The other day one of my close guy friends and I were discussing the current happenings in our dating lives. He had recently met someone and, though it was early, he had a bounce in his step and seemed to be diving-in with a solo focus. On the other hand, I was taking it a little more steady; going for the slow-burning-candle approach, truly taking the time to “date” and getting to know the person without jumping to any immediate conclusion or into an exclusive relationship (albeit that is my goal).
As it turns out this time, the intense fire burnt out for my friend and, well, my candle is still steadily burning for the time being. What does this mean? Absolutely nothing! It is just a different course. I told my friend – who now seemed to think my path was the way to go after his disappointment – when it is the “right” person the approach is pretty irrelevant. The one benefit of the slow burning candle is that it allows for clarity, trust and organic development. And that is huge in my dating world.
I just started seeing a man a few weeks ago, someone I’ve known for many years, and things have gotten very intense. We’ve seen each other six times and he’s given every indication that he’s very interested in me, even sending me emails that start with “good morning darling” and telling me how he can’t wait to see me. But since he returned from a reunion weekend and emailed me ( again “hi darlin,”) and told me that he’d be back in the city today, I haven’t heard anything and am very anxious, not knowing what’s going on and wondering if I should call or email or just do nothing.
Jen, what do you think I should do and why do men do this all the time?
It sounds to me as if this guy is sincerely interested. Any man that calls you darling and tells you he cannot wait until the next time he sees you is an indicator that he is interested.
Sometimes, when relationships begin with a high level of intensity they can cool off rather quickly. This can occur for many reasons, including; fear, anxiety, and even feeling vulnerable by exposing feelings. Trust takes time to develop and when relationships begin quickly a part of the foundation might be lacking.
Perhaps, after some time apart he realized how quickly things were moving and took a small step backward. I wouldn’t worry too much about the recent turn of events. My suggestion is to sit tight and wait for a day or two. If you have not heard from him after the waiting period go ahead and give him a call, and let him know that you are confused by his sudden change of behavior.
Gems from Jen