Forgive Yourself

by Tamar Caspi under Judaism

This Yom Kippur, forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for not meeting the goals you intended to meet when you set them this time last year. You know what I’m talking about: you said you would be in a serious relationship, or in the job of your dreams, or moved out of your parent’s house, or lost that weight, or cleaned out your closet and garage and attic.

If you succeeded in accomplishing one of those things, then bravo to you! If you succeeded in accomplishing more than one of your goals, then you’re a rock star. But, if life got in the way of you completing even one, well, that happens. Cut yourself some slack. As long as you wholeheartedly put forth the effort and are at least on your way towards accomplishing your goals… then be happy with your year and don’t be too hard on yourself for not getting further. Life happens and we need to forgive ourselves when it doesn’t go the way we planned.

One of the most important people to ask forgiveness from on Yom Kippur is yourself, and one of the most difficult people to forgive is yourself. Try it.


Put the Brake on the Fake

by Adam under Relationships

“Oh, my friends actually maintain my profile.”

I got this response from a girl I was supposedly “messaging” at an event I went to during the High Holidays. She had apparently “Secretly Admired” me and we were talking about our High Holiday services and break-fast plans. She seemed nice, with a witty personality to boot, and was a sports fan, so I was definitely interested and took the initiative to message her first.

Saying, “Hey my name is Adam and we’ve been talking on JDate,” probably wasn’t the best opening line, especially in front of mutual friends of ours. Still, what kind of person lets their friends control their dating profile?

Now, understand I don’t include fake Craigslist or OkCupid profiles in this rant, because they are free sites, and it’s much easier to make a profile on a free site than a site like JDate where you really need to pay to get a real benefit from the site (which is a good thing). I bring this issue up now because it seems to be a recurring problem. “Oh, my mom signed me up for JDate” or “Yeah, my friends do it so they can see who else is on this site” are the usual excuses. You wouldn’t give your friends control of your bank account — so why let them handle your dating life?

I know some of you may read this and say, “I don’t care, my mom/friends can handle it, whatever,” but it boils down to more than that. And “fake it till you make it” is probably not the best way to attract a potential partner. Rather, it opens up more questions about your personal character. Listen, if you don’t want to date, than get off the site. Don’t hurt your online persona, and your dating reputation, by letting other people control your “actions.”

I abide by the principle of “say what you mean, mean what you say.” My friends can look, but not touch my profile. Why? Because they are A) not as creative as me and B) may say something totally opposite of what I want to say. If I message a girl with a dumb question or cheesy pick-up line, I’ll own up to it because I may end up seeing that girl at a later date (especially with how small Austin is).

Don’t be Donald Rumsfeld. Your dating profile should always be a known known. It might be an unknown known how people respond to you, but you should never be unknown as to what is known about the interactions that go on within it.

Do you.