Just Jews

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

In my mid-twenties I signed up for JDate after thinking I was too good to “stoop down” to that level. Needless to say, I ended up loving it! It wasn’t even about all the dates, but just knowing that there were so many possibilities out there made me feel a lot more secure about the whole Jew-only dating thing. So I started raving about it to all the singles I knew, convincing many who were also hesitant to sign up. But it took much more to get my single, handsome and successful cousin convinced… he first wanted to use my account to check out the ladies!

I figured that  it was worth whatever it took to further his sudden interest in settling down – and with a Jewish woman, at that. I used the search engine to find women he’d be attracted to and then nagged him to expand his age range and guilt-tripped him into reading profiles and not judging off of photos only.

Not surprisingly (at least to me) my cousin was excited by all the possibilities! He opened an account and I was impressed by his thoughtful, funny and intriguing profile complete with super cute photos of him with his nieces and nephews.

I was happy with his mindset and the fact that he was finally making an effort on his own and still feel – even though it’s been a few years and he’s still single – that he’ll find a the right woman in the near future. Some people just have to be eased into the whole online dating concept, but once they’re in, it’s almost guaranteed they’ll be hooked! By introducing my cousin to JDate slowly, I managed to get him interested in considering marrying a Jewish woman altogether, and for me that was the ultimate goal.

Time To Try Something New

by RollingStone9862 under Online Dating,Relationships,Single Life

For several months now, a close friend of mine has been going through a rough stretch in that it is difficult for him to meet women. He has a great personality and the uncanny ability to talk to anyone and make them feel comfortable, despite the situation he finds himself in. Like him, when I got out of a long-term relationship last May, I went through a comparable stretch where I tried to get back into the dating scene but lacked the confidence and emotional availability necessary to thrive in that environment.

Recently, my friend asked me about how JDate was going and I told him that I was enjoying the experience of meeting some really interesting people. And yet, while he has always been supportive of my foray into online dating, he has never been able to see himself in that world. It’s not because he has any prejudices or negative preconceived notions about Internet dating; it’s more that he viewed joining an online dating site as admitting defeat. Through this admission I was able to understand his perspective that, in spite of his recent dating frustrations and lack of success, he wasn’t ready to give up on conventionality.

Anyone who knows me will vouch for the fact that I don’t believe it’s my place to try to convince anyone to join an online dating site. However, I am not hesitant when the subject is brought up by others to point out its virtues and how it has helped me. The other night, while my friend and I were at dinner, I sensed a change in his tone as he questioned me about online dating. As such, I took the opportunity to explain to him what I believe to be the most significant way that being on JDate has helped me.

Over the past few months of being an active member on JDate, my dating confidence has grown significantly. Because of the extensive online community, the pressure and stress of meeting women in everyday situations was taken away and I quickly gained back the self-assurance necessary to open conversations, chat with, and go out on first dates with women. Furthermore, after feeling successful and gaining momentum on JDate, it has been much easier for me to talk to women that I meet in the same everyday situations where I had previously lacked all forms of confidence.

Almost immediately after I finished expressing this sentiment, my friend’s demeanor and perspective on online dating seemed to change. It was like a light bulb turned on in his head after realizing the numerous ways he could benefit from sites like JDate. In fact, later that night after returning home from dinner, he created a profile and thus began his online dating adventure.  I can honestly say I’m happy he did so because, bottom line, everyone deserves a chance at getting their dating confidence back.

Stop Loss

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Online Dating,Relationships,Single Life

Hi Tamar,

I get a lot of responses from great guys, who seem really excited to meet me and all enthusiastic, but then they just stop talking to me. This happened recently. A guy was really excited to meet me and was supposed to call me that night, but I never heard from him and then he stopped talking to me. I couldn’t have possibly said anything wrong between the time we met and when he said he was going to call so I’m wondering what happened?

Dear Stop Loss,

Unfortunately, this is not unusual with Internet dating. The men you’re talking to are probably talking to a few other women as well, and if one of those connections turned serious, he’s likely to no longer correspond with you. He figures he doesn’t owe you anything because he hasn’t met you yet. I once received an email from a JDate I hadn’t yet met and he told me he was getting serious with someone and could no longer make plans or communicate with me. To be honest, I felt it was a little overboard. He didn’t need to go through such extremes writing me a lengthy email, but on the other hand, it was better to know than to be left in a state of mystery like you’re in right now. As for the man you were supposed to meet, just chalk him up as a coward and move on. You will need to weed through these losers until you find your beshert, but believe me, women are pulling the same stunts with men. We’re all in the same boat. My suggestion is not to spend too much time corresponding before meeting.  As I’ve said before, your JDate profile already supplies the information you would normally exchange on the first date, so try to keep the pre-date communication to a minimum or else risk creating expectations that neither side can meet. Good luck!

More Picture Perfect

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Online Dating,Relationships,Single Life

JDate gives you the option to post 12 pictures, and you need to use at least four options if you want Internet dating to work to your advantage. Research shows that people view you as 20% more attractive than you view yourself (“The Beauty Prescription” 2008). That’s a pretty big jump. The authors of this study – a pair of female doctors, one from Beverly Hills, one from South Beach – argue that individuals don’t take their personalities  into consideration when they look in the mirror, while others who look at you do. But unfortunately, when you’re trying to promote yourself via JDate you don’t get that extra 20% boost from your personality. And if you choose the wrong pictures on top of that, you will actually be losing attractiveness points.

When you’re choosing your photos try to look at them from other people’s perspective. If you saw your photo online squeezed between eight other profile pictures, what would make you stop? Not that fuzzy out-of-focus photo or the one taken too far away to see the face or the one with three other people in it. And while you’re thinking about it, if you did click on the first photo, would it make you want to check out the next one and so on? Although the photo in your Halloween costume is cute, it should be the third or fourth photo while the one of you dressed-up for your friend’s wedding should instead be first.

Follow the four F’s in this order when choosing your photos: Face, Full body, Fun, Friends and Family. Hook ‘em with the face, reel ‘em in with the full body, keep ‘em interested with the fun photos and make ‘em fall in love with the friends and family photos.

The first picture, the profile picture, should be a close-up of your face. They say the eyes are the window to your soul, so make sure your eyes are clear and visible (i.e. use the red-eye reduction option on your camera). A smile can light up your face, so make sure the photo is a happy one. And don’t crop out your neck… a woman’s narrow neck automatically makes her appear graceful and swanlike, a man’s thick neck makes him appear strong and masculine. These gender traits are appealing to the opposite sex.

The second photo, the full body photo, should let people see you. The body type options you’re given can be easily misconstrued so even if you’re overweight or out-of-shape, show yourself because everyone is someone’s type! You wouldn’t want to go out with a floating head, would you? Your body type isn’t super important, but be proud of what you got and flaunt it. Confidence is sexy.

Use that Halloween photo, beach photo, party photo or other photo showing you having fun for your third picture. This is not the place for your corporate business photo or the extra copies of your passport photo. Uptight photos are downright wrong for JDate.

If you want to use a photo of you with friends or family, the fourth photo option is the appropriate place for that.  JDate will use their magic powers to identify you and zoom in on you. Make sure you refer to the people in your photo later so people don’t think your brother is your ex-boyfriend or your nephew is your son. If you have a great circle of friends or are close to your family, then simply say so.

Changing your photos will also boost your JDate profile back to the top of list and get you that cool little “New” or “Updated” logo next to your name. Don’t retract your photos too often, but if you take a break or need a refresher online, take the time to scroll through the past year or two of your photos and pick some new ones to post.

And by all means, post more photos but I think more than six can make you look a bit narcissistic.

Lastly, if you don’t have photos you like or they’re outdated, then the next time you’re at a party ask your friends to snap a lot of photos. Even if you’re in the same outfit, new pictures are better than none at all.