Extreme Profile Makeover: “Barry”

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Monday Makeover,Online Dating,Single Life

Hi Tamar,

My friend is cute and sweet, but not getting any attention on JDate. Can you take a look at his profile and see what you think?



Dear “friend” of Barry,

You’re right… your friend is cute and does seem sweet! So, let’s see how I can help your, I mean, his profile get more attention.

Let’s start with the photos. I like the main profile picture a lot, but do prefer more of a headshot for this photo rather than one where we can’t see his face (although I can tell that he is indeed cute). The other two photos are just okay, but would be better if there was that clear close-up of his face so that these were the fun complementary photos since they are both kind of dark.

Profile Name
Leaves something to be desired. Very typical “male” profile name of what is likely his last name and some digits. Barry seems to have much more personality than this profile name suggests.

In My Own Words
You know, there’s nothing here I would really change. I like what he had to write, which is why I think the focus needs to be on fixing his profile name and photos to support this. I would add a bit here and there… saying that your history is not “brief” can be seen as a sketchy answer since a 34-year-old should really be able to answer this without writing a book like the 62-year-old JDater who asked for an ‘Extreme Profile Makeover’ last week.

I can deduce by his tidbit about Philly sports teams that he’s likely from there originally — at the very least he can expand upon that and explain how he got to Los Angeles. This can either go in the “About Me” section or “Brief History” section. He also mentions not being able to live without his family, so he can also add which family members he’s close to so that dating prospects can begin to create a connection.

His Details
There are WAY TOO MANY blanks in this section, which only adds to the sketchiness I mentioned before. Too many blanks, unanswered questions, and too short of answers make it seem like the person is not really taking this seriously. Not everything needs to be filled in, but “My Ideal Match” needs more. What are his general preferences for a woman’s age? I suggest 25-35 for a 34-year-old man. Since he has his bachelor’s degree and says he’s established in his career, then he likely wants a woman who also has a minimum of a bachelor’s degree. He says he’s Reform and never goes to temple, so he should add those to the list as well.

Find more profile advice in the book “How to Woo a Jew: The Modern Jewish Guide to Dating and Mating” available now!

Extreme Profile Makeover: “Isaac”

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Monday Makeover,Online Dating,Single Life

Dear Tamar,

I’m new to JDate, and I’ve been messing around with my profile here and there trying to write something great. I’m trying to share enough information about myself without writing my whole life story — I don’t want it to be boring, and want to be completely honest. I’m not sure why I haven’t gotten any replies to emails, or any initiation by anyone who is a good match. Can you please maybe check it out and tell me from your point of view what can be improved… or is a complete makeover necessary?



Hi Isaac,

Your profile looks pretty complete and well-written to me. So, I’m going to be nit-picky here and help you make your profile as awesome as possible!

This may be your biggest downfall, honestly. You’re a good-looking and TALL Jew, yet your photos aren’t of the greatest quality. And, until I glanced at your stats, I assumed you were a shorty… weird, huh? I don’t really like any of the photos enough to go through the motions of rearranging and editing them. Take new ones by someone who understands lighting and angles. Then you can add back in the photo of you with your sister at her wedding, and the last one with two friends — just be sure to write in the description that you’re the one in the middle… the tall one! You can also keep the second one and use that one as your profile photo for now until you get new ones taken. Delete the rest.

Profile Name
I believe you used your initials and birthdate for your profile name. It’s fine, but it’s not WOW, you know? You can use adjectives: TallFunnyNYJew or you can use the humor you say you live by and create a new, eye-catching name.

In My Own Words
I don’t think you need to rewrite much here. Just review it for some typos that you may not have caught. Also, since you’re 25 (a youngun in the dating world), perhaps add in a line about why you are looking for someone so they know you’re serious about a relationship.

My Ideal Match
You’re 25… your age range is 18-28… I appreciate that you follow my ten year age-range rule, but I also encourage those in their 20s to narrow the range (and encourage “older adults” to widen the range). You don’t want to date a teenager, even if she is in college and is mature. Edit your age range to minimum 21, maximum 27 — that will let prospects know you’re serious about finding someone. When I see a guy in his mid-20’s being open to dating an 18-year-old I immediately think “he’s looking for a hook-up,” and I don’t believe that’s the perception you want women to have.

Overall, I think you’re well on your way to a great profile! So the next step is to see if you are making the right moves to let women know you’re interested (views, Favorites list, sending Flirts, etc.), and of course after exchanging a few of these then sending an email. What are you writing and how is it coming across? If you would like me to review emails, then please feel free to send in some samples!

Did you know that How to Woo a Jew‘s longest chapter is all about creating your JDate profile? Grab a copy and see how you can revamp your online dating profile!

“In My Own Words” — Vague or Detailed? That is the Question.

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,JDate,Online Dating,Single Life

I’m not sure Jewish scholars such as Maimonides, Hillel, Akiva, or Rashi would be able to agree on whether it is better to have a vague ‘In My Own Words’ answer… or a more detailed one (they didn’t agree on much, so it’s not surprising that our people are known for our argumentative nature).

On one hand, a vague About Me (or any other category) is enticing as it leaves more for your date to discover on their own and allows you to let them discover more about you at your own pace. You get to reveal more about yourself in your (few) emails, a bit more in your (10 minute) phone calls, and even more in person. You’re not putting everything on the table, and that means you don’t have to live up to any hype you create if, for instance, you are really funny with your writing, but not so much in person.

On the other hand, being more detailed in your biography means that the prospects you attract know exactly who you are and what you are attracted to — more than just your photo and a few general tidbits. It means you have likely weeded out potentials who you may not mesh with, but it also means that you could have eliminated quality prospects who think you are too set in your ways… even though it’s not only acceptable, but more enjoyable to not agree with each other about every topic.

So here’s where your How to Woo a Jew scholar gets to butt in and give her two cents… I suggest a happy medium. Some areas you can stay vague while others that you feel more strongly about should be more detailed. If you are sarcastic and witty in-person, then try to convey that in your biography. If you love debating politics, then say that as well but also mention some particulars — if you are a staunch Democrat and couldn’t bear to be with a hardcore Republican, then let that be known! Areas where you are open to exploring should be left vague or simply state that you want to learn more from someone who is an expert or enjoys those things.

Basically there’s no “right” or “wrong” way because everyone has a type, and the person for you won’t be turned off by your vague or detailed profile… the caveat here is that if you’re having trouble meeting quality prospects, then it would behoove you to adjust your answers towards the other side of the spectrum.

Learn more at www.HowtoWooaJew.com.

Extreme Profile Makeover — Divorced Dad of 2 in Texas

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Monday Makeover,Online Dating

Dear Tamar,

I am new to the online dating scene and would like some guidance on how to write my profile to make it more appealing to women.

Thank you.

-Divorced Dad of 2 in Texas


Dear Divorced Dad of 2,

Getting back in the dating scene — especially with 2 kids — is a big undertaking! I think you’ve done pretty well with your profile thus far. Here are my suggestions to make it better:

Profile Name:
A hybrid of your first and last name is a good idea… if you can simplify it by deleting the letters and numbers trailing at the end, it would be even stronger.

Profile Photos:
I really like your main profile photo! Great job! And I like that you both include and describe the pictures with your kids. You could possibly pare down photos 2, 3, & 4… but it’s not essential.

In My Own Words:
You refer to your gym by name twice. I don’t think it’s necessary — either delete one mention or at least delete the name. I don’t know the gym personally but mentioning it by name sounds like it’s supposed to be something impressive which comes off as pretentious. Or it could be that you’re hoping someone could just come by the gym to see you…?

I suggest referencing your divorce quickly, as in “I have been divorced # years.” I do love all that you say about your kids though! You can also simplify your “Brief History” because it’s supposed to be just that — brief. Prospects don’t need to know your exact lifetime timeline.

His Details/My Ideal Match:
I am not a fan of stating one’s income and I suggest not answering that question, although I do appreciate your transparency. You selected a good age range but there is no reason to put that you are looking for a “Friend” when you state in a different section that you want to be someone’s significant other.

Writing Wrong

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Don’t let your ego get the best of you. You may think you have such a great attitude but if you’re turning off prospects then you may be coming across differently than you think. Humble yourself and look at your profile again and your way of communicating to see where you’re being misrepresented. Are you trying to show your confidence and instead coming across as cocky? Are you trying to show how smart you are or how popular you are or how funny you are or how successful you are by exaggerating those attributes? Then you’re probably coming off as overeager or fake or pretentious. Be yourself. If you have to think too much about what you’re writing in your profile then you should probably delete and start over. Once you meet your JDates you’ll be able to let them see for themselves how amazing you are.

I know “be yourself” sounds so cliche, but trying too hard is worse. There is a way to let people know who you are with words on paper (or rather, on screen) without having to actually say “I’m really funny” or “I’m really successful.” Write your In My Own Words in a witty way or discuss how motivated and ambitious you’ve been your entire life.