Dear Tamar: My Ex Reached Out to Me On JDate… What Now?!

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Online Dating,Relationships,Single Life

Dear Tamar,

I just received an email from an ex-boyfriend on JDate and I’m freaking out! It’s been 10 years… but he Broke. My. Heart.

It’s one of the few relationships I’ve never forgotten. At the time, I had to delete every remnant of him from my life so that I wouldn’t find an excuse to make contact; that’s how bad it was. But now here he is, still looking good. My knees buckled when I saw his name and photo, let alone that he reached out to me, asking how I’m doing and how things are.

So what to do I do?


Dear “Ex Emailer,”

This happened to me, but on Facebook. My pulse began racing and I broke out in a cold sweat upon seeing his name, and even felt a bit giddy that he had been looking for me! I hemmed and hawed over adding him, and initially did so he could see via photos how happy and fabulous I was without him! But, then he sent me a message and I was not interested in opening that door again… so I unfriended him and forgot about him.

With this scenario playing out on JDate it’s a bit different… he didn’t seek you out, but rather came upon your profile because you fit his search preferences and live in the same area. Him writing you an email is flattering, and you can do the polite thing and write back a brief email that is warm but also not too inviting. You don’t owe him anything, and that includes too much of your time. Don’t supply too much information and don’t expect much, if anything, in return. Many people — women, mainly, let’s be honest — have these fantasies that the guy who broke our hearts will return as our knight in shining armor, admitting that his biggest mistake ever was letting us go. That may happen in some sappy movie, but it’s not real life, so don’t get your hopes up. You moved on back then… continue to not look back.

Get more How to Woo a Jew on Instagram!

Compare & Contrast

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,Relationships,Single Life

Everyone has that one ex-lover to whom they compare everyone they ever go on to date. No matter how long ago it ended, or why it ended, or even how long the relationship lasted, everyone has their measuring stick (pardon the pun). Everyone also has that one ex-lover to whom they hope everyone thereafter will shine in contrast to because of how terrible they were treated. Sometimes both of these scenarios are the same person. Actually, oftentimes it’s the same person.

It’s perfectly acceptable and natural to experience this. The point is to make sure you are being realistic and have the right perspective. Don’t use an ex to trivial a new prospect, give each individual the respect to earn or lose your adulation. And just because a new prospect doesn’t measure up to all of your ex’s positives, that doesn’t mean he or she should be ruled out — perhaps they don’t have any of your ex’s negatives either!