Extreme Profile Makeover: “Illinois Lady”

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Online Dating,Single Life

Dear Tamar,

I just joined JDate in January and I am getting mixed responses, mostly from older men that are unattractive or weird. Can you take a look at my profile and photo to tell me if something is not working? Everyone tells me that I look much prettier in person, so photos are always a dilemma for me. Please advise. I would also like to spice up my profile name as well!

-Illinois Lady

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Dear Illinois Lady,

Your profile is well-written and complete, but perhaps too polished. You clearly know who you are, which is awesome! I would simplify your profile because men may wonder how they can fit into someone’s life who clearly has it all together (whether you do or not, it seems that way). Confidence is sexy, and I’m not telling you to appear less so, just to not sound so sure of everything.

There is a bit of repetition, and as I advise in my book “How to Woo a Jew” there is no need to answer every question if it means repeating the same answer over and over. You mention the Chicago Botanical Gardens a few times — as well as being outdoors, feeling free to contact you, and traveling. I understand that these things are important to you, but it’s redundant, and when people are skimming through a profile things like that can be a turn-off.

As you know, you need more photos. It’s tough when you’re better looking in person, but it’s worse when you’re not as good looking as your photos! So snap away and get some photo-ops in and upload a few photos that your trusted confidants agree looks the most like you.

As for your profile name, right now you have your name and what I assume is your birthday. It’s not a bad profile name, but you could do better. There is mixed thought on using your actual name as your profile name — on one hand, it gives off a sense of familiarity, but on the other hand it may not be the smartest in the sense of security. Make a list of adjectives and nouns that describe you: what you look like, what you do, your hobbies, where you live, and so on, and then try to combine two of the words into a catchy profile name. Try not to use your age, since you will eventually have a birthday and then your profile name will be moot.

I think you’re very close to having a really great profile! Once you have revamped your profile, go through your search results and view the guys you match with so they know you’ve viewed them and are possibly interested in seeing if there’s more.


JDate Resolution

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,News,Online Dating,Single Life

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2014!

As part of every New Year’s celebration, we make resolutions regarding how to be a better person and what goals we hope to achieve in the coming year. If you’re Jewish and single, add JDate to that list. Make a resolution to be a more active JDater this year by taking the following steps:

  • Get some fresh photos taken
  • Create a more exciting profile name
  • Rewrite and complete your profile answers
  • Either expand your narrow search preferences or tighten up your broad preferences
  • Answer the emails of prospects who are on your borderline list
  • Send emails to new prospects who didn’t necessarily catch your eye before
  • Be more confident in your emails and turn virtual correspondences into dates

Make your chances of 2014 being the year you meet your Beshert even better by being a better person… with a better JDate profile!


Attitude is Everything

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Being on JDate is not enough. Your attitude about being on JDate needs to be in line as well. If you have a JDate profile which wreaks of someone who thinks they’re too good for JDate or if you go on dates and talk badly about JDate then you aren’t doing yourself any favors. You are on JDate because you’re Jewish and single and want to find your beshert. And guess what? So are the people you are meeting on JDate and chances are the people you are meeting in person are also on JDate. Having a negative attitude about doing something everyone else is doing — whether you felt “forced” to or not — is going to come through your words whether on paper or spoken. Use the JDate statistics to get excited about the very real possibility that you can meet your beshert here and search more than 500,000 members at any given time; read the hundreds of success stories to pump you up and then reread your profile again to make sure it shows your excitement and hope.


Third Dates the Charm

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Dear Tamar,

I have had two dates with someone I met on JDate and the third is coming up. I really like this person and he seems to like me. Any advice for the third date?

-Third Dates the Charm?

 

Dear Third Dates The Charm,

Exciting! The third date can be a major turning point. No, you don’t have to have sex. Still, you’ve gotten past the first and second dates which means you are now officially “dating.”

Now that you are over the 2nd date hump, you can take some pressure off wondering if he likes you because — guess what? He does! It doesn’t mean you have to give it up, or that you should start passing gas at the dinner table, but you can relax your shoulders and stop doubting yourself. You can also start accepting dates with him at the last minute and you need to require him to take you to a formal dinner.

At the end of the third date you can invite your date to your house for a home-cooked meal. On the third date you still want to be your best self, but you can also open up a little bit more and show your date that you’re not perfect, you have faults and you’re normal. You can share embarrassing stories, failures and your odd (but fun) quirks. You get to be real. But you get to do so knowing that you’re in a new relationship that has already passed the first two tests, and now you’re building a foundation to move forward. Good luck and let me know how it progresses!


Camera Shy

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Dear Tamar,

I have been trying not to add too many profile photos, as I didn’t really want someone choosing to talk to me just off of what I look like. I’ve sent numerous emails though and am not getting any responses. Are photos really that important?

-Camera Shy

Dear Camera Shy,

In short, yes, photos are important. You don’t need to post a ton of them, but about 4 will do. This is the thing: people are not choosing you based on your photos alone, they’re reading your profile as well. The two combined is what ups or lowers the ante. So you need a strong profile and a number of photos that show you are consistent in your looks. Everyone has a type, so don’t automatically assume why people are not responding to your emails. Do you realize you are judging people for wanting to see your photos in order to judge you? How are you any different than them? The problem with photos is that if you don’t add enough then people think you are trying to hide something. Add too many (same outfit, same angle, same pose) then it’s just obnoxious.

Back when I was single and on JDate, the guys without photos would drive me nuts! Why take the time and make the effort to be on JDate if you’re not going to go all in and post photos? What’s the point? There’s someone out there for everyone but you’re only hurting your chances if you don’t complete all the criteria.