Middle Aged Meltdown

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Dear Tamar,

I met someone a few days after he ended a long term relationship. This man is in his 50s, has been divorced for a decade and has had several long term relationships.  We met and there was an instant click…the likes I never had before. He also did not expect to meet someone he liked so quickly. We go on a few dates a week, have daily communication and intimacy. Now he is slowing down and creating space because he says he’s not ready. He says he likes me very much, doesn’t want to cut off communication and wants to see me. I won’t be intimate if I know he is dating and may possibly be intimate with someone else. Should I just say goodbye and have no contact with him? I feel like I am a contestant on “The Bachelorette.” I have been married, had long term relationships and have dated a great deal. This is the first man I truly connected with. That is why it is so difficult. It’s hard to believe I am middle aged and dealing with this. It’s frustrating because this man clearly doesn’t know what he wants…or is scared of it.  Thanks for reading.

Dear Middle Aged Meltdown,

It seems that men never change, right? Middle aged and as you said, he still “clearly doesn’t know what he wants or is scared of it” and you’re suffering because of it, just like you probably did in your teens and twenties! I hate to advise someone to play games, but I think this is a case of a man not knowing what he’s got ‘til it’s gone. Let him know you need to move on since he can’t make up his mind and cut off communication. Either he’ll come running in a few weeks (which I’d put money on) or you’ll unfortunately have to face the reality that you really do need to move on because he’s not ready, doesn’t know what he wants, or possibly doesn’t feel the same way you do. Good Luck!