Pick a Fight

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Fighting in a relationship is important. It shows you if someone fights fair or nasty, if they can remain rational, and if you can actually work to solve issues together. In the honeymoon phase people tend to very agreeable and want to avoid confrontation, so you may have to pick a fight in order to see what happens when the going gets tough. Throwing barbs and purposefully trying to hurt the person you are in a relationship with is not someone you want to be fighting with for decades to come. And yes, you will fight, everyone does. But if both of you are unrealistically agreeable until after you’re engaged or even married and then you find out that they fight mean, well, what then? So go ahead and even let your partner know what’s going on and find a topic you disagree on (politics, sports, the absurdity of reality TV) or something else rather innocuous and see where it leads. Good luck!


Arguing in Style

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

You probably have a long list of qualities that you’re looking for in a partner: smart, nice, funny, and so on. But what about how they argue? It doesn’t seem like an obvious trait to think about, but arguing styles are very important. If one of you clams up and shuts down while the other likes to yell and shout then you will get nowhere in a hurry. If one of you likes to talk it out and not go to bed angry while the other prefers to take a walk and sleep on it, then again, you will go nowhere in a hurry. Of course, discussing how you argue is not exactly an easy conversation to have but once you do have an argument and it is obvious that you can’t have a constructive, productive argument then you may need to rethink your relationship. Couples argue. Hopefully not a lot, but it happens and if you can’t argue in style then arguments are going to end up being even more miserable then they already are.