Extreme Profile Makeover — “Lenore”

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

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Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers. Today she’s tweaking the profile for “Lenore.”

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Hi Tamar,

I’m on my second go-around on JDate and the responses from men have been underwhelming. My friends seem to have many more dates. I think I’m attractive and accomplished, so I’m thinking I need a profile makeover?

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Hi Lenore,

After a quick glance there are a few things I’d change in your profile to get the response you’re looking for.

PROFILE NAME
Although your profile name is unique, and I know it describes what you do for a living, I don’t think it’s the best fit for your JDate profile. You actually have some great lines throughout your profile which I would recommend using, such as: needQBfor2ndhalf or NoSuchThingAsPerfect.

PHOTOS
I like your current main photo but I strongly suggest deleting the 2nd photo. Not only is it now about a year old but since it’s a picture of a picture it is warped. Pictures less than a year old can be dated just as pictures 18 months old can still be relevant. In your case, you look like you’ve lost weight and your hair is totally different, so I’d delete the 2nd photo as you don’t look like that anymore. The 3rd and 4th are cute and fun, but now you’re lacking a supplementary photo, so get to clicking and take some pics with you smiling! Since your main photo is a posed business style headshot, try to have the new photos (2 more would be good) be more candid and relaxed.

IN MY OWN WORDS
You answer everything, which is great, but you do repeat yourself a lot. You know the phrase, “pretty girls don’t have to say they’re pretty?” or “rich people don’t say they’re rich?” well, people with lots of great friends don’t have to state it every chance they get because then it begins to read as inauthentic. You talk about how many good friends you have in About Me, so go ahead and delete the other mentions from your other answers. Also, delete the last 2 lines of About Me. The first seems incomplete and the second is unnecessary. Otherwise I like the rest of your answers, maybe reread them and try to edit them to be a bit more casual and less formal (ie. use “don’t” instead of “do not”) and make sure sentences flow well.

DETAILS
There’s nothing about your details I would change. I don’t think the issue is in your preferences or your paragraphs, I really think that your profile name and photos weren’t doing you justice and that by deleting and adding according to my instructions above you will find more success.


Extreme Profile Makeover — “Orit”

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

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Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers. Today she’s tweaking the profile for “Orit.”

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Dear Tamar,

Many men view my profile, but so few write an email. Is this typical, or would it suggest that my profile needs to be revised? From my experience, writing first is no solution! Thank you.

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Hi Orit,

I’d start with revising your profile before assuming the lack of emails are typical.

PROFILE NAME
Your profile name starts out great… until I got to the jumble of letters and numbers following what otherwise is a cute phrase. I do however like that you reference said phrase in your first paragraph of In My Own Words. If you craft a different combo of letters and numbers which are meaningful (your initials and birth year perhaps) then that would be better than letting JDate assign some random code.

PHOTOS
I suggest taking a new main profile photo and using the other 3 as the supplemental photos. You look best when your hair is a bit more disheveled like in photo 3 and not so heavy on your forehead like in photo 1. Also, the fuzzy sweater in photo 1 is a bit overwhelming so I recommend not wearing it in the new profile photo or on any first dates.

IN MY OWN WORDS
I don’t have a problem with the brevity of your responses but there are other issues which could easily be turning men off. You reference moving to Israel next year — why would a man want to get involved with you when you have one foot out the door? You’re missing letters and punctuation in places which create confusing run-on sentences. For instance, under About Me, it should say “I also think outside the box” and under My Perfect First Date, it should say “Wanting a second date = a perfect first date” and under You Should Message Me If, it should say: “You want to.” with a period before taking on the final part. I would also add where your kid lives and if you have any grandchildren. Also, you seem very active and smart and should expand upon what you do in your free time and what you earned your PhD for.

DETAILS
This is where you are probably turning off the most men, because you’ve barely answered any of these questions. Even if you select every option, you should respond to more of these questions which detail who you are and what you are looking for. You don’t need to answer them all, but right now 75% are blank. Complete your profile to up the ante.


Extreme Profile Makeover — “Jason V.”

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

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Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers. Today she’s tweaking the profile for “Jason V.”

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Dear Tamar,

I don’t know why I keep getting put off on getting dates. Phone calls get put off as well. I have a conversation on the phone and I get the shaft. I am a sweet guy turning sour. Help!

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Hi Jason V.,

Perhaps your lack of response has to do with the type of woman you’re attracting with your profile. Here are some tips for making sure you’re drawing in the right kind of woman.

PROFILE NAME
I think your profile name is cute even though I’m not a huge fan of astrology (see “What’s Your Sign“). It shows that you’re not a typical guy and of course tacking on the acronym of the state you live in is also a great way to make your profile name personalized and unique.

PHOTOS
I’m not a fan of your photos although I applaud you for obviously making an effort to get new pics taken. Because the first 4 photos are all taken in the same place with the same outfit, it is more of a distraction than anything else. Photos 2 and 4 are basically the same photo just a frame off. Delete photos 3 and 4 and make photo 6 your main profile pic. Then take another 2 photos closer up of your face — in different outfits — and add them to the que.

IN MY OWN WORDS
I understand that you speak multiple languages and that English may not be your first language, therefore it is important to have a native English speaker review your paragraphs as there are many typos. You may even be able to spot them yourself now that it’s been a while since you’ve written them. From punctuation to lack of spaces, there are typos which are distracting. You answered the important questions and although many of your answers are short, they are meaningful. After making the necessary corrections you should be pretty good to go. The only answer I would expand upon is “My Life and Ambitions” because this is not the place where you simply say you want a great woman but what else you want for yourself. This is also the place where you talk about your kids (especially since they don’t live with you, you need to explain why) and how long you’ve been divorced and where you want your career to go. Again, double check you’re using words correctly (ie. “Amorous” is not used properly), since you’re not attracting the right women who respond to your date inquiries.

DETAILS
Delete your income and the word “some” under “What I Do” but otherwise your details and what you’re looking for is complete and varied.

Since you have troubles with phone calls, I think you should address that English is not your first language as a woman may not necessarily be able to tell from reading your profile and may get put off by your accent. Some women love accents, but all women want to know you have one ahead of time just as they would want to know your age, height and if you have kids. Address it in your profile so it’s not a surprise on the phone.


Who’s Viewed You?

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Every single one of you is guilty, admit it. As soon as you log in to your JDate account the first thing you do is click on the “Who’s Viewed You?” link and see who has checked out your profile since the last time you logged in. Sometimes you’re excited because the prospect has viewed you again and there’s mutual interest, sometimes you’re excited to see some new faces and other times you get supremely bummed because neither of the above happened.

Then of course you go to the “Recently Viewed” link to see if the prospects you viewed have logged in since then and if they have, why didn’t they view you back? And if they haven’t logged in yet then at least there’s still a morsel of hope!

This is why it’s imperative that you keep your profile set to viewable because if you’ve hidden your profile — even if you email prospects — then you are exponentially lowering your odds at meeting someone. So unless you’re in the midst of doing a profile makeover or are dating someone and waiting to see how serious it gets then there’s no reason to hide your profile.


Extreme Profile Makeover — “Jason W.”

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

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Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers. Today she’s tweaking the profile for “Jason W.”

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Hi Jason W.,

You’ve got a great profile and I think a few tweaks will be all you need to help you attract the higher quality woman you are looking for.

PROFILE NAME
Having a profile name composed of your birth year and initials is fine, it’s not massively attention-grabbing but it’s you and it’s unique. No need to change it unless you get some awesome idea which hasn’t been used yet.

PHOTOS
You’re cute, I’m not going to lie. The first photo grabs the attention which your profile name lacks. The next 3 are cool because it shows you living life, traveling and having fun. I would add another one or two photos showing you closer up because the last 3 are pictures taken from further away or you’re wearing sunglasses. It’s great to use a photo showing the scenery of where you’ve traveled, but then you need to balance it out with an up close and personal pic.

IN MY OWN WORDS
I appreciate that you’ve answered the questions thoroughly and honestly. Fix a couple of your capitalization typos to perfect your shpiels. My only concern would be this: you are tall, in your early 30s and good looking and with what looks like a really good head on your shoulders. So what’s the problem? Girls may think you are either too perfect or a fraud. Mention something about your midwestern roots and humble upbringing. Add a witty, slightly self-deprecating one-liner. And finally, your life appears pretty complete on paper, so talk about your desire for a partner. Your answers to I’M LOOKING FOR and MY IDEAL RELATIONSHIP seem to ask a lot of intangibles from a woman and may put a lot of pressure on the ladies you go out with. It’s important to have some level of expectation but perfection is not one of them. At the end of the day you want a real person laying next to you in bed, not a resume.

DETAILS
I would delete your annual income. I know you are an entrepreneur and you are proud to be successful, but because you seem so perfect already then stating your income is overboard. It’s just too much. Otherwise I like all the other answers until MY IDEAL MATCH. As a man in his early thirties you should be interested in much more than a Long Term Relationship so select Marriage and Children as well. Then expand your Age Range because it makes no sense that it stops at a few years younger than your age. Your maximum should be at least your own age if not a year or two higher when you’re 33. It’s important that you answer if you would date a woman with children and if you want a woman who wants children. Finally, you have selected every option under Religion and Education and I know that a man who loves pork and shellfish and has a Master’s Degree wouldn’t date a woman who only graduated high school and is Orthodox.

Being perfect is not what women are looking for, so make sure you’re being real and you will attract a real woman too. Good Luck!


Extreme Profile Makeover — “Carly”

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

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Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers. Today she’s tweaking the profile for “Carly.”

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Hi Carly,

I’m surprised your profile is so popular what with the lack of photos and completed profile, alas,  you haven’t found anyone you like yet so I think a little profile makeover is just what you need.

PROFILE NAME
I like that your personality is in your profile name — I like 2 have fun 2! — but since the arrangement of the letters and numbers was already taken the name loses some of the originality and excitement with the added jumble of letters and numbers at the end. If you can change up the name a bit to make it unique then it would be better.

PHOTOS
Two photos. Oy. Not a fan. And the first one has you wearing sunglasses. Double oy. Love that you’re in a bikini (hot!) but unfortunately the thumbnail doesn’t show the full photo. When you choose your main profile photo you have to take into consideration the “zoom factor” because the entire photo doesn’t show up. This means I need a reason to click on your profile to see the photo in all its glory. This photo is a great supplemental photo as it shows your body and your outdoorsy-ness, but you need more of a headshot for the main photo. Your second photo, with your son, is super cute and is a keeper, you just need at least 2 more, if not 4, photos.

IN MY OWN WORDS
Every single one of your answers is short. Too short. And you don’t use capitalization or punctuation. Not good. The lack of effort is apparent. What you say is nice, it just all needs to be expanded upon. I do appreciate that you don’t mention your divorce because I strongly advise divorcees to wait as long as possible before discussing what caused the demise of their marriage. I would however mention your son somewhere even if it’s just to say that you love being a Mom, but want a partner to enjoy the adult things in life.

MY DETAILS
I find it interesting that you didn’t answer all of the DETAILS but you completed the MY IDEAL MATCH thoroughly. You obviously know what you want but you need to give up some of your personal information too. It’s not just putting the time and energy into completing your profile but it also seems that you have a wall up. The information JDate asks is not too imposing, it’s information you would exchange on a first date and just as you want a specific man, he wants to know what you do for a living and what kind of custody you have of your son. Additionally, I find your age range to be too narrow. As a 39-year-old who is active and likes to have fun, you should expand your age range to include men as young as 35 and as “old” as 47. Otherwise, I think your criteria is good.

You are very close to having a great profile just put some effort into completing it. Good Luck!


Extreme Profile Makeover — “Stacy”

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

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Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers. Today she’s tweaking the profile for “Stacy.”

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Hi Stacy,

PROFILE NAME
Your profile name is super cute! Love that you incorporated the city you come from as well as the city you live in. Using your hometown or current city along with your name or another descriptive word about you is a great way to create a unique profile name. And I also like how you provided some detail in your ABOUT ME describing how your character was formed from both your hometown and your current city.

PHOTOS
I’m totally loving your profile photo — you look like Amanda Seyfried and that’s hot! — and I appreciate you providing 7 photos. You look different, older perhaps, in photo 2 at the castle and in photo 7 in the classic car. I like both photos, but I would delete them for a few reasons: for starters, you look different and it’s not consistent; they are from the same event so your hair and clothes are the same; and it’s obvious you are in a wedding which can sometimes freak a guy out because he thinks you have weddings on the brain (save these pictures for when you’re getting serious with a guy and you want to show him pics of your family’s simchas. You also look different in the pic where you’re going to a Yankees game — do you have bangs now or not? If you don’t have bangs, then delete this pic. If you do have bangs then you need to update the other 4 photos to reflect that.

IN MY OWN WORDS
I like what you’ve said so far in ABOUT ME but it’s too short of a shpiel. Also, I’d delete the request for photos because it makes you seem like all you care about is what a guy looks like when I’m sure (I hope) that’s not the case — rather, just reply to a guy’s email by asking for his photo. After removing that line, you only have what basically accounts to one line left and therefore you need to talk a bit more about yourself. Who comprises your family? Why did your family move back and forth between your hometown and your current city? Where did you go to school and what do you do now? Give people some more tidbits of information to entice them to want to contact you. MY LIFE AND AMBITIONS is written well, but along with the lack of information in MY DETAILS, it leaves one wondering what exactly you do for a living which you’re so passionate about. The rest of your answers are solid, although I would perhaps answer a few more questions but with the changes I suggested above you will have a solid profile.

MY DETAILS
So much here is blank that guys will think you are trying to hide something. Some of the answers are easy enough: are you willing to relocate? Do you keep kosher? Do you drink? Do you smoke? Do you have a pet? How active are you? Where’d you grow up? What ethnicity are you? What languages do you speak? What do you do for a living? And everything under “MY IDEAL MATCH.”

From your photos you will receive a large quantity of messages but without all this information, they probably won’t be of high quality. Complete your profile and you will see a change. Those guys who don’t have profile photos won’t have to be asked for a photo because they will either have a completed profile or they will automatically provide them to you in effort to impress you.


Extreme Profile Makeover — “Lindsay”

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

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Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers. Today she’s tweaking the profile for “Lindsay.”

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Hi Lindsay,

Thanks for writing in. I think you’ve got a really good basis for your profile thus far!

PROFILE NAME
Your profile name is great: I assume the play on your name is your nickname joined with your middle or last name. I think that’s a cute and unique profile name and at least gives your name without divulging too much personal information. It’s never a good idea, for safety’s sake, to use your entire first and last name.

PHOTOS
Your photos are nice and show consistency. You have your close-ups and your full lengths. I suggest adding a description under the 2 with other people in it, it’s obvious one is your grandmother or someone else special to you but the last one, although really hot, has 2 dark-haired beauties in it and you should be very clear that you are on the left with your friend so-and-so. And since you talk about your passion for traveling a lot, I suggest adding one more photo of you (I think 6 photos is a good amount to prove what you look like and that it’s you and not a scammer) with the background of a beautiful city!

IN MY OWN WORDS
ABOUT ME is well written, but long. The sentences you mention in other areas (family and background under A BRIEF HISTORY OF MY LIFE, some of your passions under MY FAVORITES) can be deleted from here in order to reduce the length and minimize repetition. I would delete the first few sentences and start with the paragraph that says “I’m a kind person” and then jump back to “I studied abroad in Spain”. Delete the part about your careers since you mention it again under MY LIFE & AMBITIONS. I love how you ended this section as it shows a sense of humor and welcomes responses, so just update the word count. The rest of the sections are well written but need to be updated to reflect the recent changes I suggested above (in BRIEF HISTORY delete the part saying “I mentioned earlier” and you can add your college and siblings back in there).

MY DETAILS
Everything you selected and filled out in this category looks good. My only change would be to lower the minimum age range to at least 30. You are 32 so a mature 30-year-old shouldn’t be out of the question. Otherwise, having your maximum age range as 10 years above is perfect as is!

I think you’re very much on the right path and judging by the number of “likes” for each of your sections I think the men agree! Good luck!


Extreme Profile Makeover — “Emily”

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

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Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers. Today she’s tweaking the profile for “Emily.”

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Dear Tamar,

I’ve called JDate customer service and solicited the advice of some girlfriends, but so far nothing has helped.

I’m a fairly attractive and very smart/fun girl… in real life I get approached by a good number of smart and pretty good-looking guys. Online, however, very few guys message me (and almost none reply to my messages). Plus, all of the ones who do contact me are, frankly, poorly educated, inarticulate, and unattractive.

I don’t mean to be dismissive of these people but I just have the feeling that something is terribly wrong with my profile and is turning the ‘good’ guys off.

I suspect that my profile is too long (and I read that this can indicate desperation), but I put in all those details so that I could attract a like-minded guy. I’m afraid that a shorter and more generic profile will attract people I have nothing in common with.

Can you help me to figure out what’s wrong with my approach?

Thanks in advance.

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Hi Emily,

Thanks for writing in and letting me know that you updated your profile already. I agree, your previous one was far too long and this one is much better. Let’s start from the beginning though…

PROFILE NAME
Your profile name isn’t your name although it is a name, so that right there can be confusing. I’m a huge fan of Lucille Ball, so if you’re trying to reference her then at least incorporate a more obvious connection. If it’s some other reference then I’m personally not catching and maybe you want someone who does understand it but then you might end up losing people who aren’t in on the joke even though they don’t know that there’s a joke to get. I wouldn’t judge potentials on whether they do or don’t get your profile name. Of course, it would be very impressive and earn major points if a prospect mentioned the inside joke in his initial email to you but that is just one little connection. I would prefer you had a profile name which described you better.

PHOTOS
You have lots of great photos! Maybe too many though. I love your main photo and the second one with the red background, I also love the fourth one in the white dress and the eighth one in the green dress. The 11th one showing your side profile is super cute too. The others are not preferable to me for a few reasons — I don’t love the idea of alcohol in photos so that eliminates the 6th and 7th photos. The 12th one is just too small (low-resolution) of a photo that it’s a toss away. There are 2 others which have the ame background of the cool and colorful wall but you have enough photos that you don’t need to repeat. I do like the Halloween pic as it shows your fun personality but the third picture, the one in the black lace dress is just okay to me. I think you can do better with a full body pic (in a sexy dress like that one) with your great smile to match. I don’t think the full 12 pics is necessary. Your look is consistent in all 12, so if you just offered 6-8 that would be sufficient.

IN MY OWN WORDS
You’ve written some really eloquent paragraphs so I’m going to be pretty nit-picky with you. Under ABOUT ME, get rid of the word “boyfriend” and just keep that sentence to “friends.” In the last paragraph I would also remove the following: the part about books and about movies. I love a great book and indie flick too but you mention it a number of times throughout the entire profile (and of course it’s asked further down under MY FAVORITES) so this would be a good place to delete and shorten the response, including the last cutesy exclamation. Instead put something like “If you like any or all of these things too then maybe we’ll have more fun doing them together!” With MY LIFE AND AMBITIONS saying that you want to find someone you “really love” is, for lack of a better word, weird. Of course you should really love the man you marry! That’s a given. Alas, I get what you mean. Instead say “I hope my husband and I are passionately in love for the next 60 years” and then add in the rest of the sentence. I love your answer to MY PERFECT FIRST DATE and I think the remainder of your responses are all solid. You could shorten and tweak I’M LOOKING FOR as it is, literally, a tall order. I too had a height requirement but you can narrow that down yourself, you don’t necessarily need to say it in your profile as that may give a guy the wrong impression about your priorities when I know you truly prefer someone who is intellectual and cultural above everything else.

MY DETAILS
Your details all look pretty solid and reasonable. I applaud you for selecting a minimum age range a few years below your age and a maximum age range 10 years above. This is the perfect range. You do seem like the type of person who would be fine meeting someone who ended up being an “activity partner” but that’s not what you’re on JDate looking for, so there’s no problem with eliminating activity partner, friend and a date from the list of what you’re looking for.

I think you’re well on your way and your most recent trend of great guys writing to you will continue. If you want me to review some of your initial emails or responses, feel free to email me some examples. Good luck!


Extreme Profile Makeover — “Robin”

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

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Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers. Today she’s tweaking the profile for “Robin.”

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Hi Tamar,

Could you please view my profile and critique it? I know I need a new username, but have not been satisfied with any yet. I do not want to be too cutesy. Should it be random or more personal?

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Hi Robin,

PROFILE NAME
I see that you added a new username but I’m confused that you used a name that’s neither your first nor last name (that I’m aware of). You’re a hot, smart mom so try and create a name which reflects that. Even if you do use your first name, adding a bunch of random numbers to the end is not gonna cut it. There’s the obvious “RockinRobin” or, if you want to use Lawren(ce?) then there’s plenty of alliteration with the letter L, including the work “love” which you can play with.

PHOTOS
Your photos are quite nice. They show your youthfulness, your fun side and your body shape. I don’t love the last photo of you pointing at a photo, it’s definitely the weakest photo in the bunch. And the one in the blue dress is stunning but you look older there than you do in all the other photos. You don’t need to delete, but I would move it to the end and then add another photo or two.

IN MY OWN WORDS
I always tell people not to write things in their paragraphs which will have to be updated. Like “Daniel” who wrote about his newborn nephew — well, that little baby is going to be a toddler soon enough and Daniel will have to update his profile, rather he should have put just “my new nephew.” Or “Michael” who talks about being in the real estate industry 10 years — next year will be 11 years and so on, rather he should say he’s been in real estate “since 2003″ or “since graduating college in 2003″ and so on. What I’m getting to is that for your daughters, you should just say “teenage daughters” or “young daughters” or something to that effect. Same goes for referencing anything pop culture, such as this year’s Oscar contenders. It’s okay to say that, simply reword it to say “all of 2012′s Oscar contenders.” Of course, I hope JDate helps you find your Beshert before next year’s Oscars, but just in case not…

You list your activities which are all sporty but then make a comment about “believe it or not” referencing your love of sports. If you were being witty, I unfortunately didn’t get it. If you were being serious, then why wouldn’t a person believe it when you have so many active hobbies?

DETAILS
I think you answered all of the questions in this category pretty well aside from your IDEAL MATCH’s education. As someone with a law degree, I’m sure you prefer a man who has some higher level of education. Also, I would possibly venture a year or two older in your maximum age range. I know you are very youthful and active, but so are many 70-year-olds. Also, answer “What I Do” under BACKGROUND as many people have law degrees and work in the legal field but without specifying it appears that you’re being purposefully vague.

You have a solid profile and I think you’re on your way. Your age will throw people off since you both look youthful and have teenage daughters, so I’m glad you selected a younger than expected age range minimum. I’m also glad you’re a good writer whose profile seems to reflect your personality well as an upbeat lady!