Love at First JDate: All My Friends Are Engaged

by JenG under Relationships

It may feel as though every time you log onto Facebook, there’s some teary eyed announcement over someone you know getting engaged. The ring is shiny and the champagne is flowing, but there you are. Alone. Single. And upset.

Do: Find it in yourself to be happy for others around you. It will open up a place in your heart where you’ll feel inspired and motivated to go out and date. To meet new people and hopefully find love.

Don’t: Get hung up on seeing others around you get engaged. Love doesn’t have an age limit and you are certainly not behind—no matter your marital status. Focus on living and pushing yourself to try new opportunities and through that meet new people.

Also, check out my newly released eBook: All My Friends Are Engaged on Amazon + iTunes now:
http://www.amazon.com/All-My-Friends-are-Engaged-ebook/dp/B00FX9K3Y6/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1382049734&sr=8-1&keywords=JEN+GLANTZ


I’ll Be There For You

by Aaron under JBloggers,Relationships,Single Life

In one of my favorite shows, Friends, there is a scene in the fourth season finale where we catch Chandler in bed and as Ross leaves the room, we see Monica pop up from under the covers, and one of TV’s greatest (and funniest) romances begins to take off.

For a long time, that was my ideal romance. It happened to me a few times in college (too many of my favorite stories from college start with an “I have feelings for you, Aaron!” followed by a “So…do you want to make out or something?” awkwardly asked by me.), but for some reason it’s never lasted (even with my great response to people laying their hearts on the line to me!). I’ve had friends that I’ve gone that direction with and we’ve left it on good terms, but I’ve also ruined some friendships in the same way.

And yet I’m constantly drawn to that TV idea of Monica and Chandler. I’m sure I’ve got friends who would happily date me, and I’m sure most people do, too. It’s just as we grow older and don’t have school to provide us with a constant stream of new friends, we get scared of taking something to a different place. We worry it’d ruin the friendship, or just think that despite our constant hanging out and ability to tolerate and even enjoy each other, a relationship wouldn’t work.

But really, who better to date than people we already know we can trust and enjoy? As Rosh Hashanah came this year, I made a list of about thirty people, male and female, I wanted to get closer with this year. I regularly add to the list, and I also reach out to the people on the list for hanging out on my quieter nights (typically Thursday night dinners a friend and I put together). This is pretty much my biggest goal of the year socially, to grow not just the breadth of my network but also the depth of my relationships.

Growing friendships in Dallas has been something I’ve enjoyed over the years as I’ve rekindled friendships from Hebrew School and just learned to see people in new ways. We know faces, but getting to know real people takes some work. Sometimes when I try to open people up at events they get a little too open (telling me when they lost their virginity, exposing their long-hidden racism, etc.), but overall I love getting to know the faces around me when I go out. So next time you go to a big Jewish event, don’t just think “oh great, them again”, try to find something new about those same old faces around you. You might just find your Monica or Chandler has been in front of you all along.


Love At First JDate: Friends With Opinions

by JenG under Relationships

When I find someone who makes my heart feel like it’s pumping out an endless fountain of chocolate fondue, the next thing I am eager to do is introduce that person to my friends—the people in my life who keep me afloat and whose opinions matter more to me sometimes than my own flesh and blood. But it can be overwhelming and even if you beg your friends to be on their best behavior, they will slip in a comment to a guy like “Just so you know, you break her heart, I’ll break your face.”

  • Do: Ease them in slowly. Have the new man in your life meet your pals in small groups, for a small amount of time. Have them “stop by” or meet them for one drink. Something casual and that incorporates just a bit of small talk. You don’t want to bring him out with you to a girls’ dinner or a friend’s Sex and the City Birthday bash—at least not for the first time.
  • Don’t: Bombard the new lad you’re dating with a situation where there’s a tremendous amount of your friends circling him spitting out a fireball round of questions or engaging in conversation and making him feel left out. Put yourself in his shoes and understand how scary it would be for you to be introduced to his “Bro” world if a bunch of guys were spilling beers on your toes and playing a game of 20-questions.

Like most awkward and uncomfortable situations in dating, it’s best to ease into having your new “boyfriend” become friends with your “girlfriends”.

Read more Jen Glantz here: www.thethingsilearnedfrom.com


Manners: The Best Stalking Mechanism

by Adam under Date Night,JBloggers,JDate,Online Dating,Relationships,Single Life

So you’ve met this girl or guy. You like him or her, but you don’t know if they like you. You know where they work, live, play, and hope for a Hollywoodesque chance meeting at the local coffee shop where you can compare your latte orders and hopefully pick up a number. You want them to like you, but you also don’t want a restraining order against you a month after you meet them.

Given this situation, how do you properly “stalk” someone in a way that enables you to form some kind of relationship?

First, be nice. It’s a simple quality that goes a long way. It’s a “hi, how are you doing?” when you see them again. If you’re a guy, it’s even opening the door to a building if you walk in at the same time. However, being nice just doesn’t include the person you are after, it’s respecting the people around them when in a group setting. Show respect to their friends, and even random strangers who happen to be in the conversation. That way, the next time you run into your crush in a group setting, her friends will remember that initial niceness you showed them, and you’ll rank a little higher in their book.

After the initial niceness, it’s having the ability to make conversation. As outgoing and gregarious as I am, I have a slight tendency to act extraordinarily awkward around girls I like, rendering my conversational skills to zero. Once again a simple ,”Oh, I’m excited for this event “, or “hey, how was work today?” or “I really thought Shaniqua was going to get the rose on the season finale of the Bachelor” conveys a lot without making the person feel uncomfortable.

People go on dates with those they feel comfortable around and find intriguing. Yes, persistence is a nice trait to have, and telling your crush’s friends you like him/her may make them smile for a bit, but actions speak louder than words. I could be the greatest romantic in the world, but if I’m not a nice person, who’s going to actually want to date me, or even better, hope for a chance meeting in the local coffee shop?


Put the Brake on the Fake

by Adam under Relationships

“Oh, my friends actually maintain my profile.”

I got this response from a girl I was supposedly “messaging” at an event I went to during the High Holidays. She had apparently “Secretly Admired” me and we were talking about our High Holiday services and break-fast plans. She seemed nice, with a witty personality to boot, and was a sports fan, so I was definitely interested and took the initiative to message her first.

Saying, “Hey my name is Adam and we’ve been talking on JDate,” probably wasn’t the best opening line, especially in front of mutual friends of ours. Still, what kind of person lets their friends control their dating profile?

Now, understand I don’t include fake Craigslist or OkCupid profiles in this rant, because they are free sites, and it’s much easier to make a profile on a free site than a site like JDate where you really need to pay to get a real benefit from the site (which is a good thing). I bring this issue up now because it seems to be a recurring problem. “Oh, my mom signed me up for JDate” or “Yeah, my friends do it so they can see who else is on this site” are the usual excuses. You wouldn’t give your friends control of your bank account — so why let them handle your dating life?

I know some of you may read this and say, “I don’t care, my mom/friends can handle it, whatever,” but it boils down to more than that. And “fake it till you make it” is probably not the best way to attract a potential partner. Rather, it opens up more questions about your personal character. Listen, if you don’t want to date, than get off the site. Don’t hurt your online persona, and your dating reputation, by letting other people control your “actions.”

I abide by the principle of “say what you mean, mean what you say.” My friends can look, but not touch my profile. Why? Because they are A) not as creative as me and B) may say something totally opposite of what I want to say. If I message a girl with a dumb question or cheesy pick-up line, I’ll own up to it because I may end up seeing that girl at a later date (especially with how small Austin is).

Don’t be Donald Rumsfeld. Your dating profile should always be a known known. It might be an unknown known how people respond to you, but you should never be unknown as to what is known about the interactions that go on within it.

Do you.


Wailing Betrayals

by JeremySpoke under Date Night,Single Life

If you are only friends with females, and you are not a female, that is very weird. I am just now today learning this. Though I have a lot of male friends, most of them don’t live in the same city as me because I moved back after college. Therefore, most of my friends here are not male. That explanation really does not explain why I have a lot of female friends. It only explains why I don’t have a lot of male friends. I think I attract female friends because I am a giant woman. By giant, in no way do I mean I am a tall or heavy female! What I mean is I’m one of those guys who is too sensitive and nonthreatening and stuff. You know? I always apologize for things and don’t mind going to any movie, even if it has Kate Hudson and isn’t Almost Famous. However, not even I was able to force myself to go see Bride Wars.

Anyway, I have been dating a girl for about a month and everything is going great. However, she mentioned early on that she was a little trepidatious about my closeness with other females. Is it not normal to go to dinner and a movie with a person of the opposite sex if you are not dating them? It’s not? See, I am still learning the rules. Apparently, it’s not. No, apparently, that is the strict definition of ‘date’. That actually explains the time that married woman refused to go to a friendly dinner and a movie with me.


Wiener Break

by JeremySpoke under Single Life

As my self-imposed Subway® diet completed its third month of being a thing, I decided to spend my birthday dinner at a hot dog place that serves no sandwich in sub form. I figured since I’ve lost about sixty pounds, I could afford to gain 20-40 lbs over the course of one night.

The operation was successful. I started dinner with a coke that wasn’t at all diet. I drank an entire can before my meal even came. Unbelievable. When the meal came, it was even bigger and hot-doggier than I had ever imagined. On top of that, literally, was chili, Fritos®, and onions. You may, as I did, initially think that the chili would cause the dog to be impossible to eat without silverware. You would be completely wrong. It was perfect. The bun was large enough to handle a dog overflowing with flavor and ingredients.

In attendance, aside from myself, were my parents, grandparents, and a couple of close friends. Two of the three friends there were female. Both of them are extremely attractive, which made my entire family wistful. Maybe it’s wishful. I think it’s wishful. Either way, they were both of those things. I know my parents were wondering why I wasn’t dating either of them, and it made me think of how horribly awkward it would be if I asked either of them out. This is especially true for the one who’s in a relationship. But really, I can’t ask either of them out because not only would they say, “no,” but also they’re my only friends in Houston, and I need them.

Subway starts again tomorrow.

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The Post-Break Up Facebook Problem Part 2

by RollingStone9862 under Relationships

Even though I have never had a problem being Facebook friend with a woman while we were dating that doesn’t mean that there weren’t problem with us being Facebook Friends after we broke up…

The problem one faces when you seriously date someone you are Facebook friends with is that when you break up you are left with two, equally poor, options.

Option #1

You de-friend the person you were dating so that you don’t inadvertently learn any new information about them through the Facebook News Feed. Additionally de-friending them saves you in the event that you succumb to temptation, and view their page in order to see what they’ve recently posted or if they are dating someone new you, by giving you a fail safe which prevents you from the agony that inevitably results from such actions since you will no longer be able to view their page because you aren’t their Facebook friend any longer.

Drawback to Option #1

If you decide to de-friend the person you recently broke up with there is a strong possibility you will look like the smaller person in the situation and may receive flack about it from mutual friends. De-friending on the surface seems immature and might make it seem to the other person or people with knowledge or your break up that you aren’t handling it well.

Option #2

You remain friends with then and hope that you enter into a new relationship or post interesting information and pictures to your profile before they do, so you aren’t the one left feeling as though the other person is doing better without you, or doing better than you at that point in time.

Drawback to Option #2

You may inadvertently learn things about the person you broke up with you don’t want to know, which may lead you to feel bad about yourself or fixate on as a result. Information you may not want to know includes that they are dating someone knew, any information that makes it seem like they are doing better than you, or pictures that show them having fun, particularly with mutual friends or at places where you used to have fun together.

In the end there is really no good way to handle this situation, and to some the whole idea behind my past two blogs may seem ridiculous; but I was once in that camp and have through experience come to realize the potential unintentional psychological damage that being Facebook friends with your ex can inflict. Ultimately social media, and specifically Facebook, aren’t going anywhere, therefore we just going to have to adjust to this new aspect of dating, relationships and break ups, as well as the potential consequences or situations that they might present to us.

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Would You Like To Meet My People?

by RollingStone9862 under Date Night,Online Dating,Relationships

I’ve gone out on a bunch of dates with a woman over the course of the last month, and during that time we have gotten along great and had a lot of fun together. This has led me to contemplate if we havereached the point where I should introduce her to my friends. Obviously I am well aware of how inexact the science of dating is; but I do think that there is always the potential for disaster (in the form of scaring someone off) if you introduce them to your friends too early. Sure, you could have an adult conversation about your relationship where you both get on the same page as to exactly how each of you feels about the relationship and where it is heading, but for most people, me included, that is once again a dicey area because you don’t want to have that conversation too soon either.

Since I’ve been thinking about whether it is the right (or even a good) time to introduce the woman I’ve been seeing to some of my friends , and have teetered back and forth, this has eventually indicated to me that I should probably not try to force it by specifically setting something up, and rather should just let an opportunity naturally present itself. Fortunately for me I didn’t have to wait very long since a few days after I reached the prior sentence’s conclusion a good friend of mine informed me that his birthday party was going to be the upcoming weekend. Immediately I figured that this was the right opportunity to introduce her to some of my friends since the setting would be very casual, and there wouldn’t be much pressure since there would be a large group of people – many of which I won’t even know. Last night I invited her to the party via text since she is out of town for work and that is the primary way that we have been communicating, although her response of “sure” was less than enthusiast; but I have tried not to read too much into it since, after all, it was in a text message.

Ultimately we’ll have to see how things end up going this weekend, and whether or not she was actually ready, and wanting, to be introduced to some of my friends. Since asking her I have tried to put myself in her shoes and think about how I would feel is she had invited me to a birthday party this weekend for one of her friends, and I can honestly say that I would be more than happy, although a little nervous, to go. When it comes right down to it during relationships you have to take leaps. Over the course of time many of these leaps will inevitably seem scary, difficult or not quite right at the time; but in spite of those (and other) apprehensions we might feel we still need to take them because those leaps are what fuel a relationship and bring two people closer together.


I Know You Love to Laugh Because You Are Human

by JeremySpoke under Date Night,JDate,Online Dating

JDate profiles are really hard to mess up.  They’re also really hard to get right.  It seems that most of the profiles I have come across fall between these two extremes.  According to the JDate population, every Jewish person on earth is easygoing, fun, loves friends, and loves to laugh.  Let’s examine these four characteristics.

First, I love easygoing people, but it’s getting a little cliché when people describe themselves as ‘easygoing.’  I think that being easygoing is a prerequisite for being on JDate.  Thus, there is no reason to describe oneself as such.  I already assume that you are easygoing because you are chatting with strangers and going out on dates with people whom you have never met in person.  Putting ‘easygoing’ in your profile makes it sound like you’re trying really hard to be easygoing, but are actually extremely demanding and tough to work with.  Easygoing people are way too cool to have to describe themselves in this way.  I would be really interested in a girl who claims to be inflexible and difficult in her profile.  I would take her out based on curiosity and on the fact that there’s no way she’s ever been on a date in her life.

Let’s move on to ‘fun’ people.  This word is similar in meaning to ‘easygoing’, and thus doesn’t need a very long analysis.  Again, people are going to assume that you’re fun, or else they wouldn’t talk or go out with you.  Unless you’re really hot.

Now we are at people who love their friends.  According to JDate, people love to go out of their way to say that they love their friends.  However, the word ‘friend’ itself implies that you have affection, otherwise you wouldn’t have friends.  Therefore, I think that it would be more correct to say, “I have friends.”  Actually, don’t say that either.  You’re trying too hard.  I know that you love your friends.

Finally, we have people who ‘love to laugh.’  This is the most confusing and troubling thing to say about yourself.  Who hates to laugh?  Really?  You do?  Then why are you laughing?  The act of laughing itself is a testament to the fact that you love to laugh.  Everybody loves to laugh.  Laughing is fun and great.  Again, if you hate to laugh, I would love to take you out just based purely on curiosity.