under Date Night
I am not receiving any interest from men on JDate. I sent out 8 e-cards and not one response. My friend suggested that I change my age on the website and perhaps men would be less reluctant to reach out to me. I am determined to leave my correct age because I wouldn’t want to meet someone that opposed to my age without knowing me. I am pretty, bright, own a business, and happy with my life. What gives?
Dear What Gives,
I agree with your friend about keeping your true age on your profile. You would be better off having your friend critique your photos and profile answers or sending me your profile name for me to give you an Extreme Profile Makeover. In the meantime, make sure you talk about being “young at heart” or “looking and feeling younger than [your] age” in your profile to combat the age issue and concern about reluctance from men.
Then, try some other techniques instead of relying on e-cards. Make sure you are viewing your prospects regularly so that they know you are interested, add them to your Favorites list, and then possibly initiate an email conversation. Again, you may not get a response but it may not be personal — it could be that the person is not a paid member and can’t read their messages. The only way to combat this is by playing the numbers game, meaning the more prospects you have the better the chance you will receive emails and responses.
I have no idea how to start a conversation with someone I’m interested in. What should I say that’s not too much… but just enough.
Lost in Conversation
Hi Lost in Conversation,
Great question! Interestingly, when both people are already intrigued by the other’s profile, it really doesn’t matter how you start the email as long as you take the time to send one. That said, here is an example that you can play around with and personalize:
I was attracted to your profile by your photos, but I was really impressed by what you wrote, especially _____________. We have a lot in common (which you can see by reading my profile) and I’m always excited to meet people who also love ________________. Have you ever ________________?
Looking forward to hearing from you,
under Online Dating
Online dating would be much better if people just started chatting with each other like they were talking in real life. Eliminating the creepy or the overly flirtatious first messages and replaced them with something respectable and conversational.
I hope you wouldn’t walk up to someone at a bar and give them a wink face or compliment their looks, before even saying hello or introducing yourself. Treat your online dating messages in the same fashion, please.
- Do: Make the person feel special. Spend the same amount of time (or more) that you’re allocating to browsing their photos to read their profile. Find out their interests and what it is that makes them stand out. If you sprinkle that throughout the message, the person will be more inclined to respond and give your profile a read.
- Don’t: 1) Copy a message you sent to one person, and then paste it into an email for several others. This shows you’re mass messaging people on the site and no one wants to be another victim of your messaging spree. People want to feel special. 2) Send a one-word email. It’s hard to start off a conversation that way and shows that you didn’t take the time to read their “About Me” section. 3) Be negative. Telling the person you’re not a fan of online dating and your mom is forcing you to be on the site can make them feel bad about this process and also your intentions. Don’t start off a message in a way that makes them feel like you are forcing yourself to chat with them or take this process seriously.
Read more Jen Glantz, here: www.thethingsilearnedfrom.com.