“In My Own Words” — Vague or Detailed? That is the Question.

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,JDate,Online Dating,Single Life

I’m not sure Jewish scholars such as Maimonides, Hillel, Akiva, or Rashi would be able to agree on whether it is better to have a vague ‘In My Own Words’ answer… or a more detailed one (they didn’t agree on much, so it’s not surprising that our people are known for our argumentative nature).

On one hand, a vague About Me (or any other category) is enticing as it leaves more for your date to discover on their own and allows you to let them discover more about you at your own pace. You get to reveal more about yourself in your (few) emails, a bit more in your (10 minute) phone calls, and even more in person. You’re not putting everything on the table, and that means you don’t have to live up to any hype you create if, for instance, you are really funny with your writing, but not so much in person.

On the other hand, being more detailed in your biography means that the prospects you attract know exactly who you are and what you are attracted to — more than just your photo and a few general tidbits. It means you have likely weeded out potentials who you may not mesh with, but it also means that you could have eliminated quality prospects who think you are too set in your ways… even though it’s not only acceptable, but more enjoyable to not agree with each other about every topic.

So here’s where your How to Woo a Jew scholar gets to butt in and give her two cents… I suggest a happy medium. Some areas you can stay vague while others that you feel more strongly about should be more detailed. If you are sarcastic and witty in-person, then try to convey that in your biography. If you love debating politics, then say that as well but also mention some particulars — if you are a staunch Democrat and couldn’t bear to be with a hardcore Republican, then let that be known! Areas where you are open to exploring should be left vague or simply state that you want to learn more from someone who is an expert or enjoys those things.

Basically there’s no “right” or “wrong” way because everyone has a type, and the person for you won’t be turned off by your vague or detailed profile… the caveat here is that if you’re having trouble meeting quality prospects, then it would behoove you to adjust your answers towards the other side of the spectrum.

Learn more at www.HowtoWooaJew.com.


Extreme Profile Makeover — Divorced Dad of 2 in Texas

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Monday Makeover,Online Dating

Dear Tamar,

I am new to the online dating scene and would like some guidance on how to write my profile to make it more appealing to women.

Thank you.

-Divorced Dad of 2 in Texas

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Dear Divorced Dad of 2,

Getting back in the dating scene — especially with 2 kids — is a big undertaking! I think you’ve done pretty well with your profile thus far. Here are my suggestions to make it better:

Profile Name:
A hybrid of your first and last name is a good idea… if you can simplify it by deleting the letters and numbers trailing at the end, it would be even stronger.

Profile Photos:
I really like your main profile photo! Great job! And I like that you both include and describe the pictures with your kids. You could possibly pare down photos 2, 3, & 4… but it’s not essential.

In My Own Words:
You refer to your gym by name twice. I don’t think it’s necessary — either delete one mention or at least delete the name. I don’t know the gym personally but mentioning it by name sounds like it’s supposed to be something impressive which comes off as pretentious. Or it could be that you’re hoping someone could just come by the gym to see you…?

I suggest referencing your divorce quickly, as in “I have been divorced # years.” I do love all that you say about your kids though! You can also simplify your “Brief History” because it’s supposed to be just that — brief. Prospects don’t need to know your exact lifetime timeline.

His Details/My Ideal Match:
I am not a fan of stating one’s income and I suggest not answering that question, although I do appreciate your transparency. You selected a good age range but there is no reason to put that you are looking for a “Friend” when you state in a different section that you want to be someone’s significant other.


Writing Wrong

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Don’t let your ego get the best of you. You may think you have such a great attitude but if you’re turning off prospects then you may be coming across differently than you think. Humble yourself and look at your profile again and your way of communicating to see where you’re being misrepresented. Are you trying to show your confidence and instead coming across as cocky? Are you trying to show how smart you are or how popular you are or how funny you are or how successful you are by exaggerating those attributes? Then you’re probably coming off as overeager or fake or pretentious. Be yourself. If you have to think too much about what you’re writing in your profile then you should probably delete and start over. Once you meet your JDates you’ll be able to let them see for themselves how amazing you are.

I know “be yourself” sounds so cliche, but trying too hard is worse. There is a way to let people know who you are with words on paper (or rather, on screen) without having to actually say “I’m really funny” or “I’m really successful.” Write your In My Own Words in a witty way or discuss how motivated and ambitious you’ve been your entire life.