The Perfect Woman

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Who’s your idea of a perfect woman? We know she’s Jewish. We know she is your personal idea of attractive. She’s probably smart and educated, nice and sweet, funny and fun, athletic and active, easy-going and independent, and so on. Does she exist? Probably. In some variation of your list with certain items having more cut of the pie than you may have thought you preferred. No one’s perfect. As you meet more women and date more women and fall in love with women and get rejected by women, your idea of a perfect woman is going to change. And then you’re going to meet a woman who doesn’t fit your list and yet is the perfect woman for you. I had many a man tell me I was their idea of the perfect woman, but none of them proposed. Conversely, I wasn’t what my now husband thought of as his ideal woman and I am nothing like his exes and yet here we are, happily married with a kid.

Priorities, Ideals and Traits, Oh My!

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

What are you looking for when you’re perusing JDate? Looks? Age? Education?  Success? And how strict are you about those ideals? I’ll tell you that the more flexible you are about what’s important to you the faster and easier you’ll be impressed.

My friend Julie cares about where a guy went to college and how many years he graduated in and what he majored in. If I were a guy I wouldn’t meet Julie’s standards because it took me five years to graduate from UCLA and I majored in Women’s Studies. She admitted that she wouldn’t even have dated Steven Spielberg because he never did graduate from Long Beach State (okay, okay, he eventually received an honorary degree). At a certain point all these silly ideals need to disappear. I guess Julie isn’t desperate enough to meet someone yet because when you are truly ready to meet your Beshert you’ll put your superficial wants aside and focus on the truly important stuff. Intelligence is important, but level of education maybe shouldn’t be.

Am I attracted to my husband and do I think he’s dashingly handsome? Sure. But that alone wasn’t going to get us this far. He had to have other, more important traits to get us to where we are today. He respects me, loves his parents, is nice to strangers on the street, is smart, is hysterically funny and we have a lot in common. In addition, we have a lot that we don’t have in common which makes life a lot more interesting. We enjoy watching American Idol together but I’ve had to learn to love the Dallas Mavericks. And to top it all off we have great conversations. Looks fade but you’re going to have to talk to your spouse for the rest of your life!

So make your list – goodness knows I had mine! – but be able to adjust and appreciate what’s right in front of you.