Death to Dating

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,JDate,Online Dating,Relationships

Month after month, the same faces seem to gaze upon you from the computer screen as you peruse JDate, searching, hoping that the discovery of a new face will appear. And you hope and wait and pray that this find will be a perfect match, both of you Hot-Listing each other, sending Flirts, messages and finally exchanging phone numbers only to meet up and unearth your beshert. But month after month this is not to be and your JDate prospects seem to be thinning as quickly as your boss’s hairline. Frustration sets in.

Date after date, the faces sitting across from you begin to all look alike, memories of those dates turn into a redundant void, lacking chemistry and stimulating conversation.  Even still, you hope, wait and pray before each date that this time will be different; this time your interest will be piqued, and there will be instant attraction, and you won’t want the night to end. But date after date this is not to be and the possibility of finding your beshert seems to be disappearing faster than the alcohol at an open bar wedding reception. Frustration turns to indignation.

So what’s a single Jew to do? Before you become so cynical you can’t see straight, I suggest reevaluating what YOU want out of life, out of a mate. Talk to any of your single friends, of any gender, any age, in any city and you’ll be quickly comforted by the fact that you’re not alone in your misery. Reevaluate your priorities: where do you want to go in your career? Are you spending enough quality time with family and friends? Are you eating well and exercising? Take a step back and take some “you” time and then give your JDate profile a facelift.

Once you’ve put everything into perspective and finished your profile makeover (new photos, new screen name, new paragraphs and most of all, new attitude) you’ll not only begin attracting potential dates like a moth to a flame, but you’ll be the *NEW* face on the screen and faces that once blended into the background will now stand out. Try it and good luck!

Flattered and Frustrated

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,JFacts,Online Dating,Relationships,Single Life

Dear Tamar,

In the past I feel like I always took JDate too seriously.  I now have a more laidback approach and find it to be a lot more fun and challenging. I have had a lot of pursuers, but I haven’t found anyone that I am interested in. When I thought I found the “man of my dreams,” he didn’t respond to any of my e-mails! He sent me a Mother’s Day eCard but hasn’t responded to my subsequent emails. On occasion he will view my profile, but no message. What’s up with that? I don’t get it! Why are they there if they show interest and don’t respond? Please explain.

Dear Flattered and Frustrated,

I remember that high you get when you check “who’s viewed me” and see the hot guy you’ve been keeping tabs on. And I remember how quickly that high dissipates when you realize all he’s done once again is view you and not contact you. And then my paid membership ran out and before I renewed I realized the constraints that a free membership places on JDaters®. It sounds like this guy could have a free membership, which means he can’t write emails or read the emails in his inbox and he can’t send instant messages although he can receive and respond to them. He can, though, send eCards, Flirts, Hot List and view you to his heart’s desire. That means if he’s interested in you, he will keep viewing your profile until you contact him in a way that he can respond to. In other words, you’re going to have to cyber stalk him until you are both signed on at the same time so you can send him an IM. And what that means is that you have to put your pride on the line one more time. If the IM doesn’t get you anywhere, then it’s time to cut your losses and move on, because he is obviously not the man you thought he was. Good luck!

Inactive Actions

by Tamar Caspi under JBloggers,JDate

Dear Tamar,

I’ve been on JDate for a few months now, but have yet to actually go on a physical JDate. I am happy with my profile (positive, honest, etc.) and even got a good friend to give me a second opinion. Also, I’ve been scanning lots of profiles, and have reached out to a few girls that have caught my eye (with IMs or personalized emails). But while this has led to a few nice virtual conversations, nothing more than that has developed. So my question is, am I missing something? Do other people have this hard of a time at first?

Dear Inactive Actions,

This is a great question and I think you will be helping a lot of people by asking it. My questions for you to think about are: have you asked any of the girls out? Have you asked any of the girls for their phone numbers to take the conversation off-line? If your answer to either of these is “NO” then you have no one to blame but yourself. If you have taken action, then you need to take another look at your profile and what you’re saying in the IMs and e-mails. Have more friends or family members edit your profile and suggest photos. Check out the profiles of other guys who match your qualifications (under preferences, change the search options so you can see what your competition looks like — just don’t forget to change it back!). Use the Click!® feature as well as the Views, Hot Lists and Flirts to your advantage so you’re not writing a girl out of the blue, but instead writing the ones who also Click! with you or who have Viewed, Hot Listed and returned Flirts. At the beginning, JDate is not only a monetary commitment but a time commitment.  There are going to be literally hundreds of women who fit your preferences but only a limited amount who will ultimately be interested in you. Take the time to explore and experience all that JDate has to offer before you give up, because the odds are most definitely in your favor.

Making Contact

by Tamar Caspi under JBloggers,JDate,Online Dating

Minutes after creating a JDate profile you’ll probably start getting a lot of views right off the bat. Being fresh meat on the JDate market means you’re feeling pretty hot right about now, but how do you convert the views into dates? And what do you do when someone else’s profile catches your eye?

First, use the JDate tools to your advantage. When the “views”, “flirts” and “clicks” are used and reciprocated, you know the other person is interested… now it’s time to make a move and send a message. But wait… I’m an old fashioned type of gal and I believe if the guy is interested he’ll make the move, just as if we were in a bar. So the women can send flirts to their hearts desire, but let the guy make the first move. So guys (or gals who don’t want to sit around waiting,after all, it is a free world), when you write your message make sure it is not about you! We can learn enough about you by reading your profile. The message should be about why you like the other person, what caught your eye and what you have in common. Make the message specific to the person you’re writing to and add a compliment or two for good measure. The message should be short and sweet, but at least three lines. And do not ever, and I mean never, copy and paste a generic e-mail, it’s always obvious!

If you’re on the receiving end of a message, you can easily check to make sure the writer actually read your profile by looking for specifics. If you think the writer is attractive, you like their profile and their message, then go ahead and write back. But don’t wait too long. You should reply within the next day or two, just as you would if the message were a phone call to return. The reply should consist of a thank you, a return compliment and your phone number. That’s it. Keep it simple.


by GemsFromJen under JBloggers,JDate,Online Dating

Dear Gems from Jen,

How do I get somebody who got my attention to answer my messages since no matter how many Flirts or e-cards I sent him, he would not respond?

I can see that he is still single as he in online every day.

Dear J-Messaging,

Sometimes one can over-do things.  It sounds to me as if you are chasing someone who is probably not interested.  If you have sent e-mails and Flirts and still have not received a response, my best guess is this particular person is just not looking to get to know you better.

Take this as a sign to move on to other profiles. Don’t waste your time and energy on this guy any longer.  I’m pretty sure there are a bunch of other guys on JDate looking to get to know someone like yourself. Spend your time emailing and flirting with people who are willing to respond. Good luck!


Gems from Jen

Profile Counting

by GemsFromJen under JBloggers,JDate,Online Dating

Dear Gems from Jen,
I just don’t understand why I don’t get many viewings of my profile. I have recent, cute pictures, and what I think is a well-written profile, but I don’t seem to get a lot of activity. What’s the typical number of views I should be expecting?

Dear Profile Counting,

There really isn’t a typical number associated with profile views.  Everyone’s experience on JDate is different. Focusing on numbers will only serve to take the focus away from your true purpose; meeting great people on JDate! Instead of looking at the numbers your profile is generating, look at the quality of the people your profile is attracting. Take some time to look at profiles rather than waiting for the views, Flirts, and messages to come to you. Take your dating life into your own hands and reach out to those people on JDate whom you find interesting.

Gems from Jen


by GemsFromJen under JBloggers,JDate

What a week! I was so busy this week that it got me thinking. How in the world can I find a meaningful relationship while earning a living and partaking in the necessities of life? I have repeated this question over and over while answering readers’ questions, because I think it bears repeating, if for no one else but myself. JDate is a great way to assist those of us who are looking for a relationship. I need to remind myself that dating takes time and energy. I am re-committing myself to daily use.  I will put aside 15 minutes a day to look at profiles, respond to emails, send out Flirts and respond to anyone who has messaged me. My daily routine will include JDate. If I am serious about this, which I am, I know this needs to be done.  Thank G-d for JDate or I don’t think I would ever have another date again!

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New and Nervous

by GemsFromJen under JBloggers,Online Dating

Dear Gems from Jen,
I am very new at this and very nervous.  I too send out Flirts and emails and get one response and that’s it.  Any suggestions on “spicing” up my profile?  I am simple and down to earth.  A true romantic and don’t seem to be able to keep anyone interested.  Is it normal to always chat and never meet face to face?  Thanks

Dear New And Nervous,
Everyone’s experience on JDate is unique. I’m not so sure there is a “norm” that applies to any one person using the site. My best suggestion is to make sure your profile really, truly describes who you are and the qualities you are searching for.  Make sure your pictures are up to date and really portray what you are all about. For instance, if you state in your profile that cooking is a favorite activity, make certain to use a picture that shows you cooking and having a great time doing it. When describing the qualities you are searching for be specific, but allow room for compromise.  Only pick a small number of qualities that you are unwilling to compromise on. It has been my experience that no one will meet every criterion so make sure you are not too specific. Keep sending Flirts and emails.  Devote some time to this process and don’t expect immediate results. Good things tend to be worth the wait!
Gems from Jen

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by GemsFromJen under JBloggers,Online Dating,Relationships

Dear GemsfromJen,

What would help me to make a connection with someone after having already tried emails, Flirts and Instant Messages?

Dear Connections,

My first suggestion is to move on to the next profile that you find interesting.  If someone isn’t responding after several attempts of trying to gain their attention, it usually means they are not interested. Not that this is always the case, but it generally tends to be. My belief is if someone receives messages and they are not interested in establishing a connection it is common courtesy to let the person know in a polite manner that they do not feel that it is a good match. You don’t want to come across as harassing, so it sounds to me as if it is time to focus your attention elsewhere.

 Gems from Jen

Have Some Common Courtesy

by GemsFromJen under JBloggers,Online Dating

Dear Gems from Jen,
I could use some advice on how to initiate conversation with a guy online or how to answer a guy who contacts me with a Flirt.
I always think that guys send a whole bunch of emails out at a time to many women because they almost never follow through when I respond to their Flirts.  What’s this all about anyway?  I’m getting too old to play these games….
Dear M,
To initiate a conversation or respond to a Flirt, send a short note stating what caught your eye and some of the qualities you possess.  Let the person know you are interested in finding out more and that you look forward to their response. Make it brief, but positive. Give it a little bit of time and if the person does not respond go to the next profile that seems interesting.
I realize how frustrating not getting a response can be. I believe it is common courtesy to respond, even with a ‘no thank you, I’m not interested,’ rather than ignoring someone. However, not everyone understands that this behavior can be considered rude or some may have not learned about Internet etiquette.
Instead of only responding to Flirts send your own to men that you are sincerely interested in getting to know. Put the ball in your court and take your dating life into your own hands. This way, if a man does not respond, you will know right from the beginning that he is not worth your time. Don’t send anything else and move onto the next profile. Remember, this is about meeting someone who is a quality person and good manners are an important quality. Without good manners you can almost always be certain that the person is really not worth your time.  You sound like a straight shooter so don’t use your energy trying to understand this type of behavior.  Use your time and energy to meet quality, courtesy minded people, like yourself.
Gems from Jen