Love At First JDate: Handing Out Your ‘Digits’

by JenG under JDate,Online Dating,Single Life

When I first told a small group of my closest friends that I was going to join JDate, one of them (who has spent a couple of months on the site), turned to me with endearing and enthusiastic eyes and asked, “What’s your plan?”

Plan? What kind of plan did I need? Don’t I just set up a profile with my “who, what, where, why, and when,” and just wait? Did I need to make a to-do list, or a color-coded chart to handle my new wired up dating life?

I told my friend that my plan would include simply emailing any guys I had interest in to set up a date. “Email?!” she said with a non-stop laugh. “That wont go over well.”

Before I joined the site, I was wary about giving out my number. I have a very close-knit relationship with my phone, it goes everywhere with me, even the bath tub (thank you overprotective phone case). The last thing I want is a swarm of text messages from a jumbled mess of men I wouldn’t be able to place a face to a name to… yet. My “plan” of action would be to give out my phone number to a guy, but only after we met in person, and only if we really hit off.

After spending a week on the site, and having several requests to exchange numbers, I quickly realized the only sense of a “plan” I had going into this was suddenly an ultimate failure. I was even turning off guys where I thought there might have been potential. When someone intriguing asked for my digits, I’d say something awkward and nonsensical, making me seem mistakenly distant or uninterested.

So, here’s what I’ve uncovered about sharing your digits:

Don’t: If you’re still not sure you like someone you’re chatting with, and feel as though you need to go on bantering a little more online before handing over your digits. Keep the conversation flowing and casually mention you’d like to keep getting to know more about them before meeting up. If they are turned off, or make you feel uncomfortable, accept this as a possible red flag.

Do: Give out your digits if you feel like you’ve hit it off with someone and wouldn’t mind a quicker chat to occur via the dancing of thumbs on your cellular phone. Also, do give them 500 bonus points if they take your digits, and instead of admiring them, they actually pick up the phone and call you to ask you out on a date.

The How We Met Story

by Kelly under Relationships

I have one friend who refuses to acknowledge that we met on JDate. We’ve known each other for almost four years now, but a while back he made the executive decision to rewrite the history of how we met. So all of his friends have the new truth, while all of my friends have the original story from our first JDate. I even had a nickname for him based on his “About Me” section that I still refer to him as to my friends. I have total respect for his privacy on the subject, because I realize that for most people (myself excluded), online dating is a personal choice. However, I do believe that you can’t decide how you meet the love of your life. That’s going to happen when and where it’s going to happen. Unlike most things in my life, that’s one thing I can’t schedule.

The thing that I find so funny about is that I know of so many couples who met online. It’s like everywhere I look I see online dating success stories standing as tangible proof that it works. And yet when they are asked, “How’d you meet?” They lower their voices and say, “JDate” or say it so quickly that we don’t fixate on that part of the story.  I just don’t get the stigma about it. I’d much rather claim JDate, as opposed to telling my kids the story of how I met their father at a frat boy filled dive bar. “Well, hunny. One night I was out with some friends at Brother Jimmy’s. Daddy saw me standing at the bar when I was going to buy a drink, we started talking and before I know it we were flirting and he bought me my next vodka soda. At the end of the night he asked me for my phone number. We texted for a couple of weeks and then he asked me out! Isn’t that, like, so romantic?!” (Disclaimer: I do not go to Brother Jimmy’s).

Don’t get me wrong, I’d really like to meet the great love of my life in person, and have a great story to go along with it. My parents had the kind of story that just makes you smile and laugh and you can even feel your heart just warm. I can’t help but want the same. But like I said, you can’t schedule the where and when. That’s why we so often turn to online sites – it can make it happen, even if it’s not spontaneous. I just know that if I ever meet a guy at Brother Jimmy’s, Central Bar, Bar None, or any bar like that, and things get serious between us, please sit me down and have an intervention about which bars I frequent and my recent life choices. And then please help me figure out how to rewrite the How We Met story. Because that’s a story that just won’t be pretty.

Holiday Hope

by Tamar Caspi under Single Life

All these holiday parties give you ample opportunity to meet someone and start off the new year on the right path — in a relationship! Every community has their annual parties and JDate has taken many cities by storm with their celebrations, so take advantage. First, buy your tickets and GO! If you’re single, there is no excuse NOT to go! Even if you’re not in the city you reside in, there is still a party you can find. Next, dress to impress. Look your best! Finally, here are some great ways to start a conversation: if there’s a photographer at the party, grab him and ask him to take a photo of you — then go find your crush and set it up to make it look like the photog wanted a pic of you two. Then ask the photographer if you guys can see the pic and comment on how good you look together! This opens the door to exchanging names and so on. The photographer will more than likely post the photos on Facebook at which point you can tag yourself, wait for your crush to tag him or herself and then you can add each other. The same for parties with a photo booth. If you start talking to a crush, grab him or her plus the props and go have fun! This will allow your crush to see your fun side. Most of these booths spit out 2 copies of the photos, so grab them both and write your name and number on the back of one and give it to your crush. Using the free drink tickets, you can “buy” your crush a drink and joke over how much it cost you — just make sure to tip the bartender generously! Not only is it polite, but it’s impressive! Look for every opening and take every opportunity to start a conversation with someone new.

X-Rated IMs

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Dear Tamar,

It seems that almost every time I’m IMing with a guy, it starts out nice and then the guy turns the conversation to x-rated topics. Please help, why does this always seem to happen???

Dear X-Rated IMs,

I don’t believe people will jump to X-rated conversation without some prompting. I’m not blaming this on you, but check your communication and your photos because maybe you’re sending messages that you don’t mean to. Are your photos sexy, showing a lot of skin? Is your About Me and your IMs flirtatious? Try to pull in the reigns a bit and see if that helps. And if a guy starts veering towards the inappropriate, cut him loose right away and don’t waste anymore of your time. Some guys (and girls) are just there to hook up and their X-rated come-on’s are being used to see if you’re game. Let them know that you’re not by cutting off contact.

Change It Up

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Dear Tamar,

I am wondering if there is something wrong with my profile or if I need to do something to it to get a little more attention here on JDate. I consider myself to be an attractive woman, I’m a grad student, I have a lot to offer, but I do not get a lot of quality guys contacting me on JDate. Any advice on updating/changing my profile to attract the right type of guy (more serious minded) would be greatly appreciated!

Dear Change It Up,

Anytime you’re looking for men who are more serious-minded to give you attention you need to reassess the vibe you’re putting across via your profile. If your photos are sexy and provocative then men will not take you seriously. You don’t want to look like a nun but you don’t want the photo to be all cleavage and skin either. What attracts men most is a great smile and eyes with some depth. Your About Me and other paragraphs shouldn’t be too flirty either. But, at the same time, you don’t want to come across as either desperate or boring, so you need to find the middle ground. Once you’re on a date you can crank up the flirt factor somewhat but waiting until the guy gets to know you before really turning it on would be most beneficial to you finding a guy who takes you — and a relationship — seriously.

Let’s (Not) Talk About Sex

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Online Dating,Relationships

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­Dear Tamar,
I have been on JDate for a while and I am not meeting anyone. When I do meet someone all they talk about is sex. How do I find the right guy?

Dear Let’s (Not) Talk About Sex,

If (or rather, when) the conversation turns to sex too soon, the probability of the date turning into a serious relationship is nil to none. Sex is important, don’t get me wrong, but if one of you starts talking about sex on the first date then its because he or she is looking for a hook-up and nothing more. If this happens to you time and time again, then it’s time to take a look at your profile and see what kind of message you’re conveying. Are your photos too sexy or showing too much skin? Is your “About Me” paragraph a little over-flirty? Double-check your profile and make some subtle changes to make sure you’re not the one sending the sex signals. Same goes for when you’re on a date; don’t dress too sexy or be too flirty too soon (and this includes touching your date’s arm or leg early and often). If you’re still getting sex talk then politely let your date know that you want to get to know him or her better before going in that direction. If they’re not on board then jump ship. Good Luck!

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