What a week! I was so busy this week that it got me thinking. How in the world can I find a meaningful relationship while earning a living and partaking in the necessities of life? I have repeated this question over and over while answering readers’ questions, because I think it bears repeating, if for no one else but myself. JDate is a great way to assist those of us who are looking for a relationship. I need to remind myself that dating takes time and energy. I am re-committing myself to daily use.  I will put aside 15 minutes a day to look at profiles, respond to emails, send out Flirts and respond to anyone who has messaged me. My daily routine will include JDate. If I am serious about this, which I am, I know this needs to be done.  Thank G-d for JDate or I don’t think I would ever have another date again!

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Dear Gems from Jen,
I am very new at this and very nervous.  I too send out Flirts and emails and get one response and that’s it.  Any suggestions on “spicing” up my profile?  I am simple and down to earth.  A true romantic and don’t seem to be able to keep anyone interested.  Is it normal to always chat and never meet face to face?  Thanks

Dear New And Nervous,
Everyone’s experience on JDate is unique. I’m not so sure there is a “norm” that applies to any one person using the site. My best suggestion is to make sure your profile really, truly describes who you are and the qualities you are searching for.  Make sure your pictures are up to date and really portray what you are all about. For instance, if you state in your profile that cooking is a favorite activity, make certain to use a picture that shows you cooking and having a great time doing it. When describing the qualities you are searching for be specific, but allow room for compromise.  Only pick a small number of qualities that you are unwilling to compromise on. It has been my experience that no one will meet every criterion so make sure you are not too specific. Keep sending Flirts and emails.  Devote some time to this process and don’t expect immediate results. Good things tend to be worth the wait!
Signed,
Gems from Jen

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Dear GemsfromJen,

What would help me to make a connection with someone after having already tried emails, Flirts and Instant Messages?

Dear Connections,

My first suggestion is to move on to the next profile that you find interesting.  If someone isn’t responding after several attempts of trying to gain their attention, it usually means they are not interested. Not that this is always the case, but it generally tends to be. My belief is if someone receives messages and they are not interested in establishing a connection it is common courtesy to let the person know in a polite manner that they do not feel that it is a good match. You don’t want to come across as harassing, so it sounds to me as if it is time to focus your attention elsewhere.
 Signed,

 Gems from Jen

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Dear Gems from Jen,
 
I could use some advice on how to initiate conversation with a guy online or how to answer a guy who contacts me with a Flirt.
 
I always think that guys send a whole bunch of emails out at a time to many women because they almost never follow through when I respond to their Flirts.  What’s this all about anyway?  I’m getting too old to play these games….
 
M
 
Dear M,
 
To initiate a conversation or respond to a Flirt, send a short note stating what caught your eye and some of the qualities you possess.  Let the person know you are interested in finding out more and that you look forward to their response. Make it brief, but positive. Give it a little bit of time and if the person does not respond go to the next profile that seems interesting.
 
I realize how frustrating not getting a response can be. I believe it is common courtesy to respond, even with a ‘no thank you, I’m not interested,’ rather than ignoring someone. However, not everyone understands that this behavior can be considered rude or some may have not learned about Internet etiquette.
 
Instead of only responding to Flirts send your own to men that you are sincerely interested in getting to know. Put the ball in your court and take your dating life into your own hands. This way, if a man does not respond, you will know right from the beginning that he is not worth your time. Don’t send anything else and move onto the next profile. Remember, this is about meeting someone who is a quality person and good manners are an important quality. Without good manners you can almost always be certain that the person is really not worth your time.  You sound like a straight shooter so don’t use your energy trying to understand this type of behavior.  Use your time and energy to meet quality, courtesy minded people, like yourself.
 
 
Signed,
 
Gems from Jen

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