My four-month anniversary is coming up and it only took 28 years and 11 months to achieve. From the moment I was born, I was built to sabotage myself into being alone. In junior high, a girl literally told me I was cute, and I sarcastically said something about how fantastic that was and then ran away. Granted, that was junior high, but really Jeremy? Really?
In high school a girl asked me if I wanted to tan with her in her backyard. I responded by telling her I couldn’t because I had to do math homework and I didn’t even have any math homework. A few weeks later I volunteered to watch X-Men with her little brother. I don’t remember my thought process during this whole ordeal, but I imagine it’s similar to that of a crystal meth addict weaning himself off over the course of maybe one hour and suffering severe withdrawals. “Hey! I know you’re really cute and want to lay shirtless with me, but I’d rather watch a movie with your brother.” I wouldn’t have blamed her if she never spoke to me again. And she didn’t.
In college, a girl in my apartment told me I was the most attractive man she works with, and then I told her goodbye and she left.
I don’t know which one of these three scenarios is worse, but it doesn’t matter. If none of these had occurred, I wouldn’t have learned to not do stupid things, and wouldn’t have forced myself to rebuild my life. I would have settled down with one of these three women, remained fat and horrible, and she eventually would have divorced me. I do want to note that fat and horrible are two separate things, and your body size says nothing about you as a person. It was just another factor that made me feel miserable.
I needed to fall in order to get myself back up. I am now back up, but still limping. The most glaring difference in my life is my girlfriend. I know bragging about my girlfriend in a blog about online dating sounds pompous, but I think I’ve been self-conscious on here for long enough to merit that.
Every person who is active on a dating website is looking for something different. Some individuals are looking to just have fun and date a bunch of people, while others are looking for marriage. However, whether you have joined a dating website to help you find an activity partner, go out on a ton of first dates or find your soul mate, there is a group of people out there who are trying to find something similar.
What I have learned recently by talking with a number of different women, and going out on a few first dates, is that I fit into another category in terms of what I’m looking for. Essentially, what I have discovered about myself is that while I am open to meeting new people and going out on dates, ultimately I am looking for someone who I connect with well enough to date exclusively. I guess you could say that I am looking for a girlfriend. However, this realization didn’t come as a shock to any of my close friends who apparently knew this all along based on my personality and past dating history.
You see, I am not the type of guy who has ever really enjoyed the “single life” or cared much for the idea of “playing the field.” Ever since I had my first girlfriend, I’ve really enjoyed the security of dating someone exclusively and the emotional connection that can be forged from that type of situation. Furthermore, in the past, when I have gone out on multiple dates with the same woman, I have tended to cease trying to pursue meeting other women and instead opted to try to let that situation run its own course.
While I understand why other people would view these circumstances differently, and why some of my close male friends have suggested that I continue to try to meet other women in spite of my burgeoning relationships, this honestly doesn’t appeal to me. In the end, when it comes to dating, I have realized from my past experiences that having a solid understanding of what you are looking to get out of the dating scene is a pretty important step toward ultimately finding it.