Groundhog’s Date

by Kelly under Relationships

I’ve been on a lot of first dates. I’m not sure the number will phase many of you – over 35 – but that’s in just 3 years with a few mini-relationships here and there. And the sad thing is, after a while, all these dates start to blur together. Sometimes I can’t tell apart the JP Morgans from the Morgan Stanleys. The Adams from the Davids. The Murray Hill boys from the Upper East Siders. Everyone loves their family, football, movies, and a good Sunday brunch. They frequent bars on the Lower East Side and watch The Office and Parks and Rec. And beer. All guys love their beer.

To be fair, I’m sure guys who date a lot would say the same about the female dating pool. I bet we all have similar names, work in media, marketing, or fashion, and live in Murray Hill or the East Village. And wait, don’t tell me. We all like sushi. Right?

This my friends, is what I call Groundhog’s Date. It’s just like the movie, except no guy is ever as funny as Bill Murray, and instead of “I’ve Got You Babe” all I have in my head is “Call Me Maybe.” 75% of the time the first date goes something like this. We meet at a bar at agreed time/date. The conversation starts off with the basics: our jobs, where we live, where we are from. I order a vodka soda with lime. We share our stories about how we landed in NYC. We order a second round of drinks. Discuss the fun topics like movies/TV, vacation plans, hobbies, yada, yada, yada. Then the check comes. I offer to pay my share, but he politely declines. We say goodnight and part ways…

Guy after guy, date after date, it all ends up becoming a hazy memory. When I go on a sequence of first dates it’s like I’m operating in autopilot, knowing exactly what to expect, what to say, which outfit to wear. But every once in awhile, I’ll find myself on a date halfway through my first drink and I suddenly realize I’m waking up. Maybe I’m laughing, smiling, flipping my hair. And hell, I might even be having fun. And maybe, at least for a little while, it feels like I’m not stuck in Groundhog’s Day.


Do Not Take Your Date To The Village Pourhouse

by Kelly under Relationships

Rule #1 of dating in NYC: Do not take your date to the Village Pourhouse. Do not even give her/him the option of the Village Pourhouse. Don’t even mention that you go to the Village Pourhouse or similar establishments.

This isn’t a difficult thing to avoid. While the Village Pourhouse is best known for a good time (if you can remember it), cheap beers, beer pong, and a young crowd, it’s not known for being a place of romance. That is, unless your idea of romance is making out in a dark corner with a stranger only to ask, “Are you on Facebook?” Now, I’ve never been asked to go to the Village Pourhouse on a first date, or any date for that matter. But my BFF recently went out with a guy whose first option was the Village Pourhouse. She convinced him to go elsewhere, and needless to say, the date sucked before it even began.

I appreciate when guys take into account convenience, noise level, seating (ie. not side-by-side, really that’s just awkward), and menu. You can’t go wrong with a wine or cocktail bar – lots of options and usually a nice, low-key ambiance. I also find it appealing to not have to fear for my life on my way to a date. One guy failed to mention that the bar he picked directly overlooks the East River. This meant I would have to walk across the FDR highway, behind abandoned buildings, decorated with graffiti and broken bottles on the ground. As I walked there, I whispered to myself, “I am not going to die. I am not going to die.” And trust me, if I did die, they would have never found my body.

Honestly, there are so many options in big cities like NYC. And if you can’t think of a place, ask a friend for suggestions. Give your date options so you’re both comfortable. And whatever you do, I beg you: do not make your date fear for their life or even think about the Village Pourhouse. Ever.


It’s Okay To Script The First Few Plays

by RollingStone9862 under Date Night,Relationships,Single Life

I have gone out on a lot of first dates with women whom I have met online during the past 6-months and it was during my most recent date that it occurred to me: I tell certain stories, and facts about myself, that I almost always divulge during the course of a date. Whenever I’m on a date where we go out to eat I always mention before we order that 1. I like to share food, and 2. The story of how I became a College Basketball Coach (which is completely fine-tuned). I also tend to break out the same stories when asked about my family, college, close friends or job. While I don’t try to necessarily steer the conversation toward these topics the way a politician might try to control the course of an interview so that it best fits the prepared answers they are most confident with, many first dates involve similar questions and topics of conversation.

Personally I think that there’s anything wrong with retelling many of the same stories, or sharing the same personal information on each first date, since everyone is going to react with differently. Furthermore, how a date will react upon learning these things about me isn’t always the same, and therefore the conversation might take any number of turns at that point, including them asking me more questions on the subject, sharing their own similar stories or changing the topic of conversation all together.

Some might view this approach with skepticism and believe that my general demeanor on first dates is apathetic or even condescending, but I would respond by saying that first dates are introductions and there are only so many things you are going to say during that first meeting. For me it is important that I always feel comfortable during a first date, and will often go with the natural flow of conversation. Of course, having this approach means that I tell many of the same stories and facts about myself since I know going into the date that I’m comfortable saying those things to pretty much anyone. From there, how much more in depth I talk about my life depends on how the date is going and whether or not during the course of our interaction I feel comfortable enough to let more stories and facts about me naturally flow out.