So much response to “Stalker Tendencies: 5 Things NOT to do with a New Love Interest”   made me realize that people don’t think this type of behavior exists. Unfortunately, it does. Sometimes with scary repercussions, other times it’s just benign. But ALL of the items I listed happened. One comment mentioned a boyfriend who actually got a job at the Post Office to find her new address. That is extreme. Kind of like the sneaking-into-his-apartment-and-redecorating stint I mentioned. But Facebook stalking has become the norm. A weird norm, but it happens the vast majority of the time. It’s not just psychos doing it either, nearly everyone I know Google’s their date’s name and search him or her on Facebook. One comment said she found out her significant other was dating another woman — she could have dumped him but instead managed to get him to dump the other woman. Regardless of the outcome, her Facebook-ing allowed her to see the truth. Of course, most people aren’t so dumb as to post pictures of themselves doing something they aren’t supposed to and if it’s out there for the world to see then it’s not necessarily “stalking.” But even if you just know the names of their friends, the last few places they visited and their dog’s name all before a 1st date, then you are officially a stalker. Embrace it, it’s a part of our lives now with the influx of technology. Just don’t take it too far because if you get caught  it could ruin what would have otherwise been a very good thing.

Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez’s on again/off again/on again/off again relationship has the celebrity gossip mills buzzing. Post break-up Bieber was seen with a Victoria’s Secret model, then he picked up Gomez from the airport, the two reportedly spent the weekend together and paparazzi caught them leaving a restaurant after 10 minutes where his car was seen leaving her house, returning to her house, and leaving her house again. Due to Twitter and TMZ, we have a play-by-play of their every move as these two young people are trying to figure out their relationship troubles. Sucks for them. Luckily, you are not Bieber or Gomez. And you do not need your love life played out for the world to see.

That means not posting or Tweeting your every fleeting thought, post-date synopses, feelings on being single/dating/desperate/breaking up/making up and so on. There is no need to broadcast your every meal, movement, sleeping pattern, or outfit. Don’t air your dirty laundry in public and save the drama for your mama. Literally, ask your mom for relationship advice before posting your equivalent of the Bieber and Gomez drama on your Facebook page.

And here’s why (if you actually need rationalization): say you’re in a relationship, you break up and post all about it on Facebook. Then you decide to get back together, but now everyone knows your business and you’re going to have to answer lots of questions, including people doubting if you should reconcile. It’s none of their business, right? So don’t make it theirs.

Sometimes when you meet a new prospect on JDate you feel compelled to do a little digging and put on your Private Investigator cap. My immediate reaction is to tell you NOT to Google! But I’ve recently heard some horror stories that have made me change my mind. You shouldn’t research someone to the point where you know more than they would have shared on the first date, because if you already know the answer why would you ask the question? It’s normal to ask someone if they were ever married but it’s not normal to already know they were married at 21 years old for 6 months. Conversely, if someone tells you they are divorced and your relationship is getting a bit serious, it is not abnormal to check the county’s website for confirmation that their divorce is indeed official. Not knowing someone’s name on JDate is kind of nice because you can’t look them up on Facebook. It’s kind of like forgetting your cell phone at home because you feel kind of free – it’s all out of your hands and you have no control and you just need to see where you end up. It’s okay to maybe get an approval from a mutual friend, but try not to ask for too much information. With JDate, you have been delivered so much information via the profile questions that you are already lacking in the mystery department and a first date ends up really being more like a second date. Don’t dampen the excitement by finding out too much!

Birthdays were just the best up to the year 2003. Then Facebook got invented. Birthdays then became something else. Something dark. Each year gets progressively worse. On my first Facebook birthday, I got maybe ten posts, or whatever ‘posts’ were back in like 2004, wishing me a ‘Happy Birthday’. People that I didn’t even realize existed, much less liked me, were suddenly very much invested in the campaign for me to have a great day.

Each year, as Facebook grew, and Facebook birthday notification systems became increasingly more self-aware, I would get more posts. However, all good things must end, and eventually I plateaued at about fifty. I initially thought that this was a lot, until I started noticing other people’s posts during their birthdays. I would have been perfectly okay with other people receiving more posts. However, people receiving more posts than me were terrible. Childhood bullies, people who unironically wear visors, ex-girlfriends, etc. Maybe people post on these assholes’ walls because they’re scared they’ll get murdered if they don’t. Either way, this made my birthday somewhat of a bummer. Also, I never post on other people’s walls on their birthdays, which not only makes me undeserving of any birthday praise, but also a hypocritical ass like my other friends who get so much more birthday love.

Now, I realize that birthday notifications don’t mean anything. Sure, a few good friends will post on your wall, and that’s great. However, the majority of your birthday posts are from people you haven’t seen in twenty years who write the same thing on every one of their friends’ walls during every one of their birthdays. I realize that writing this post is going to cost me like 30 Facebook birthday notifications next year. I also realize that it won’t at all because nobody reads this, and if people do, it’s damn sure not people I haven’t seen for the vast majority of my life. To all of my Facebook friends who have a birthday on October 2, Happy Birthday!

It’s official. I’m hitting that age when everyone I know on Facebook is moving in with their significant other, getting engaged, married, procreating. It’s all right on time I suppose, considering I’ve finally hit the mid-20s checkpoint. I realize that I’m young and I’m meant to be in the mix of it all at this stage in my life. Still, I think I’m experiencing a minor case of FOMO. Don’t get me wrong. I am extremely happy to see these good things happen to my friends. But at the same time, it’s causing a total shift in how I look at dating and my future. Their life events are the real thing: the beginning of their future. The beginning of life beyond the 20s. Nothing quite that big is happening to me right now. In fact, it’s safe to say that the highlight of my week was when my TiVo recorded a couple of Gilmore Girls episodes because it thought I might like it…and I did.

I’m not yet at the point where I’m bitter. I’m a little too young and naive for that. The problem is that the more I look at what is going on in other people’s lives, the more I start judging my own. I fixate on what others have that I don’t. I try to justify why I’m still single and they are not. I look inward to see if I can make sense of everything, as if I can really change things that I know will naturally happen. I have little to zero control over it. It will all happen eventually… or at least that is what I keep telling myself. But until that day comes, I’m going to really try and not let it drive me nuts. Instead I will see that I get my butt out of my apartment and out into the full-speed world of NYC and live my own life instead of sitting on my laptop looking at the lives of others. That should solve everything, or at least just keep myself from standing too still. And if not, there is at least some comfort in knowing who I come home to each and every night. My new boyfriend TiVo, and maybe an episode or two of Gilmore Girls.

There is a drawback to losing weight that is even worse than all of the positive attention, lack of heartburn, general overall wellness, self-control, ability to consistently sleep, a reason to wake up in the morning, an increase in energy, and a less-sensitive Pavlovian response telling my body to throw blunt objects at mirrors.

Losing weight also comes with the very real possibility that you will acquire crazy eyes. In photos, while large people may not like the way they look as much, they generally seem level-headed, and their eyes are often nice and human-like. Before I lost the weight, and after Facebook was invented, I noticed a trend among photographs of my friends. My larger friends all seemed relatively normal, while a lot of my thin friends looked absolutely crazy. I think I need to clarify that thin people do not have crazy eyes in real life. They only look crazy in pictures. This, of course, is not applicable to all people. But try to stay attuned to this when looking at pictures of people.

Actually, the prevalence of crazy eyes in photos of thin people seems to be higher in thin people that have lost a lot of weight. I can think of several examples of this off the top of my head, myself included. When I look at pictures of myself now, I think  ‘Wow, I look great. I’ve really come a long way.’ and then my eyes move up to my face and I think, ‘Gahhh what the hell is wrong with me? Good lord, give me some food.’ I bet at least five people that have never met me, but seen photos of me on Facebook or something think that I sleep in my bathroom and own 25 cats that are all named ‘Lucille’, without realizing that only half of that is true.

I’ve become what I hate the most. I hate crazy eyes. Once I realize that a friend has crazy eyes, it makes it very difficult to maintain the friendship. Maybe that’s why I have no friends. I hope I haven’t ruined your life with this theory of mine, but I haven’t, because you’re probably not reading this.

He poked me on Facebook. Twice. Was one poke just not enough? We had only gone on one date, and it was just a cup of coffee in Gramercy on a Saturday afternoon. And immediately after he texted me that he had a good time. That’s it. And then a week later, when I had not texted back, he thinks about all the ways he could get in touch with me – phone, email, text, singing telegram, fax – and decides after much consideration I imagine, nope let’s go with a poke. That’ll get her heart. So when I didn’t answer him back, hoping he’d get the point, this guy throws the Hail Mary of Facebook communication and pokes me again.

Now that we were two pokes in, I knew I had to officially let him down. This might come as a surprise, but up until this moment I’ve only had the experience of telling guys I’m not interested after very ordinary interactions. None of my mother’s lessons in etiquette even remotely prepared me for post-JDate Facebook poking. I never even dreamed Facebook poking would be something I’d have to deal with. So I was completely on my own when I sat down to write him back and convey that I wasn’t interested and while I know he meant well, Facebook poking after a date is just wrong. So, so wrong.

Hi D—,

I really was hoping I didn’t have to write this message. I think you’re a great guy, however, I don’t think we clicked when we met for coffee. I don’t know how to say what I am about to tell you without sounding harsh. I’ve thought of a ZILLION ways to say this nicely, and this is the best I can come up with: Poking someone on Facebook, especially after an interaction like ours, doesn’t come off charming. It was really awkward – both times – and I didn’t know how to react. I’m only saying this because I think other girls might have the same reaction as I did. A message is much nicer and more upfront than a poke (I’m sorry if that sounded as mean as I think it does. I just really wanted to let you know for the future).

Take care,
Kelly

I thought about this recently when I told a guy I wasn’t interested in him after 3 dates. I was shocked when he asked me where he went wrong. He said I could think of it as a favor, as he wanted to learn from this experience. I gave him a little feedback, and I think he genuinely appreciated my honesty. You know, maybe it wasn’t my place to tell the Facebook poker that poking is creepy, but part of me wanted to save him. What if no girl ever had the chutzpah to break it to him that poking is socially unacceptable? Would he still be Facebook poking girls innocently thinking that he was flirting? I really believe that all of the guys I’ve gone out with – well, at least for the most of them – deserve a fair shot. And besides, if you can’t learn from your dating mistakes after a JDate, when can you?

1. Zuckerberg Updates His Status

Mark Zuckerberg tied the knot in a surprise wedding ceremony last weekend to his college sweetheart, Priscilla Chan. The 28-year-old, who was raised Jewish, pulled off the surprise nuptials by inviting 100 guests to what they were told was a surprise party for Chan, who recently graduated from medical school.

The wedding announcement was in classic Facebook style as Zuckerberg simply updated his profile to: “Married to Priscilla Chan.” The news had almost 850,000 “likes” by Sunday evening.

2. Mila Kunis Makes Maxim’s Hot 100

Mila Kunis is hot – really hot! The actress came in at number three in Maxim’s Hot 100 list this year, and it’s not hard to see why. The 29-year-old Jewish star was the only Jew to make the top 10. Here’s Maxim’s reason for putting Kunis in the top three:

“Ever since she locked lips with Natalie Portman in Black Swan, our appreciation for this brunette stunner has transformed into a near obsession. Not the kind where we lurk outside her house with binoculars, but the kind where we wake up every morning thrilled that it’s one day closer to the premiere of her new comedy, Ted (it’s almost here!).”

 3. Stern Acts Stern

Howard Stern got tough on a seven-year-old rapper who appeared on America’s Got Talent this week. The tiny MC named Mir Money was moved to tears when Stern (who is now a judge on the show) hit his X button, signaling the kid’s shot at fame was over.

“No one likes hitting the X on a seven-year-old. You’re very brave to get up there at seven years old,” the Jewish radio host said, as Money started to cry.

The crowd disapproved of Stern’s decision and erupted with booing. While host Nick Cannon carried Money off the stage, Stern spoke directly to the cameras saying, “I’m not cut out for this man. I’m not cut out for it. I’m shaking man. I’m shaking.”

Whenever you don’t hear back from someone you went out with, there’s always some sort of desire to contact this person again. Whether it’s because you like her, or because you just don’t want to feel rejected, you really want to write her back. However, you are not allowing for the delicate balance of sender/sendee. For every text or call you receive, you are allowed only one equal and opposite text or call back. Don’t upset the balance. Don’t tip the equilibrium. Once you send a text out of turn, especially if it’s a casual text conversation (only one message a day), it’s over.

Persistence is good sometimes. Like when you’re fighting a lion, or trying to stay off drugs. It is almost never good, though, when pursuing a girl that doesn’t like you. It just makes you seem annoying and desperate. I am often a victim of persistence, and have come up with a few tools that help me curtail it most of the time. First, if someone doesn’t return my texts, I often remove their number from my phone. This way, even when I’ve been drinking, I will not be sending this pleasant, though selective, woman a text message. Though this won’t necessarily help me expand my love life, it certainly may help me look less needy. Another good tool that goes along this same line of thinking is unfriending on Facebook®. Though this seems a little more cruel, it is no more cruel than the eventual realization that this person really doesn’t want to talk to you anymore. Unfriending someone is also somewhat liberating. Even if there’s nobody that doesn’t necessarily dislike you, I’m sure there are people on Facebook whom you dislike.

I literally hate at least half of my Facebook friends. This doesn’t even include the ones that constantly update with pictures of abused pets, food, Ron Paul updates, or baby pictures. Unfriend at least one Facebook friend a year. It is kind of like a small weight you need lifted off every once in a while. Either do that or unfriend a person in real life. That may get messy, though.

This Week’s Top Three Tweet-Worthy Events From Jews Who Make News

1. Zuckerberg Takes Facebook Public

Traders can expect to see the ticker symbol “FB” on a major stock exchange soon.

Facebook, Inc. filed paperwork to go public last Wednesday. Mark Zuckerberg, who was raised Jewish, founded Facebook in 2004. Since then, the company has grown tremendously, earning $1 billion in profits last year alone.

CNN reports that Zuckerberg will now officially become a billionaire on paper. On Wednesday, CNN’s Breaking News account Tweeted, “Facebook says stock worth $29.73 a share; Zuckerberg holds 534 million shares worth $16 billion.”

2. SJP Fills In For Demi Moore In An Emergency

Sarah Jessica Parker is taking over Demi Moore’s role as Gloria Steinem in the forthcoming Linda Lovelace biopic. Parker accepted the part just three days before she was asked to start filming. The actress, whose father is Jewish, is filling in for Demi Moore who dropped out of the film after being hospitalized last week.

US Weekly is already Tweeting new pics of SJP in a long blond wig for the Steinem role. On Thursday, the magazine Tweeted, “First pic of Sarah Jessica Parker as Gloria Steinem in Lovelace! http://bit.ly/z0qqht Is SJP a good replacement for Demi Moore?”

3. The Truth Behind “Online Sweetheart”

JDate’s newest Success Story has been getting plenty of attention on The Howard Stern Show. Elisa Jordana, the Jewish former keytartist for Cobra Starship, and Benjy Bronk, a Jewish comedian and writer on The Howard Stern Show, are not only a JDate Success Story, but are also behind the song, “Online Sweetheart.” The song, which can be viewed on YouTube, is an ode to the love Jordana and Bronk found on JDate.

Some HSS staffers and fans say Jordana and Bronk are exploiting their connection to the show and only wrote the song to further their careers and find greater fame. However, Jordana says their love is real and tells JMag she and Bronk only wrote the song to share a positive message about finding love.

Jordana Tweeted a grateful response to a fan who read the article on Thursday, “Thank u we appreciate that! RT @SkipStarcher: @bronk Okay I was a skeptic at 1st. I love ur Jdate interview. I DL’d the song on iTunes (2x).”