39 & Out of Time?

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Dear Tamar,

I am turning 39 next week and am feeling increasingly depressed about it.  It seems men only want to date women up to around age 32, judging by the profiles I have read.  One went so far as to confirm why: He wants kids.  Ugh.  I recently dated a guy who was several years younger than I, and he had serious concerns about my ability to have children, and I felt pressured about having a timeline.  These concerns were discussed at only 7 weeks into our relationship, which he admitted was off to a pretty great start with this little exception.  What am I supposed to do?  I’m a great person! I wasn’t expecting to be single at 39, but it happened.

Dear 39 & Out of Time,

I don’t think most women your age expect to still be single, but this generation is seeing people marrying older and older and starting their families in their 40s. Are you as open minded as you’re asking men to be? Meaning — are you open to dating and marrying an older man? If you’re dating men several years younger then make sure you’re also dating men several years olde; be an equal opportunity dater.

I don’t think 7 weeks in is so early to be discussing children. By 2 months in you should know if the relationship is moving forward or not. If the guy really liked you it wouldn’t have mattered about your ability to bear children. It’s well documented that it’s more difficult to get pregnant after 35 so any educated man is going to be curious as to your desire to have children — not that you have any control over your ability to do so. That said, if a man in his early 30’s is so concerned than why is he even bothering you to begin with?

Concentrate on meeting who you can online and then try going to some JDate events so you can meet people in person where you won’t get systematically eliminated based on your age before you even meet.