So you’re going on a first date. Mazal tov! There are definitely a couple of things you shouldn’t do and eating certain foods is one of them, either because it will cause bad breath or stain your teeth or cause indigestion/belching/flatulence.
*peppers of any kind
*blackened or pepper-crusted steak/fish/etc.
Being nervous and eating quickly can also cause you to burp so eat slowly and relax. And take opportunities to check your teeth in the mirror (or a knife or an app on your phone). If you do begin to feel a stomach rumble or your chest tightening then excuse yourself to the restroom quickly, pop a few tums or pepto, and when you return drink lots of water.
Any other foods you recommend avoiding on a first date?
So many women have said to me, “I didn’t sleep with him on the first date because I actually like him.” These women are concerned that if they had sex with their date then he wouldn’t respect them afterwards. Or he wouldn’t care for a 2nd date because hey, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?
So here’s my advice: don’t allow the date to get to the point where you are having to make the decision about sex. Don’t go back to his place (or yours) and that way you won’t be in an awkward position, literally. Sometimes couples have sex on the first date and end up getting married, but most of the time it doesn’t work out that way.
Ladies, listen: I’m not sure why you may be afraid to tell a man you don’t want to have sex. Is it because you think he isn’t going to call you again if you say no? Then you have your answer about what kind of man he is. If you’re afraid to say no then don’t put yourself in that position. If you’re afraid to say no then you probably don’t want to date this man anyways. If he’s pressuring you for sex then he most likely doesn’t see you as marriage material and he’s not going to call you, whether you sleep with him or not. So wouldn’t you rather keep your dignity?
“How about my place?” always only means one thing – wanna have sex? And if you don’t want to have sex, then don’t accept the offer to go upstairs. It’s a difficult question to answer because you want to spend more time with your date and yeah, you probably do want to make-out a bit, but if you say yes to going home together then you will only have to reject your date later when you’re rounding 1st (or 2nd) base and you suddenly feel uncomfortable.
But rejecting the offer for a nightcap, or even just “hanging out”, doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you. In fact, it probably means your date may just want to hook up and doesn’t see the relationship going anywhere. This isn’t always the case, there are exceptions to everything, but 9 times out of 10 it will only lead one place: sex.
If you want to have sex then great, but if you’re expecting a phone call the next day… don’t hold your breath. And if you reject the offer to go home with your date and are expecting a phone call the next day… don’t hold your breath. Bottom line, this is not the right person for you if you are looking for something serious. Better (and less awkward) to reject the offer to go home together then to have to wait and reject the offer for sex once your shirt is halfway off.
A gal likes to be in style, she likes to be on trend, hip, chic, and looking haute. But men are not turned on by ripped leggings, shoes with mini spiked studs, 2-toned skunk hair, blue nail polish, frosted pink lip gloss, or (the horror!) all of the above at the same time. Look sexy, look respectable, look young, but save the fun funky outfits for hitting the clubs. Or just pick one fad at a time. Guys are not impressed. They don’t care what labels you’re wearing. Alas, if you’re looking for a guy who does care and is impressed, then bravo! because you’ll quickly learn who is your type and who isn’t (you know, the materialistic superficial type).
This may not seem like an obvious topic, but there are words we all use that are not, well, so nice sounding. In fact, they can be misconstrued as being flirtatious when it’s not, or being raunchy when it’s not. For example, rather than saying “I like my meat rare” say “I prefer my steak cooked rare.” Hear the difference? The former sentence can be misinterpreted as a sexual advance when all you are trying to do is order food! Of course, some people make these inferences on purpose, but don’t make any assumptions as to what someone hears versus your intentions. Same thing with talking about “balls.”
Other words simply may conjure up unpleasing images. Talking about loving babies, because you truly love kids, may freak out a guy who is not ready to be a dad yet. Talking about feet, or toilets, or stains, or body odor are all no-no’s during the first few dates. Even if you’re telling a joke. Why would you want to mention something that gives most people the willie-nillies? Filter yourself.
Here’s an easy tip – don’t pop any pills while on a date. It doesn’t matter whether it’s vitamins, tylenol, or lactaid. It doesn’t matter if it’s tums, codeine or benadryl. Don’t pop pills. If you have a prescription or an allergy then go to the bathroom and swallow your pills in private. Taking medication at the dinner table during a date will give off the impression that you are high maintenance or are in poor health. Dairy allergy, indigestion, a headache, all it conveys is that you’re not perfect. Of course you’re not perfect… no one is… but when you’re on a first date (or in the midst of a brand new relationship) you want to put off the impression that you are. Men especially want to think of women as being healthy for child-bearing – they will never say this or admit it and they probably don’t even realize it, but it’s true. And you don’t want anyone to think that a nondescript pill could be an illicit drug.
Try to remember to take your birth control pill, daily vitamin, lactaid or other medication before a date and if you’re spending the night then excuse yourself to the restroom where you can take care of such necessities in private.
On the first few dates we are on our best behavior, but that doesn’t stop us from passing judgment on others when they share something we disagree with. So when a date mentions that he or she took 6+ years to graduate from college, or informs you that they are in their 30′s and have 3 roommates in a 2 bedroom apartment, or when he or she orders pork-wrapped shellfish, what do you do? Well, most people would grimace. Their eyelids would widen, their eyes would flit left and right, and their jaw would probably drop. Most people wouldn’t know how to respond. And if they did, their voice would most likely be dripping with contempt.
Brace yourself for the chance that you will more than likely hear or see something that stuns you. Try to keep your facial expressions to a minimum, control the tone of your voice and be non-judgmental in your response even if you are bursting at the seams on the inside. You don’t need to have another date with this person, but you also don’t need to make them feel bad about themselves.
While you’re prepping yourself mentally for dates, take it to the next level and try to actually stop passing judgment and not just pretend. The fact of the matter is that no one is perfect. While you may be disgusted by someone’s lifestyle choices, they may be just as turned off by yours. You’re both single and while you may not be right for each other, that doesn’t mean you’re any better than the other person.
First dates are a lot like job interviews, except the asking of the questions SHOULD go in both directions. Sometimes we’re so nervous and scared of the awkward silence that we fire off question after question. If you find yourself doing all the asking, make sure you’re giving your date enough time to ask you a question in return. And if you’re doing all the answering, than make sure you stop your date and let them know that you’d like to ask them questions and get to know them as well.
But what’s worse is when someone asks questions that sound like judgments instead. You know your date is looking for a specific answer and will judge you if you say the wrong thing. Such as: “It took you how long to graduate from college?” or “You eat shellfish/pork?” or “You like gangsta rap?” or the worst “Why are you still single?” these questions are worded in a way which sets you up for failure. Obviously this reflects worse on the interviewer than the interviewee (and you probably don’t want to date someone so judgmental anyways), but it doesn’t feel good when you know your date disapproves. There’s absolutely nothing you can do to change them, but you can do a few things for yourself: don’t take it personally and make sure you don’t ask questions in that manner yourself.
under Date Night
The saying goes that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, but can what you order on a first JDate actually turn a guy (or gal) off? I’m allergic to sulfites which means I can’t drink wine or eat onions and garlic. That sounds awful to most people, but too bad. When I order I have to make sure to ask if there are onions and to tell them I don’t want onions. So already I can come across as sounding difficult to my companions at dinner. It’s not my fault though. If a guy I dated in the past didn’t like it, then too bad. I believe that says more about him than me. I’ve been guilty of it too — one guy I met on JDate asked me out, and when I asked where we should meet, he said anywhere, except he’s a vegan allergic to dairy and wheat. I claimed I forgot about previous plans because I simply couldn’t imagine having to deal with that the rest of my life. Narrow-minded I admit. We all have things we don’t like or can’t eat at a restaurant; just try to downplay your ordering so that it doesn’t come off as difficult or high-maintenance.
under Date Night
All my life I have been told the same thing over and over. Stop slouching. Sit up straight. Blah blah blah.
As an adult this constant nagging of my mother still scars me.
But one thing is for sure, body language does play a critical role when dating. And as someone who has suffered from fidgeting and self-diagnosed ADD his whole life, it was an even bigger adjustment for me. But make no mistake. Body language is important and will send signals to the opposite sex.
If there is one thing I have learned in life it is that women notice everything.
Here are a few reminders for your first date…
- Stand tall and walk with your shoulders straight like an alpha male would.
- Don’t slouch at the dinner table as it will make you appear childish.
- Make sure you don’t fidget with whatever is in front of you. This will unintentionally mark you as nervous.
- Be confident with how you touch your date. A confident arm around the shoulder or slight touches on the arm, hand, and appropriate areas of the leg will go a long way.
- Make eye contact. Eye contact is key to showing you are a confident guy that has no fear of any woman no matter how beautiful.
Seem obvious? Some of them are. That doesn’t mean we don’t frequently make these mistakes regardless. So get into good habits and watch your dating life improve.