Decision Maker

by JeremySpoke under Date Night,Success Stories

On the first few dates, if you’re a male, try to be at least a little bit decisive. It shows initiative or something.

I’m very bad at doing this. Although I have opinions, often very strong ones, I’m too afraid to express them, especially while out with a woman I hardly know. In general, I almost never talk about politics. I don’t shop around for things. If I need a shirt, I go to a store, pick up the first shirt I see, pay for it, and put it on my body. If someone asks me which insurance I prefer, I say, ‘The one that I pay to insure me in case I do something bad.”

On early dates, I have a bad habit of asking the woman her opinion on what she wants to do, where she wants to eat, what I want to wear, etc. Sometimes, you can come up with something, too. Set something up. Get a general idea of her likes and dislikes, and make an informed decision based on these opinions. If she’s a vegetarian, don’t go to a Brazilian steakhouse. If she’s a carnivore, go to a Brazilian steakhouse. If neither of you are hungry, do something else.

This all seems like obvious advice, but for me, it took a long time to learn. There’s a thin line between benevolence and weakness. I live my life on that line. I still see myself as an a****** that just can’t say no. Maybe there’s no such thing as nice people. There’s just a******* that impose their will and a******* that don’t.

Courtship & Communication

by Tamar Caspi under Online Dating,Relationships

Dear Tamar,

I’m wondering if I’m old-fashioned, have expectations that are too high, or if men these days are ignorant of courtship-know-how….or maybe all the above?  So many emails I receive from men seem like form letters (i.e. “we have so much in common”) with nothing personal to me, no mention of why they’re writing to me, what interests them about my profile or anything that would make me want to reply. It seems many men no longer think they have to do anything to please a woman or win her over. I’m not playing hard to get, but I do want to be courted. If I take the initiative and write first, I do what I’m asking for by making positive acknowledgements of things I resonate to in the man’s profile.  What feedback or suggestions can you give me on this issue? Thank you!

Dear Courtship & Communication,

I don’t blame you for wanting more from an initial email and for wanting to be courted. I feel very strongly about both men and women spending time to make sure an email is personal and personalized — otherwise why bother? I don’t believe that all hope is lost in the search for a man who still believes in courting a woman, but you will have to continue to sift through the rough to find the diamonds. (Many men probably feel the same about finding a real lady, by the way.) My advice would be to continue what you’re doing by practicing what you preach in your emails, but also to give some of the men a chance. As much as you’re frustrated, they are as well, which has led to them sending what may seem like form letters. Write these guys back and see if their follow-up email is any better. You have nothing to lose, right? Good luck!