“Getting To Know You” is not just a catchy Rodgers and Hammerstein song from “The King and I,” it’s also what people do on first dates. But I’m here to tell you NOT to do that. I mean, of course, get to know your date, but don’t try to get to know ALL about them on the first date. Leave something for date two, and three, and date sixteen. And once you’ve been on a great date, don’t try to research every possible detail you can. When a date is going well it’s exciting to both want to continue talking all night until the sun comes up, but try to refrain. This is what happens: you go on a date, drink a little, hit if off, drink some more, keep talking and flirting, drink a little more, start yawning but keep talking, start sharing things you may not have shared on a first date had you not been drinking, yawning and letting down your guard, finally go home and sleep a few hours before waking up to realize that you shared things that now make you feel totally vulnerable and you can’t take it back. So when your date (hopefully) calls you’re not sure whether to feel embarrassed or not or if the intent behind the call is still one looking for a relationship with you or not. Confusing right? Well, these are the things that go through our minds after we’ve shared too much too soon. So reel it in and keep the mystery alive.
I met a girl last night who told me she was uneasy about joining JDate because she’s “never dated someone she didn’t know before.” Every one of her past boyfriends had been friends before it turned romantic. I explained to her that JDate is not like picking someone up at a bar. In fact, JDate asks SO MANY FREAKING QUESTIONS that it’s as if you are already on your 2nd or even 3rd date before you’ve even met! You may be annoyed while filling out your profile, but JDate does it for a reason – they want you to know that you’re not dealing with some random person, they want you to feel comfortable and know what commonalities you have, and they want you to feel as if you are already friends, or friends of friends at the very least. So don’t be afraid. We’re all members of the tribe and I’m sure if you spent five minutes playing Jewish Geography you would find at least one person in common… which means you’re no longer strangers.