a man 5 years older than you and only having an eight year age gap is not going to produce many results. Expand your age range to at least include your own age and go up from there.


Extreme Profile Makeover — “Alla”

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

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Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers. Today she’s tweaking the profile for “Alla.”

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Hi Tamar,

I would appreciate if you could take a look at my profile. I find that guys I think should be interested (those with a similar education, age, etc.) simply look at my profile and move on without contacting me. I am also finding a few slightly creepy guys or much younger guys are starting to email me! I have been on JDate for many years with mixed success, but seem to be having less luck connecting now than ever before. I noticed about 50% of men don’t seem to actually read my profile. You will likely suggest more pictures, and all of my pictures show me in huge sunglasses. Is it ok to get some professional shots, or is that trying too hard? Thanks for any advice!

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Hi Alla,

Yes, I think professional photos are okay as long as there are candid ones mixed in too. More on that under the PHOTOS headline.

PROFILE NAME
As you probably know I’m not a huge fan of a name or word with a bunch of letters and numbers after it. I prefer that you be a bit more original and if you want to use your first name then try to create some fun and meaningful combo of letters and/or words. So instead of, say, Tamar1B286, I would put Tamar1980 (for my birth year) or TamarSOCAL (for where I live).

PHOTOS
You’re right- you need more photos, more recent photos and more non-sunglass-wearing photos. Keep these, but add some professional ones as well as some other candid ones taken this year. As long as the professional pics don’t show you wearing the same clothes in every frame with the same background then it will be fine. Be relaxed and not too posed.

IN MY OWN WORDS
Nothing glaring stands out to me but something I noticed in another recent EPM which I didn’t like is calling your current city your home “at the moment.” My issue with it, is why would someone want to date you if you imply that you want to or could or would move? If you are looking for your beshert in your curent city then I hope that either you’d be willing to settle down there or you’d make sure the other person is willing and able to move with you as needed. Better to just explain, as you do, why you have moved so much and why you are now in your current city and leave it at that. I really like everything else you have to say as well as the way you say it.

DETAILS
You answered where you grew up in your paragraph so go ahead and answer at least where you were born or where you spent the majority of your childhood. I’d narrow down what you’re looking for because selecting every option is not the best option. If you have a paid JDate account then you’re more than likely not looking for a friend or an activity partner.

I think with adding and enhancing your photos then you will see a lot more activity that you’re hoping for. You’re an attractive doctor in a major Texas city, so although there are less Jews in general there you should still have no problem getting more attention once you take more pictures to better represent yourself.


Extreme Profile Makeover — “Lenore”

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

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Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers. Today she’s tweaking the profile for “Lenore.”

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Hi Tamar,

I’m on my second go-around on JDate and the responses from men have been underwhelming. My friends seem to have many more dates. I think I’m attractive and accomplished, so I’m thinking I need a profile makeover?

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Hi Lenore,

After a quick glance there are a few things I’d change in your profile to get the response you’re looking for.

PROFILE NAME
Although your profile name is unique, and I know it describes what you do for a living, I don’t think it’s the best fit for your JDate profile. You actually have some great lines throughout your profile which I would recommend using, such as: needQBfor2ndhalf or NoSuchThingAsPerfect.

PHOTOS
I like your current main photo but I strongly suggest deleting the 2nd photo. Not only is it now about a year old but since it’s a picture of a picture it is warped. Pictures less than a year old can be dated just as pictures 18 months old can still be relevant. In your case, you look like you’ve lost weight and your hair is totally different, so I’d delete the 2nd photo as you don’t look like that anymore. The 3rd and 4th are cute and fun, but now you’re lacking a supplementary photo, so get to clicking and take some pics with you smiling! Since your main photo is a posed business style headshot, try to have the new photos (2 more would be good) be more candid and relaxed.

IN MY OWN WORDS
You answer everything, which is great, but you do repeat yourself a lot. You know the phrase, “pretty girls don’t have to say they’re pretty?” or “rich people don’t say they’re rich?” well, people with lots of great friends don’t have to state it every chance they get because then it begins to read as inauthentic. You talk about how many good friends you have in About Me, so go ahead and delete the other mentions from your other answers. Also, delete the last 2 lines of About Me. The first seems incomplete and the second is unnecessary. Otherwise I like the rest of your answers, maybe reread them and try to edit them to be a bit more casual and less formal (ie. use “don’t” instead of “do not”) and make sure sentences flow well.

DETAILS
There’s nothing about your details I would change. I don’t think the issue is in your preferences or your paragraphs, I really think that your profile name and photos weren’t doing you justice and that by deleting and adding according to my instructions above you will find more success.


Extreme Profile Makeover — “Orit”

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

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Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers. Today she’s tweaking the profile for “Orit.”

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Dear Tamar,

Many men view my profile, but so few write an email. Is this typical, or would it suggest that my profile needs to be revised? From my experience, writing first is no solution! Thank you.

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Hi Orit,

I’d start with revising your profile before assuming the lack of emails are typical.

PROFILE NAME
Your profile name starts out great… until I got to the jumble of letters and numbers following what otherwise is a cute phrase. I do however like that you reference said phrase in your first paragraph of In My Own Words. If you craft a different combo of letters and numbers which are meaningful (your initials and birth year perhaps) then that would be better than letting JDate assign some random code.

PHOTOS
I suggest taking a new main profile photo and using the other 3 as the supplemental photos. You look best when your hair is a bit more disheveled like in photo 3 and not so heavy on your forehead like in photo 1. Also, the fuzzy sweater in photo 1 is a bit overwhelming so I recommend not wearing it in the new profile photo or on any first dates.

IN MY OWN WORDS
I don’t have a problem with the brevity of your responses but there are other issues which could easily be turning men off. You reference moving to Israel next year — why would a man want to get involved with you when you have one foot out the door? You’re missing letters and punctuation in places which create confusing run-on sentences. For instance, under About Me, it should say “I also think outside the box” and under My Perfect First Date, it should say “Wanting a second date = a perfect first date” and under You Should Message Me If, it should say: “You want to.” with a period before taking on the final part. I would also add where your kid lives and if you have any grandchildren. Also, you seem very active and smart and should expand upon what you do in your free time and what you earned your PhD for.

DETAILS
This is where you are probably turning off the most men, because you’ve barely answered any of these questions. Even if you select every option, you should respond to more of these questions which detail who you are and what you are looking for. You don’t need to answer them all, but right now 75% are blank. Complete your profile to up the ante.


Extreme Profile Makeover — “Jason V.”

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

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Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers. Today she’s tweaking the profile for “Jason V.”

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Dear Tamar,

I don’t know why I keep getting put off on getting dates. Phone calls get put off as well. I have a conversation on the phone and I get the shaft. I am a sweet guy turning sour. Help!

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Hi Jason V.,

Perhaps your lack of response has to do with the type of woman you’re attracting with your profile. Here are some tips for making sure you’re drawing in the right kind of woman.

PROFILE NAME
I think your profile name is cute even though I’m not a huge fan of astrology (see “What’s Your Sign“). It shows that you’re not a typical guy and of course tacking on the acronym of the state you live in is also a great way to make your profile name personalized and unique.

PHOTOS
I’m not a fan of your photos although I applaud you for obviously making an effort to get new pics taken. Because the first 4 photos are all taken in the same place with the same outfit, it is more of a distraction than anything else. Photos 2 and 4 are basically the same photo just a frame off. Delete photos 3 and 4 and make photo 6 your main profile pic. Then take another 2 photos closer up of your face — in different outfits — and add them to the que.

IN MY OWN WORDS
I understand that you speak multiple languages and that English may not be your first language, therefore it is important to have a native English speaker review your paragraphs as there are many typos. You may even be able to spot them yourself now that it’s been a while since you’ve written them. From punctuation to lack of spaces, there are typos which are distracting. You answered the important questions and although many of your answers are short, they are meaningful. After making the necessary corrections you should be pretty good to go. The only answer I would expand upon is “My Life and Ambitions” because this is not the place where you simply say you want a great woman but what else you want for yourself. This is also the place where you talk about your kids (especially since they don’t live with you, you need to explain why) and how long you’ve been divorced and where you want your career to go. Again, double check you’re using words correctly (ie. “Amorous” is not used properly), since you’re not attracting the right women who respond to your date inquiries.

DETAILS
Delete your income and the word “some” under “What I Do” but otherwise your details and what you’re looking for is complete and varied.

Since you have troubles with phone calls, I think you should address that English is not your first language as a woman may not necessarily be able to tell from reading your profile and may get put off by your accent. Some women love accents, but all women want to know you have one ahead of time just as they would want to know your age, height and if you have kids. Address it in your profile so it’s not a surprise on the phone.


Who’s Viewed You?

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Every single one of you is guilty, admit it. As soon as you log in to your JDate account the first thing you do is click on the “Who’s Viewed You?” link and see who has checked out your profile since the last time you logged in. Sometimes you’re excited because the prospect has viewed you again and there’s mutual interest, sometimes you’re excited to see some new faces and other times you get supremely bummed because neither of the above happened.

Then of course you go to the “Recently Viewed” link to see if the prospects you viewed have logged in since then and if they have, why didn’t they view you back? And if they haven’t logged in yet then at least there’s still a morsel of hope!

This is why it’s imperative that you keep your profile set to viewable because if you’ve hidden your profile — even if you email prospects — then you are exponentially lowering your odds at meeting someone. So unless you’re in the midst of doing a profile makeover or are dating someone and waiting to see how serious it gets then there’s no reason to hide your profile.


Extreme Profile Makeover — “Jason W.”

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

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Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers. Today she’s tweaking the profile for “Jason W.”

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Hi Jason W.,

You’ve got a great profile and I think a few tweaks will be all you need to help you attract the higher quality woman you are looking for.

PROFILE NAME
Having a profile name composed of your birth year and initials is fine, it’s not massively attention-grabbing but it’s you and it’s unique. No need to change it unless you get some awesome idea which hasn’t been used yet.

PHOTOS
You’re cute, I’m not going to lie. The first photo grabs the attention which your profile name lacks. The next 3 are cool because it shows you living life, traveling and having fun. I would add another one or two photos showing you closer up because the last 3 are pictures taken from further away or you’re wearing sunglasses. It’s great to use a photo showing the scenery of where you’ve traveled, but then you need to balance it out with an up close and personal pic.

IN MY OWN WORDS
I appreciate that you’ve answered the questions thoroughly and honestly. Fix a couple of your capitalization typos to perfect your shpiels. My only concern would be this: you are tall, in your early 30s and good looking and with what looks like a really good head on your shoulders. So what’s the problem? Girls may think you are either too perfect or a fraud. Mention something about your midwestern roots and humble upbringing. Add a witty, slightly self-deprecating one-liner. And finally, your life appears pretty complete on paper, so talk about your desire for a partner. Your answers to I’M LOOKING FOR and MY IDEAL RELATIONSHIP seem to ask a lot of intangibles from a woman and may put a lot of pressure on the ladies you go out with. It’s important to have some level of expectation but perfection is not one of them. At the end of the day you want a real person laying next to you in bed, not a resume.

DETAILS
I would delete your annual income. I know you are an entrepreneur and you are proud to be successful, but because you seem so perfect already then stating your income is overboard. It’s just too much. Otherwise I like all the other answers until MY IDEAL MATCH. As a man in his early thirties you should be interested in much more than a Long Term Relationship so select Marriage and Children as well. Then expand your Age Range because it makes no sense that it stops at a few years younger than your age. Your maximum should be at least your own age if not a year or two higher when you’re 33. It’s important that you answer if you would date a woman with children and if you want a woman who wants children. Finally, you have selected every option under Religion and Education and I know that a man who loves pork and shellfish and has a Master’s Degree wouldn’t date a woman who only graduated high school and is Orthodox.

Being perfect is not what women are looking for, so make sure you’re being real and you will attract a real woman too. Good Luck!


Extreme Profile Makeover — “Carly”

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

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Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers. Today she’s tweaking the profile for “Carly.”

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Hi Carly,

I’m surprised your profile is so popular what with the lack of photos and completed profile, alas,  you haven’t found anyone you like yet so I think a little profile makeover is just what you need.

PROFILE NAME
I like that your personality is in your profile name — I like 2 have fun 2! — but since the arrangement of the letters and numbers was already taken the name loses some of the originality and excitement with the added jumble of letters and numbers at the end. If you can change up the name a bit to make it unique then it would be better.

PHOTOS
Two photos. Oy. Not a fan. And the first one has you wearing sunglasses. Double oy. Love that you’re in a bikini (hot!) but unfortunately the thumbnail doesn’t show the full photo. When you choose your main profile photo you have to take into consideration the “zoom factor” because the entire photo doesn’t show up. This means I need a reason to click on your profile to see the photo in all its glory. This photo is a great supplemental photo as it shows your body and your outdoorsy-ness, but you need more of a headshot for the main photo. Your second photo, with your son, is super cute and is a keeper, you just need at least 2 more, if not 4, photos.

IN MY OWN WORDS
Every single one of your answers is short. Too short. And you don’t use capitalization or punctuation. Not good. The lack of effort is apparent. What you say is nice, it just all needs to be expanded upon. I do appreciate that you don’t mention your divorce because I strongly advise divorcees to wait as long as possible before discussing what caused the demise of their marriage. I would however mention your son somewhere even if it’s just to say that you love being a Mom, but want a partner to enjoy the adult things in life.

MY DETAILS
I find it interesting that you didn’t answer all of the DETAILS but you completed the MY IDEAL MATCH thoroughly. You obviously know what you want but you need to give up some of your personal information too. It’s not just putting the time and energy into completing your profile but it also seems that you have a wall up. The information JDate asks is not too imposing, it’s information you would exchange on a first date and just as you want a specific man, he wants to know what you do for a living and what kind of custody you have of your son. Additionally, I find your age range to be too narrow. As a 39-year-old who is active and likes to have fun, you should expand your age range to include men as young as 35 and as “old” as 47. Otherwise, I think your criteria is good.

You are very close to having a great profile just put some effort into completing it. Good Luck!